Post diagnosis

No thanks required.

I call 'um as I see 'um.

.....and please don't stop sharing your interest in UFO matters - yes, there are nay sayers about for sure, but they are calm and not shouty - just certain.  That's not the worst.  I have an insatiably curious mind, so I am endlessly fascinated by the topic - and frankly, struggle to understand why EVERYONE isn't like "pretty damn engaged" with the topic these days.  See ya round.

deep felt thanks 

NAS86592 said:

Since childhood I've led a life full of very transient friendships and tried to compensate via a focused work ethic while recognising my general incapability to engage with people. 

I try to compensate for virtually all my shortcomings via my work abilities.  My work is how and why I meet people....all kinds of people.  My work is not separate to me, it embodies me.  I'm ok with that....I actually feel pretty blessed that I don't consider my work - work.....it's just me, being me and occasionally getting paid for it.

btw - you definitely are having a bit of a moan above!.....but that is so ok here, you are known and accepted here, you are one of us whether you like it or not.  I value your contributions to this place.

I "toe dip" in and out of this forum. I need to read and re-read threads at length to digest all that is written. Basically, I do not feel worthy enough to engage with this forum in comparison to the life experiences of you lot despite knowing in my heart it is silly of me while supported with a contradictory feeling of comradery. Since childhood I've led a life full of very transient friendships and tried to compensate via a focused work ethic while recognising my general incapability to engage with people.  I have  been  called "antisocial". I've tried many times to join social groups and have always experienced rejection. I must give off the wrong "vibes" in anticipation of this repeated scenario with the result of having developed an emotionally numb unresponsiveness. I'm not having a moan as I have accepted this as my social status quo having thus far reached this late stage of my life. In answer to the initial question ---YES.

Carl Au said:

I don't know how long ago you were assessed, but analysing yourself to death is really common post assessment, I did it myself for long enough.

And second guessing everything, adding caveats to sentences that you never did before, realising the certainty you thought you had, wasn't there at all.  

Could you try and find a new hobby? I imagine it would be quite common for some people to feel bit lost after retirement if their work meant so much to them (though personally if I make it that far I can’t wait but I do have many, many hobbies I can’t seem to find time for due to exhaustion). Or maybe as a suggestion, pt gardening work? One of my neighbours has a retired gardener. He doesn’t weed but cuts the grass and trims one hedge for them as they can’t quite manage it anymore. 

Number said:

"Oh bugger, I've screwed up my life and the lives of others around me through self-ignorance.  Now that I have the knowledge of why (to a large extent) that is the case, I am going to USE that knowledge to ensure that the next quarter century is f**king brilliant!"

I echo your response :

it’s easier said than done

I'm pushing 78 this May and although my ASD history has in comparison to many, allowed me the ability to focus on my work with an intensity unknown to NT's. Since my diagnosis (a year ago)  I thought it would allow me to be more at ease with myself with answers. I continue to beat myself up loosing my self worth. My past escape from these thoughts was always through a focus on my work. Since my retirement at 75 (see my profile) it's really been a living hell for me with all this spare time. I can only relate to many negative past experiences starting in a friendless childhood carrying onto as a friendless OAP.  Unplugged's quote is "easier said than done."

'Family also keep telling me that my Autism is God’s Punishment for being a disobedient child'

We're born autistic, so they're completely wrong.

Family also keep telling (screaming down the phone at) me that my Autism is God’s Punishment for being a disobedient child in childhood and have always maintained that lack of sufficiently strict and harsh parental discipline (including corporal punishment) and lack of harsh childhood life was lacking which also caused my condition, as they are traditional Catholics - my parents marriage was never approved of by my grandparents on my Dad’s side due to both parents childhood traumas, as both my grandparents Marriage's on both sides of my family were also disapproved of through grandmothers families - many of my extended family members are from a Millitary background so firmly believe in Millitary discipline to manage the condition 

At age 52, I get the point about “over-sharing” as I have had some horrible experiences long before my (online) diagnosis in 2019 when I’d “come out” as gay over 30 years ago, especially in the Catholic Rural Ireland of that time and even after I’d moved to Manchester in 2002, having worked in supermarkets in both Ireland and the U.K. for 30 years as I’d always been treated horribly, even by other gay men, who labelled me a “freak and a weirdo” among many other things, even worse than anyone else - I finally gave up on the gays and went back to my Catholic Faith 15 years ago but family still keep urging me to “grow up” and “cop myself on” and say that I’m in need of a good “clip across the ear” telling me that I don’t understand that I’m wrong about everything by default because it comes from me and believe that I need to be put and kept firmly in my place (cruel to be kind) tough love and kept firmly in check and knocked back a peg or ten for my own good 

