Foxy has four legs

Oh oaty ive had a whopper of a week, I am going to chill this week end and will gie all the gossip next week.

I am sooooooooooooooo proud of your new fortitude and as you say home schooling is the backstop. No harm to let them know when it serves. but be aware they can do the social service number on you if they don't want to be loosing out. The system seems so sacred that the system itself will go into overdrive to maintain its own credibility.

An independant educational psychologist is the trump card to the social service card by the way and the mention alone is an expence the school will want to avoid as they have to do one themselves and they do not come cheep, but you do have the option of a charitable one i am sure.

well me hearties have a good weekend and i will yak next week.

Foxy has been to vet and need further assesment. More Next week.

WB

Knackered is knackered, what don't you understand about knackered. Service will resume after I do nothing for a bit. Leave me alone ! ....................... Sound familiar ?

Hi there glad you are doing well..my boys went off to their new school today...gulp we were all nervous but I suspect I won first prize on the anxiety front. I hope they get on OK..O was in floods of tears about it all last night and was convinced he was going to die.

My partner got another letter to tell him he was still on the waiting list??? No date just that..priceless.

I just wanted to wish you luck with your appointment and will wait to hear what happened...get in touch anytime you feel ready and if you want to..no pressure.

Wish me luck on the school pick up and I am just reminding myself that if things start to slide again then there's always Home Education.

Waves paws at Foxy

Take care and good luck my friend..waves and best wishes to Wolfie

Oatie

Hey oaty my lady, you is a doing fine lass and the whizzing about in style with lights, well sunshine life was made for living and you is a doing that in spades. The head master thing. that will take some doing as it is all about the mind ans perception. tha fact that they speak in a condecending manner and adress you as if you were on your way to class and late is a conversation that has to be derailed in the start. if he starts off with his kiddy speak if you have the stones you can politly remind him that you are nit one of his charges and that appropriate adult mode would be prefferable when addressing you, or something of that nature. 

It is a habbit many ill educated head and ordinary teachers fall into and the psyclogical hang over many people have from school leads to a deal of sucess in diminishing problems by diminishing people. he is not a power holder he is a bloke with a naff attitude and the fostering instincts of a rhinosserus. Does that help?

Foxy has uitea number of adventures and while she exercises off the lead it is not easy to see her at night so she has her own blues and twos a small flashing toggle on her collar.

All the cars down aour road that speed through at weel over 30 tha first night i took her out they all slowed down thinking she was the bussies in the distance, it is the first time i have seen cars do the length of this road as the proper speed, cool stuff. so when you do your next dash think of foxy rooting in some hedge slowing trafffic as she looks for worms.

I have clipped her front claws a metter she did not approve of and we had to pop her on her back with a two women job on the clippers and holding the submit. Phew my partner has now realised how swong foxy is a little muscle pack.

Of lead commands improving and she is managing to si in a wriggle to greet people but quickly fals in to a belly rub if you can aim in the middle of the wriggle.

Psychiatrist appointment next week a first and scotch mist appearing over the horizon. will let you know.

WB

Weather is weather there is no such thing as the wrong weather just the wrong clothes.

You've not lost me I am just waddling in poo (not literally) ..blimey paperwork and forms. I have another meeting at the new school tomorrow and hope that what I tell them doesn't instigate another delay in our start date.

Blimey do headmasters go to a special class that makes us poor parents feel that we have 'done something naughty'..every time I come away I feel I am in detention. I know it ridiculous but despite my every effort to rise against that feeling..there it is again. (LOL = Laugh out Loud).

O is doing really well at home, even though both him and his twin are stuggling with their physical health big time again. We had a blues and Two's dash last week as S had severe obstruction to breathing. Even though I have gone through this so many times it never fails to thrown me off kilter for a week or two. I m not sure how they are going to cope as they are so tired. We have decided that we have to 'suck it and see' for now. We are still awaiting an assessment date for O.

I have taken a slightly tougher stance with O and it seems to be paying off...just one warning, very firm very quick and no negotiation. He is responding well as he seems less stressed, even though I feel a right Harpie doing the 'you will do x,y, and z' in a really stern voice I have to admit it is working..no meltdowns for 8 days, he's cuddling his brother more and has told me he loves me so many times this week I have lost count. I do hope it's not because I am making him insecure with my 'barking'...but he does seem much happier.

Sorry MiL is having such an awful time..I agree with you I want a swift 'out' from this world, finding the right care and as you know getting it implemented is really difficult. You will be doing your best and thank goodness she has you onside. My parents have given very clear instruction about what they want in the way of care should they become ill...I hope I can meet their wishes but my experiences with my children don't leave me in much hope of me being able to do so with my one intact nerve not frayed to oblivion.

I have a really great network of home educators helping me whilst the boys are home..it's been a very lovely experience getting to know  them and speaking to like minded people again like yourself..I feel I am coming out of the wilderness..I have a plan B should the new school prove problematic and I am lucky enough to have had some experience of a trial run at HE whilst the boys are ill. I have decided the national curriculum is a 'bit pants' and would choose a more fluid approach at the learning process should we choose that route. I came across some John Holt books and he has turned my views on education upside down..I am becoming quite a rebel :)

Ah well I hope Foxy enjoyed her freebies and her brain growth has slowed enough for her to catch up with herself. From what you say she is coming on so well under your watchful eye. I am hoping to go out with my doggie pals tomorrow night but sadly I have been struck with a chest infection. So I am hoping the anti biotics will kick in enough tomorrow for me to catch up with my friends and their fluffy companions without me ending in a wheezy mess ;).

