Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve read a few bits since being here that have got me thinking today. Although I’m glad I found out I’m asd, and it explains so much of my life, I’m also angry because honestly I’d really rather not be. I’m also starting to think it’s taking over my life… Everything I do now in the back of my head it’ll be ‘thats the autism’. So part of that is well it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad about not fitting in anymore or the meltdowns, but now I can’t get it out of my head. It’s almost like I’ve become stuck. Constantly reading about it, assessing things I do, knowing that if I don’t want to do something I don’t actually have to because of it. That in itself is becoming another addition that’s contributing to the burnout, which is ridiculous.
Anyone else feel like this?
Zoe
Yes I am just at the same stage but in my sixties and retired. Looking back I realise that I was good at my job because I am Autistic not in spite of it. Indeed it was watching the "Autism from the Inside" video on YouTube about the 9 positive aspects of Autism that first led me to accept I am Autistic. Since then I have watched loads of his videos plus Purple Ella and SamdySam. Being retired has given me plenty of time to do this. I am also going on a Zoom chat run by Adults with Autism east and west Midlands but still a bit wary of oversharing. This is where the advice on the YouTube videos above have been so useful in "coming out" carefully. I hope this helps.
At age 52, I get the point about “over-sharing” as I have had some horrible experiences long before my (online) diagnosis in 2019 when I’d “come out” as gay over 30 years ago, especially in the Catholic Rural Ireland of that time and even after I’d moved to Manchester in 2002, having worked in supermarkets in both Ireland and the U.K. for 30 years as I’d always been treated horribly, even by other gay men, who labelled me a “freak and a weirdo” among many other things, even worse than anyone else - I finally gave up on the gays and went back to my Catholic Faith 15 years ago but family still keep urging me to “grow up” and “cop myself on” and say that I’m in need of a good “clip across the ear” telling me that I don’t understand that I’m wrong about everything by default because it comes from me and believe that I need to be put and kept firmly in my place (cruel to be kind) tough love and kept firmly in check and knocked back a peg or ten for my own good