I’ve had the same experiences over 30 years ago when I first came out as gay in my past life (then a bad move in Catholic Rural Ireland of that time) and I found huge non-acceptance on the Dublin gay scene from other gay men because of my only child background, but I’m not as strong a person I thought I was, because my parents, because of thier own trauma issues (where their marriage was disapproved of as a consequence) were neglectful and did not give me enough of the kind of harsh upbringing and enough harsh enough strict discipline that my grandparents on my Dad’s side always said I needed - and before they encouraged me to go for diagnosis in 2019, this lack of proper discipline in childhood was constantly cited for my developing autism - when I moved to Manchester in 2002 (another bad move) I found that non-acceptance even greater from other gay men and I was labelled all sorts of names based on the prejudice and discrimination that is rife within the gay community - post (online) diagnosis I’m still trying to get a post-diagnostic assessment to establish my support needs and not having this has caused me to quit working today, as I’m more likely to be able to access adult autism support if not working, even if this involves “awkward” conversations with jobcentre and others - I’ve always been conditioned from childhood to be on my own, but in the light of my diagnosis, family in Ireland are insisting that I have a live-in carer or long-term residential placement in order to provide the ultra strict Millitary style discipline that they firmly believe and maintain is vital to managing my condition 

Hey, sorry I know you have lots of replies but I was diagnosed with ASD just under a week ago and I feel the exact same. I thought I was going to be so happy that I finally have answers, happy that I know I'm not just 'weird'. Happy that I now understand myself a bit better. But actually, it has made me feel even worse about myself. Every single thing I do at home or at work, I'm analysing, trying to distinguish whether a non-ASD person would be doing the same, or whether its because of the autism. It's exhausting but you are not alone. It's nice to see that I am not alone either. 

Zoe

Yes I am just at the same stage but in my sixties and retired. Looking back I realise that I was good at my job because I am Autistic not in spite of it. Indeed it was watching the "Autism from the Inside" video on YouTube about the 9 positive aspects of Autism that first led me to accept I am Autistic. Since then I have watched loads of his videos plus Purple Ella and SamdySam. Being retired has given me plenty of time to do this. I am also going on a Zoom chat run by Adults with Autism east and west Midlands but still a bit wary of oversharing. This is where the advice on the YouTube videos above have been so useful in "coming out" carefully. I hope this helps. 

‘…to look at your life through a new lens and do what you need to do to be happy on your terms, and without guilt’. Yes. I think that’s exactly right. Well said. 

Hi LostGUY, yes I am the same when it comes to finding friends. Though you may still gel with the new group of people, I suppose it could be entirely possible that one of them may be ND too. I wish I could offer some advice but I don’t have a great track record! I see people post in here though that do have friends, so it’s not entirely impossible just because you have a diagnosis, don’t give up :) 

And yes it does make sense, part of me at the back of my mind thinks ok, it’s just a label I’ve found out about myself. But it’s not just a label to identify myself to other people, it’s the way my brain works, and that’s why I’ve found so many thing’s difficult up to this point. And I doubt they’ll stop being difficult, but I guess at least I now know why. 

As autistic people we are naturally inclined to obsess over things and research things intensely. I think for some of us it seems we can obsess over autism itself. Autism is a very interesting subject after all. I don’t personally do this because I’m usually much too busy worrying about other stuff!

Hi zoe, yes, I feel exactly the same, everything you describe is me for the last 10 months. Before diagnosis I actually felt I might have found a group of friends after many years wondering how it was done, now I just think, I'm wasting my time, in never going to gel with these people. I used to see myself as quirky, now I see myself as different and not capable of making close friends. That said, I'm hoping it might be different in the autistic community. 

I agree about not going ahead with certain things because you don't have to. I've done that a lot more since my diagnosis too. 

As for my mood, I swing from... This is not going to change me, I'm going to carry on as I was before... To, this has completely changed my thinking, how can I carry on as before. Hope that makes sense. 

Anyway, good luck, hopefully we can all learn from each other on here. 

Done

Holy moly, you really are a long lost sister.....maybe ping me a PM...I would like to share some more with you....no need to formalise a "friends' status....just a one word hi, and then I can respond with some words that I only wish to share privately.  Your choice - no pressure - I'm easy either way - no offense will be caused any/which/way.

Yes indeed. A late diagnosis does kind of push you through this. I was diagnosed over year ago but still going through it. On one hand the ever deeper understanding is mega useful, on the other I'd just like to retreat to my yarn cupboard and be me now, thanks! I dare say it will work out in the end.