Best wishes from all the wheezy ones this end.

Speak soon and keep up the good work Wolfster!

Oatie

Wolfster in action again.

Ms Greer is on standby as project, of book shelves is in progress. Have a wall of books in boxes since moving in two years ago well it will be this Xmas.

We got a glimse of the holiday my partner took off work what with MiL and all the sorting. She has a care programme and the appointed care company has messed up every day for twwo week, I worked for Care UK once and quit because of the duplicitous attitude towards staff and their conservative issues. Not a go to people and a corperate money hunting lot with smiles and bullsh%$&t.

So after being pleased the whole lot was back to a work routine, I breathed a sigh of reliefe but the care is naff so my partner and carer is missing in action down with MiL. I am about ready to draw Blood and chop off a few careers.

As for your adventures I did I say there would be an avalanche of resistance and a fog of doubters. Educators spend three years being brain washed and cannot percieve that they are the problem after all that tripe they drill in to them these days. Finding a good teacher who is empowered to good old fashioned teach and she will be worrying that her school is going to be closed and the kids will be sent on a bus or train to school in the next town.

WELL DONE ! on fighting the tide of alligators, sorry educators. I am amazed and the small school will be a good step and stop the; "You didn't try trumpeters" I am proud of you and never mind the trembling and shakes, they come with thee teritory and didn't you do well, go mum go, You are doing it, the kids sound as if they are weathering the change like a trip in the rain and drying out well in between.

Hang on my strong OATY you are made of good stuff, how's this for strong if you are alive then you have in the genetic codes passed to you the history of your ancestors,they survived volcanoes, floods, famine, winters of ice and ice ages, smog, dust storms, employment through the ages and all manner of disease, so you have a great deal of spare steel you that you have yet to find and use.

So SUPER MUM, take a look in the mirror and see what is there not what you have been sold as an image which I AM IN NO DOUBT IS SHORT CHANGE ALL THE WAY. Keep listening to you lovlies bacause they are relying on you.

You are sane and your judgement is sound. What else can I do for you my sweet. But tell you hang on in there. As for the home schooling it is like going through aveil at first there is all the protest and when it is done and they get out of the way, which they try to do for a bit after you are out of school. It will all settle in to the ruthem you set and the only thing you have is the dates of the work scedule and when the school work you do is to be sent in. if you are missing any points the marker advises you on that and you make it up in the next stage. all aimed at the lovlies in their own environment. A trip to the zoo turns out to be school work.

A Friend I had in Canada, brought her kids to England and they did school while they were here, history, buildings and wildlife, etc. they were greated with extra attention and "come with" me extras, all because they were confident and interested in the places in a learning way. A world awaits you, pass through the veil when you are ready and shut out the educators and trolls that are grumping under your bridge.

Good to hear from you I thought I had lost you.

Foxy is having a few more of those brain days but is doing well and pedigree have been kind enough to say that thay were sorry I was upset when the advertised puppy club was not there because they are going through a change, the package said they had a club and goodies. I got vouchers through the post today, bonus and WINNER, so foxy gets cut priced yummies for a bit.

She can go off the lead most times but has to be managed. her come to call is improving and she may be in the http://www.alldogsmatter.co.uk/ calender.

So all is ok with me I am beginning the process of an ICAS NHS complaint because I cannot get the help my GP asked for me to have. I have waited since Feb 2010. in crisis. I am just numb now and my ptsd is worse this year.

As for my autism I am blind to any other world than mine. well cut off and very happy, is the crisis that is now a silent morm. I have got real fast at neutralising the messy side of life so it becomes invisible. . Normalisimg the abnormal and sublimating crap is a passtime. ;)

Must go MiL in need again. I promise my death will be a swift affair this dragging it out lark is so messy. Poos lass she must be out of her mind doing this stuff in slow motion.

WB

Life is precious and people even more so but our end if not dinified and swift is as rotten as it can get. courage is needed to choose rather than weather the inevitable. I have no fear of the end or its manner.

Hey sorry I have been missing in action. Things are getting pretty erratic here so my apologies.

I have let the boys have a day at the little school and it was a mixed review on my part. Despite O showing his 'tendencies' quite clearly I was surprised that the staff failed to spot his staring fixedly at the coat hooks and putting himself in a corner away from everyone, distancing himself from his peers.

On the plus side they were very clear and gentle in their guidance about what was expected and I think he may benefit from that. They other children were very kind and made extra efforts to include my boys, especially O and surprisingly he allowed them to guide him into sitting with them. They have a lovely outdoor space where they grow veggies and have cooking sessions where the children cook the produce they have grown. It has a more family oriented feel although what they would make of children with health issues like ours I have yet to find out...I honestly think you never do until you actually are fully ensconced.

We decided to give the little school a go. I have had many phone calls trying to pursuade me not to take the boys out of mainstream education and the pressure has been unrelenting. I have to say I am as yet unconvinced I am doing the right thing but I think there will be a lot less pressure on me if I give this other school a chance. I cannot see it will make anything worse.

On top of this the boys health has once again taken a nose dive and I am nursing a very poorly son at present..more steroids..so with that I had to cancel a meeting which was to arrange the boys transfer over to the new school. Once more because of the delay I am finding myself wavering and worrying.

