Published on 12, July, 2020
Well my post diagnosis was messy and the mute shut down and rejection of alll medical assistance was the out working of a failier of response that is typical of the mental health provisions in surrey. the few people I saw were ok and the psychiatrist did get me a step along but i was wel annoyed that his paper work was nessacary to qualify what i had been bleeting on about for years anf even now the system has let me drift off because i was traumatise dby the 40 questions it takes to get an assesment to go on the 18 month waiting list for therapy. PLEASE
So how was i exumed from my silence and driven from my pyjamas and the doldrums of indifferent failier and the contemplations of my own execution that I willing ly considered and rejected to continue what I saw as fsithful but self detructive choice to live.
Well She is called Foxy anad she is the dumped dog who escaped the battersey death nell, to become my little world of sucess on a different world view of things.
You can see her baby picture here
http://www.alldogsmatter.co.uk/?dogs-rehomed,7
I am up at 4 to keep the floor dry and when she eats I remember to, her walks and my medication go together and all in all we are a good team, I have to be the boss and eat first and have learned to shout or bark when I am not happy with realy bad behaviour, I am the one who is at the training classes she is well smart and had to go up a class.
The staff at the school responded in fine style to my iam autistic card and a few of them have first hand experience and experts in the friend and family line who would consult to help my challenges, which was overwhelming on the first day.
http://adolescentdogs.com/ have been exelent in their understanding and have been keen to help me keep a sfe and happy doe mostly I needed reassuring that i wass not breaking her in some way.
So I was lead out of the rock under which I crawled realy by a small bright inteligent Little Red Dog, called Foxy.
WB
When ther are no languages to bridge the devide it is the best of us as animals that we have in common, it is sad that we despise this beauty in ourselves as base and of no value or function, for I think it is the very antidote to all that ails us as a result of the toxicity of the life we call modern.
The routine and steady pace of routine even when it get knocked a bit is the gentle steady steps that i have begun to enjoy. the ups and downs are regulated by the small red dog and her needs, what is good for her and where she is at.
She gets up every day as if the confusions and mistakes of the previous day never happened, she wriggles at the sight of my waking up and greeting her, she does not accuse and is pleased with my company. As a scape goat figure in my own view I have not appreciated the benifits of not being at the bottom of the heap and to be in a position, where I am for the sake of foxys security in a position of authority and it is in her best intrest that I lead, and show her a place of directed subordination as a matter of security.
It occours to me often that dogs and autistics share so many things in common, not that we enjoy the bottom of the pack by any means but that our position is a matter of secured direction so that we have a fair and happy view of our lives, to wake up wriggling and delighted knowing our place and potential with the one who protects us aware and willing for our best each day.
For those of us who are able to direct our own intentions to be in a pack and to have a sense of position and to be secure in that and all it's expressions, that is well worth any amount of training.
Foxy has done well over the last few weeks that has had many unscheduled changes and erratic days, you would not know it as she sits on the sofa in the middle of my partner and i who are doing the pack thing, foxy is mos interested in her tail right now, funny how our small interests cause such consternations, we are animals after all and it is our animal self that we live out more than those around us.
Foxy has also introduced me to the understanding of longevity all this stuff we do is about a long term view I cannot shape foxy and how she will be in one day.
so the size of issues and days has changed, what goes into the appraisal of good has changed and slow is my friend again.
Beginning, choosing, being true to who you are. All values that fall in the faltering executions that incurre judgement before understanding.
We can BE without distruction but the personal cost is not one shared and that is more of a hinderance than is often understood, our cosmology has yet to be recognised and we are the voices in the wilderness of common understanding.
So once more dear friends hold up your heads find the good in yourselves and stand up for who and what you are with as much conpassion as you can muster.