So I will effect the transfer but once the children start we will monitor O carefully to see if there is any improvement in his feelings towards school and life in general..if it is still proving too much then out he will come and I will home educate him with a completely clear conscience. The last 2 weeks have been horrendous and I have been subjected to many outbursts of sheer anger, frustration and down right misery on his part. I will not allow this to continue indefinitely and am sorely disenchanted with the what I can only describe as institutional arrogance from the educators. They comment 'how will you cope when he treats you this way' but what they fail to see is that he is never this bad when he's not in school..OK it's sometimes problematic..but on a much lesser scale.

Ah well sorry again as you can see I am rather stressy..sometimes you try your best but never seem to please anyone.

Massive cuddles to Foxy and your good self..keep writing..and have you had your interview with Ms Greer et al yet?

Take care

Oatie

The routine and steady pace of routine even when it get knocked a bit is the gentle steady steps that i have begun to enjoy. the ups and downs are regulated by the small red dog and her needs, what is good for her and where she is at.

She gets up every day as if the confusions and mistakes of the previous day never happened, she wriggles at the sight of my waking up and greeting her, she does not accuse and is pleased with my company. As a scape goat figure in my own view I have not appreciated the benifits of not being at the bottom of the heap and to be in a position, where I am for the sake of foxys security in a position of authority and it is in her best intrest that I lead, and show her a place of directed subordination as a matter of security.

It occours to me often that dogs and autistics share so many things in common, not that we enjoy the bottom of the pack by any means but that our position is a matter of secured direction so that we have a fair and happy view of our lives, to wake up wriggling and delighted knowing our place and potential with the one who protects us aware and willing for our best each day.

For those of us who are able to direct our own intentions to be in a pack and to have a sense of position and to be secure in that and all it's expressions, that is well worth any amount of training.

Foxy has done well over the last few weeks that has had many unscheduled changes and erratic days, you would not know it as she sits on the sofa in the middle of my partner and i who are doing the pack thing, foxy is mos interested in her tail right now, funny how our small interests cause such consternations, we are animals after all and it is our animal self that we live out more than those around us.

Foxy has also introduced me to the understanding of longevity all this stuff we do is about a long term view I cannot shape foxy and how she will be in one day.

so the size of issues and days has changed, what goes into the appraisal of good has changed and slow is my friend again.

WB

Beginning, choosing, being true to who you are. All values that fall in the faltering executions that incurre judgement before understanding.

We can BE without distruction but the personal cost is not one shared and that is more of a hinderance than is often understood, our cosmology has yet to be recognised and we are the voices in the wilderness of common understanding.

So once more dear friends hold up your heads find the good in yourselves and stand up for who and what you are with as much conpassion as you can muster.

sticking to the point, pain and injury, can be about the emotional terrets side od ASD if O gets adrenaline sqeltches then that can play a part in the whole thing with all the effects of adrenaline, the shaking and the rigid tention in the body, and sweating of great like if it is in the make up all of thiss out of contro; is a lot to understand. Shock is a curve ball for the ASD mind and takes a lot to know the reasons for the ways of the body in the different senarios.

My mum was all full of matter and fact and more anatomy and physiology than grays anatomy in its first print.

So I just got told the facts and how I was working and when the tears went and they did fast as there is no need to be silly. All this knowledge was very reassuring and got me a long way, another string to my bow that has me the nick name DR amd I have diagnosed many and illness before the real ones and saved a life or two as well. Another subject for the home class room, bodies give loads of material for studdy and can be fun with a microscope, biology at its best, chrismas ideas a coming, different coloured hairs, skin, papre cut with different things too a real start to the csi in your front room.

Back to bumps and bruises, it can be about the unknown and Pain so fuel confidence by embracing it as your new best friend and get busy with the collins mini guides to lots of different subjects.

Pain is a big subject but if you don't make a big deal then it tends to follow thats how children will follow in their perceptions.

WB

Pain is your friend it will remind you, you are alive and get you to somewhere safe.

Falling in to the blues, for me the injury thing was a mix and very much depended on how i was at the time, I am, or have been a bit stoic about pain and can go all stuff and nonssence about it, fussing I call it because it attracts lots of questions that i did not know how to answer, these days its more about "Valuing myself" as if, A sudden changed sense of what is and what is not will derail the mind and the sommersaults this takes mentally are what drives me under the nearest ock to mellow in the dark and work out the references that have changed as a result of the whole experience.

Shutting out different things is all I ended up doing and that it seems has more to do with being able to sucessfully describe and communicate my expeience of what happened. Ordinary things enduce extraordinary responses that other people take for granted, I am not sure why there is this massive difference in experience but this is just one of the many components that add up to things seeming like a different planet.

I describe it as two people looking at the same tree from different sides, they both have similat reference points. i can see a tree but when it comes down to dtails completely different sides of the same thing are being communicated with words that sound the same but are being used very differently.

So even pain and physical vulnerability can be a trip, if this is accompanied with the realisation of being breakable, for the time this will require a great deal of thought to understand the implications of that. You could talk about the bodies amazing ability to heal itself and how it does that, appropriate to his age and grasp at this time. Asking if he feels dented, broken, scuffed etc will allow you to introduce a grade of hurt and pain instead of an on and off perception. You do realise this will be teaching by any other name.

To disstrust the system is wise and those bound by it who ae faced with an outcome that will reflect badly on them wriggle like worms on a hook, Go see this ather school and give it a propper appraisal be tough and ask about propper delivery, ask to speak to a mother or parent of a child that has the same or similar challenges to your children to see if its all pr or real.

Still carry on with the courage you found earlier, leaking faces is no bad thing it is the bodys way of expressing the minds voice, when words we have are not enough.

As for the 5 staff how unprofessional to ahve a delegation instead of a compassionate one to one with the head, I do hate the corperate gang culture that is so popular as if numbers and intimidation was the way to win; rather than an agreed recognition of the reality of a situation and finding a mutul point of progress for the benifit of the student. Bullying parents into innadequasy is not in my opinion the way to go.

As for notheing wrong they have that right but not as an excuse to negate their responsabilities. My sister was told the same tings and inthe end it came down to the fact tey did not want the hassle of statements, fundidng issues and extra staff and work. If they don't look it won't be therre sort of stuff, if the county has a policy of dissuadeing schools from these process and sets the bar high then they will just be budget matters. you could ask them the criteria and notification process for statemented children and special assistance for students, also the county policy on students presenting wiht the challenges oyur children face, start to make them work to keep you even if it's just to keep them so busy they leave you alon, don't expect a cornered snake not do try and bit you eigther.

So mop your face , take a deep breath, that wonky health if yours is not a super issue except it is proper bugging you, have you resolved why yet ? The stigma of less than perfect health in this hedonistic age is absurd and the health service is able in title only these days to be a participant in the real health of the nationds people, It is in the position at the moment of holding bace the tide whie the moon pulls the water to its higest as the poulations need and financial ability or innability colide to the poit that emergency stuff is mostly where it is at, witha few surviving departments haning on because they support this sand bagging of health.

I take it your brain hasn't fallen out, if steven hawking can lecture from his chair the you my sweet can teach from where you are and don't let the issue of your health diminish the fact that you can still deliver a tailored education fot the benifit of your children and their intrests better in your condition than all the other lot with their degrees and resourse put together. Watch out for dirty actics from the school who may have to cover their backs on the home school issue and loose funding too.

If they get nosy with the kids at school of pally and start asking questions and suddenly have a great intrest in how and what you are going to do, thet are not your friends and have not done you proud to date, character is character and it never changes much in my experience.

So chin up chuck, remember you can se straight, do know what you are doing and are now in control and get to choose, the implications other wise are just impressions to draw you to other peoples way of doing things and their resistance to your free choice, does that give you enough to quote at em and fly free of the shackles of implied innadeqacy.

Stand up breath and go forward strong certain and assured. stick to the central point of family,  future and your choice, expertise is not exclusive to an educated degree aadn mums have gutted out thousands of years of raising, in the face of power hungry authorities who think they know best.

WB

Who's idea of health are we persuing anyway.

My goodness what a few days!

School was..well..I kicked the wall on the way out. I held my own with 5 'professionals'.

There's nothing wrong with my kid apparently he's very happy. I soon put them right about this and with a few pointed remarks got the school nurse firmly on board. Managed to get O SEN'd and listened to a lot of lies and bull. COuntered every argument to Home Education they threw at me, was very brave and articulate..then dissolved into tears today and became a gibbering wreck.

O's in a bad way and after many tears last night he withdrew into his headphones this morning...if I find him like that when I pick him up he's not going back tomorrow until I see fit..if at all. I was amazed at how little the school understood either of my kids needs and baffled by how one minute they 'were happy and fine' and the next a special school was mentioned..WHAT! Is there no middle ground all of a sudden.

We now have a SENCO but ..well I am so unhappy I do not trust these people anymore and I am not sure I will be able to change my mind after what has happened over the last 12 months...and especially after I was told..'if only you'd mentioned this before'!

Another school 5 miles away has only 22 pupils (yes in the whole school) and we can have a place there if we wish..I liked it but am disenchanted with the system.

Hand on heart I really want to home educate..but I have huge worries about my health..yesterdays debacle has sent me in to a complete spin. Lots has been promised but I have time bound it and expect to see massive improvements. I have cried a lot today, especially after dropping O off and seeing his decline..it was heart breaking.

Mind you this worry isn't helping my health and it would be less stressful giving O what he needs at home than us all suffering on like this.

Hope you r'e OK Wolfie..can you help with a specific question please? O fell yesterday and badly grazed his face (fat lips the lot)..he has be incredibly upset by this..does his (potential) ASD make it harder for him to deal with injury? He's been in consolable since last night and am not sure if it's a school thing or an injury thing.

Oatie.

afternoon my sweet, well done on the ass in your hands as well as it falliing off with laughter. I see the numpty issues never tire in the NT education department, what part of social issues and change do they not understand. DER,,,,,,,,

Plonkers united at it's best...........I hope you are armed and dangerous, drown them in pamphlets and lists of web sites and diagnostic references and then tell them you want a report in some unreasonable time, don't get mad get even...... and if at all possible have fun I reccommend outragous wellies, a hoodie and shades, along with an outladish cardi and chewing gum that should set them up with a million preconcieved ideas and judgements but may not help your case.

Foxy had a rough day as i want in to a full shut down and grumpy session, she tok off and went of with another dog and person, Dissapointment as tyou will know is not an autistic invitation to send on a day you want results, that was it for me If she wanted to go of blah blah blah, so I went to one command expectations and if she went to the dissy what me thing i had no truck with the matter.

It was a do as i say day and no messing about, she spent a good deal of it in the kitchen when she did not do as i asked and now I only have to ask once, but i was in tears most of the day, no reason no knowledge of why just face leaking all day. by the tim i was presented with her for a cuddle in the evening by my partner I wa in to absolute rejection mode.

Bundles of tears later I was forgiven in a trice and playing tug, my little red dog was full of love and bright eyes followed soon after, I have not seen forgiveness like that so quick, as a child My mother would make things a deal for days even weeks and some times there was never an end to the recrimination, i could be out in the cold and not spoken to for ages.

I guess that is where the ASD generationally sticks a bit harder, when i was in stoic mode and was as hard as nails i didn't notice but going all soft and doing the love thing, I get very messy at times.

No harm done and yesterday saw the off lead walks restored and improved as we met a stranger with a cool older dog, foxy was impecable played, came back and sought me out, obeyed leave commands and did not rear at other dogs as much turning away, so whilst I was all of a state at being tough, with some auty cobbled emotional terrets thing going on foxy got to see that she is in a clover bed and mummy is a tough cookie but chooses to be nice a whole lot.

Spare the rod.................. and spoil my pup ? So the learning thing is going along well and my four legged mirror is working well. She is closer and less demanding now.

Another sucessful off lead walk today too in the forest. her head is on the grow again. my tiny dog is not going to be so tiny, on the way to collie size and wondering if she will o the staffy widening thing. I am quite looking forward to that if it does happen me with my grade one and tattoos along with a megga obedient status looking dog what an image.

Till then and in case she tuns out to look like a wippet shape on steroids, I will enjoy the "cor i never seen a fox on a lead before" moments.

You are right about the teacher thing and it was my intention before the crash and my crisis, to see if i could work towards some small plot of land as i had designs for a place for Autys like myself to study bush craft, old rural skills and gardening, but as with all the great ideas I have had over the years since I ceased to be single and driven by the desire to fufill my own statements of intent whatever the cost, life just aint like that and I have no hope of ever returning from this point, I am not sure I would take the therapy if it was offered now I am way past help and as you know experts are few and far between.

They have not even concieved of the issues of autistic adults raided by autistic parents, and it is two decades of "I really care about the kids" till they get around to people with the issues I have had and have.

well oaty me mate, till its time to yak again have a good one and do the rebel in us all proud when you go in to school. remember you ain't the kid no more.

And congratulations to our envelope with lots of pages in ot we are regularly at the top or front of the talk stuff. A good thing indeed.

WB

JOY is a persuit of great worth

Being hauled into the school for a short notice meeting on Weds..feelings of dread ensure!

LMAO (laughed my a** Off)..sorry will explain next time.

I have contacted the home ed people and my friend there has be friended me to lots of other people educatng outside school.

O's anxiety returned with a vengeance this weekend..but I suspect it was his new teacher telling him that he 'no longer needed his red card'. £ days into term..what a great choice of timing that was...NOT. So I am armed and ready for battle again on Weds I will let you know how it goes..but I definately have plan B in hand and my gut instinct is that school is on borrowed time for this family.

I just need some adjustment time and to get myself organised.

I'd definately stick with the 2 meals per day forever..we do and ours dogs are old timers now..neither are over weight from it.

I think you would make a great teacher but maybe not in a school environment (mainly for your own sanity)..I see you more doing non classroom stuff outdoors...the female equivalent of Ray Mears in Surrey... 

Speak soon and take care

Oatie

xxx

Yo oats you is fine girl, you can rammble all you want i am just made up i am consistent and got someone to put my own mind in order with.

LMAO has me scratching my head so i guess i need educating in the short speak department.

My meter readings are around 420 so i am firing well I have to go to the mountains to get a better reading and with the air so dirty with car stuff and the rest i am on a hiding to nothing, I have stuff in the cupboard but I dump it as fast as i can, the choice is nice and I can reckon the importance with the meter readings being that low and as for muppet GP's.

Don't get me started. We are eons behind other countries while the GMC protects its fragile and worthless ego.

In the meantime the best of what has been learned over the last 300 years in westrern medicine that is based on what has been learned from the dead and now just beginning to learn from the living and the best and obvious that would fuel the health of a nation is side lined to the wealthy choice and depriving the masses of benificial choices.

Other countries manage to think in terms of mutual benifit to all and we still foster dog eat dog for the benifit of the wealthy minority. Bah don't get me started on the issus, I have listened to the detrements of classist policy and superior indogents among the eliteist and upper middle educated who have no idea of what it takes to live on a working low wage and get by.

I did not start off on the streets and hostels, anfrom seven bedrooms to a room in a holding hostel is a long long way from the privalage and benifits I was bullied for.

Well ding dong who is bantering on now.

Keep sane and store the chocolate in easy reach.

Foxy had what I now call a brain day, her head is on the grow. I have got breakfast with two eggs scrambled, it is small and it sets her up for the day, she is keen too. She has put back on the condition she lost when she went off the split daily food intake that is reccommended for her development.

It is time for me to get my act together and stand up from the crisis that has knocked off my feet. I used to just steel my self but this time i have needed to think about how I do that, not having my spine repaired has meant that I cannot do the things that have been my trade and focus for decades, I did want to teach at one time but I am not sure since I have struggled that my autism is too intrusive to this.

I have pretty much seen this as a lost pipe dream, I went to a adult teaching class introduction at brooklands college in weybridge the teacher said " parents dont want their children taught by someone like you" That was a kick but I am thinking that while I did not like to hear it perhaps there was substance to this. So now I am in useless limbo and never going to work again, I can't hold downa job. I am real FUBAR --( F*&%ed up beyond recognition) I have no idea where to begin and what other people are seeing I have no idea.

I rely loved the building but not the deadlines and pressure the old demand avoidance is a road to artistry, but that got killed off in secondary school by an old fart of a teacher who demanded young women were in a mold of her own. I never did the lady like thing. Couldn't afford the vulnerability.

Time to go or I will bash your brain all day good to catch up keep it coming we will do our version of sanity and therapy together.

WB

For opportunity to be a reality there has to be substance to the intentions of those who offer anything. Isolation is preferable to deadends and false promises.

I have a very vivid spool of pictures running though my head of Foxy in Pets at Home...I have a clear view in my mind of her innate inquisitiveness.

I can relate to what has happened with MiL..I was put on a geriatric ward last year due to bed shortages and I was appalled at the lack of humanity. I saw special diets ignored, peoples food left in front of them when they need help to fed themselves etc etc.I over heard conversations weighing up the viability of treatments over age. Now I am all for choice and non intervention if there would be no benefit in doing so..but if there can be an improvement to quality of life then doctors are duty bound in my opinion regardless of the age of the patient. The sooner you can get MiL home the better, I am glad the family want her home.

I had a call off my GP at 7pm last night querying the validity of the medications requested. I got him to concede to 1 lot of meds (after listening to much patronising and condescending rubbish). The end was me feeling furiously angry. I emailed the Prof and he rang me at 8.30 and had a long chat about the problems with the GP. I am laughing because it's so nice to have some one sensible on side who listens to me like I am intelligent. He said 'these people haven't listened to you for years, and as a consequence your boys have been seriously ill and admitted to hospital repeatedly. We will not let you GP feelings get in the way of doing the right thing'.

So whether he decides to fall into line or not is his choice, we will go round him if necessary. The GP refused to phone the Prof himself. SO prof will either do that himself OR put it all in writing. Thankfully I had enough steroids in my cupboard to give the required dose last night. If we still don't get anywhere the Prof will ensure I have the drugs at home at my disposal so they can be given immediately in future. In the meantime I need to get the boys peak flow up to 150 again ..I have today and tomorrow to get this..if no better by Friday then the next part of the action plan kicks in. Prof will contact me later today with his views on whether he considers the boys have improved enough in 24hrs. Gone from 110 to 130 so a slight improvement.

Sorry am rambling..getting it all sorted in my head and writing helps..must be very boring for you so just skip the dull bits..typing is my therapy LMAO.

OH O had a really good day at school yesterday..he said it was 'Fantastic'! His new teacher is more structured in her approach and I think it made things more settled for him. YEAH! I have a plan B if all else fails and will use this time to study about the home schooling.

Thanks for listening

Oatie

winter is on the way, we have watched as the thermometer has droped two degrees a night till last night when it did three, we started watching thermometers in Canada, where it is the best wat to tell how to dress, other than that it is popping out and feeling what your nose and lungs do whan you breath in, I got it down to a fine art and could tell the temperature within a degree, just from sniffing. Not bad for a limey visitor in their first winteer and from then on every visit I got better at it.

Foxy went to play with a friend JIP who is a ten month old boxer who learned to submit today, foxy was splatted by his paws for a few goes but she out ran was fitter and out smarted him in the end. I caught her actually flashing her butt after winning his submit to me she well looked as if she was gloating , with a see this moment.

She took offf on the common and would not come to call, I collected her popped her in the naughty mode and she is on the long lead I made last week till she has an absolute understanding of recall now. It has already worked a bit as the play run in an enclosed garden had her coming away from some fine play when I tested the whistle I use to call her.

But it needs work and I am in mo rush to put her free till this blind drive is cured a bit more. she loves children and other dogs so that she wriggles throughout. we have nick named her wriggles as a rezult.

A trip to Pets at home was a real fun time and she spent the afteernoon trying out beds till it was obvious the one she liked, which was the first one in the end, girls is girls when shopping. She used the touch skill i tuaght her to choose toys and at threee for two she chose them in her favourite order and plays with the same favour she showed in the shop, the colour of the balls were in order of preference and pink and red are first every time. I have a girly, girl on my hands.

She had her photo taken for the website and as a result I spent the next two days capitulating and joining facebook.

Your poor boys sound as if life is a bit tough just now and your foresight is well placed, it has forever annoyd me that the state says it must and will regulate the children of this country only to be so overwhelmed by the reasonable back lash that children have leveled for generations at thsystem that farms a modular squeese towards a minority sucess for the purposes of fueling a capitalist stuff machine for the love of money and the wealth of a few.

I am proudly raised a communist, not a fannatic and not a lover of the pogroms or the squeese it generated but for the value of all those who contribute to the well being of our society, but then i can remember what the streets were like when the bin men refused to work to impress this point of working class value, UP THE WORKERS. I would be one of them if my back was as valuable as the man down the road who is the same age, same build and same skill experience but his back could be fixed and mine is of lesser value, I am not part of the most dissenfranchised group since the war ended without having the consequences of that on my doorstep, hey ho you have to love a medic with an inbred blind bias.

So Glad you have a good one, I found a female who has picked up where the others lost intrest and have had 4 injections in the spine this last year, am up for MOT next week.

MiL is comming home soon ish when the army of people it will take is lined up and this will be the end there is no up hill form here and the girls of the family promised not to pack her off to a home to expire so they are fighting for her home comming and the doc''s seem to be cool with that thought the condesendin stuck up female of the bunch nearly killed her over the weekend with the rubbish management and her ward has a reputation both with the staff in the hospital and in the town as a shadowy joseph mengelease place to go, and I have to say proven after the worries and trouble she hospital. It has a don't care cos they are alone and dying anyway attitude towards the inmates, yes I did use that turn of phrase. It is a corner cut without too many to notice place.

And they send me trust burble cos I am a member, so i get to see the gloss and the reality, do these people think that bad news and gossip is just idle chatter, for me it is the spoken truth and the noise of those not bought off by fluffy words and PR postulating.

Sun is coming up and the book cases that have been a conundrum for months have a solution around the corner, i have oodles of books to dig in to and miss the soothing silence that is part of reading , the slowed world that is the vastnes of space in the mind and the timelessness that it brings.

So oaty good luck wiht the ladies at the home school gig aadn rember you are not trying to be a super local high but a tailord education establishment with your boys as the star pupils, just on more days than they can get at a state school.

WB

The obsession with more, bigger, better and higher has value in that it has been the driver of our evolution but whilst we are in the grip of a love of mediocrity as a chosen mean, we are faced with the poverty of wasted people and skills dicarded as valueless. This will depleat the sucess of individuals and marginalise the future of the generations that follow, as they are reduced to compliant cooperation and indifferent productivity, that is if we are not already there.

Thanks for that..I have had to do some serious juggling again today. The boys 1st day back to school and their breathing has deteriorated quite suddenly..so I have had to do lots or ringing and running around to set up the next stage of their treatment plan. We now have a fantastic (I SO love this guy) Prof looking after us from the childrens hospital. I dropped him an email today and within minutes he was on the phone discussing what he wanted to do to try and alleviate the boys conditions. In 5 years I have never met a doctor like him. He gave me a list of drugs and said any problems get them to ring my mobile and i'll deal with it. It is a relief not to have the weight of their respiratory disorder resting soley on my shoulders for once.If the boys breathing continues to be an huge issue again this winter then school is unlikely to be sustainable (they were part time last winter) and the decision will be made. I have not ruled out home schooling at all and am going to get a book about it ordered when I get the chance. I watched O slide physically and mentally the last few days leading up to him going back. Yesterday was horrendous for us all and he was beside himself. Today he looked grim and was very anxious...it's the miserable resigned -ness about him that really gets to me.

I am also going to contact a local home school group (I know someone there already) and just tag along to ask questions about my fears etc. I have loved having the boys home over the holidays and I am missing them today...and am worrying due to their other problems..the school don't pick up on their breathing like I do..but I have had a lot of practice over the last 5 years.

I wish you lived nearer too ..it would be fun and I think we have a lot of shared interests and beliefs.

Thanks for the support..how's MiL doing? I hope Foxy is OK too.

KIndest wishes

Oatie

My dear friend Oaty, I hope I can call you friend it seems comfortable. I admire the instincts of women and thik that the neurotic thing is a hand me down from the social little woman syndrome that was freely handed out till the spice girls came along.

As for the mind gym you own you are no different and sound just like me, my mum, my sister and , and , ....................... so the whole deal is less about neurotic which is an old fashioned word for non compliant woman or different woman or thinking woman, I got away with out the neurotic label as there was an obsession with supressing the obvious *** in me ansd butch was no lady *** you know but my fine mind could do battle with the social expectation very well to the annoyance and later impotence of the general expectations of the day. so you can ditch the doubts and the soacial label if you like and go with oppressed.

As for the neuro damage unless the brain is fading is fast fashion I think you sound, sound and in my experience all the wacky ideas that my parents had and did not act on I am able to say was a pity they were ahead of themselves. I would have benifited a great deal, even with my mother propensity to be %$&***>"! or whatever would fit, she was smart and knew how to tap in to our minds well.

S will do well socially I have no doubt and adjust and O will set a good example which is a fair exchange on eigther part. I am encouraging you here to look past the missgivings that have been handed to you and to move into a frame of mind that is based on what is possible, it is easy to be frozen by the no mans land of if's and what's. In my experience a mothers instinct is the best compass in the world and the best thing a person can learn about, it is the funnel of narrow direction that all the minds of the yong hate, that is the dicotomy of the school system.

If you look there are a thousand worlds all full and waiting with the people who have taken the first steps to the things they believe to be true and different, when they met the people out there in what they thought was a void.

Take care if you were round the corner I would offer to do lessons each week, I have never lost the thirst for learning that I was born with, but I hated school in the end, for it's limmited outlook and small view of possibilities, doing the minimum was not me.

Take care Oaty and remember you are just like loads of us.

WB

To be sure, certain, confident. you need to rely with ease, fearlessness and belief in your own judgements actions and assesment of the things in life. then you can cinfide in yourself.

I agree..I still toy with the home school issue weekly. I have contacts who do it and never looked back..ironically a lot of them are ex teachers..which speaks volumes about the education system. The kids I know who do it as exactly as you described..I just worry I wouldn't be up to the job.

I am sure O would thrive but am not sure about S..he loves the social aspect of school and it would be hard for him to knuckle down at home and he can be distracting to his more studious minded twin.

I kind of hope I will recover and be able to do home school one day but I am told this won't happen. I have nerve damage and other ongoing issues that are complicated and not going to get better with time. 

ANy how..Brian and I saw the AS guy last night..who was fantastic. He has written a bit on AS, is on the spectrum himself and was very clued up. He is sure Brian is on the spectrum. Brian also saw a shrink today..pretty much as we expected..disinterest. He gave Brian a test on different scenarios and said if he scored 4 he would refer him onto another consultant..Brian scored 9 so we are now awaiting his 3rd appointment with this other guy. Sounds like the next chap is the one he needs to see as he will spend a day being observed and talking about his whole life. No idea how long it will take.

The shrink told Brian that 'when you get your diagnosis there is no provision for people with you type of disorder'..so same old same old. We were not expecting anything beyond the assessment process and that is why we started seeing this therapist privately. We both feel very positive about this and the assessment is just a formality, and hopefully and aid to getting people to take our concerns about O seriously.

So no alarms and no surprises there. I had a look at the PDA and it sounds very similar to O, although he has other traits too. The therapist sent us loads of stuff to read and told us to highlight things we related to..I found I could highlight a lot of traits for both Brian and myself so I will discuss this with him next time we go. I have felt most of my life that I was 'acting' and was always frightened that people would find out 'what a shambles I really was' if I let them see the real neurotic, OCD me...I love order, routine..have some rituals, and am light noise and smell sensitive. I have not used avoidance tactics as a child or adult although I have suffered with very bad depression and social phobia on many occasions. I can also become immersed in certain things and feel annoyed/stressed if I have to stop them without completing the task fully..this always caused me issues in the work place. Hmmm rubs chin....I will ask more. I also replay things on a loop that have bothered me..no amount of counselling ever stops this from happening and I feel hounded by past events no matter how hard I try to let them go or rationalise them.

I do not have any issues with empathy though..I wish I had..I can weep buckets over injustices or sad events that happen to others....I think perhaps I am just neurotic in a general sense. 

Ah well enough gibbering...glad MiL is rallying and I hope you don't have to keep fighting too hard with the NHS to get what she needs.

Take care

Oatie

a different point of view, well oatty it all sounds a bit like PDA to me on the who am I front, my family is mostly around this and it is the main reason that we get overlooked, it's like you are you arn't on the spectrum.

MiL is improving but the hospital has to be chased to do everything right and the compllaints process is just a red tape exercise in annoyance just to get people to do the job thy are supposed to do in the first place.

HOME SCHOOLING, I had a friend in Canada who was home schooling and so were lots of others in the valley they lived, she used to have an in line advise thing going. I have to say the parentds and other locals got together to pool expertise and trips out to places of industry, historical site and the whole preset work books worked a treat.

The days began wiht a routine and that was that the rest rolled on like a well oiled machine. I did notice the big difference was that all refusals had to be passed with mum as the point of resistance but when she moved the sence of responsibility and achievement to the children rather than the battle of resistant that remians in place with a school authority and its rigid expectations.

I found the children better adjusted more rounded, much more secure across the whole social skill range and happier. Behaviour was better too and the sence of their own ways much better understood, they knew their own needs more clearly and were better equiped to communicate this.

They had a love of life and were very curious, had their chilhood preserved a little more as well.

The visit I had was cool and I got to show them how to clean and gut a fish.

Locals offered their skills and lessons moved about all the time when desired, trips were school and school was life in the end full of wonder.

If my recollections of the people I knew which became the basis of learning later in my life the horrors of education would not have been at all.

The regulations are there to put you off its a design feature of the system and an addmittion by defaulted difficulty to stop home schooling because this will errode the mass production of working fodder for the machine that is, modern life allegedly.

But the extra disciplines and the routine of direction falling to you can be shared with the children once they have settled in and worked out that this has to be done and resistance is not an option that allows for the fun stuff.

http://www.home-schooling-uk.com/

I can understand the hessitance my parents opted not to but that was realy the hippie thing then passing us by and I for one would have done well, except that my mother had her own issues and I think they would have added a little disaster to the mix. Blind spots not withstanding

WB

Freedom and An-archy, to be without heir-archy. We are taught these things are not a part of a good future, but in fact to think for ourselves and to satisfy the need for altruism and justice, these are only achieved in the circumstances of circle or wholeistic community. Anything else fosters rage.

Migraines are big pants..that is the pits. Think the biggest most uncomfortable pants with itchy elastic..that's migraines.. I have them daily for the last 5 years..there's no hope for me but to try and lessen the severity of the symptoms..So my sympathies.

Despite your stresses with MiL etc you sound as though you are coping admirably so hats off to you.

I have a day off from mothering today and am catching up on all the little jobs I have left...the boys are back to school on the 7th and I am really going to miss them...I keep toying with home schooling but my family shake their heads in horror at me.

I think if my health was better I would have pulled the boys out of school 6 months ago.. but if I am brutally honest with myself I don't think I am up to the demands of dealing with the education authority and their regulations...the boys and me I think would manage but the legislation..ergghh. Mind you if the education side doesn't start to get a grip on O soon I may just give them the digit anyway.

Yes a round house in a field I honestly think I would be good at that too...maybe we should pool our resources ...sometimes I would just like to pull up a drawbridge and shut the world away from my family.

My partner sees the shrink on Friday and we both are talking to a guy with AS on Thursday who helps NT and AS couples work out coping stratgies..should be interesting...wish us luck. SOme days I am not exactly sure just how NT I am anyway I deffo have certain traits myself...but I am very good at reading people so it's a complex one. I deffo think in pictures and am rather OCD and find new situations anxiety forming.

Take care

Oatie