Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve read a few bits since being here that have got me thinking today. Although I’m glad I found out I’m asd, and it explains so much of my life, I’m also angry because honestly I’d really rather not be. I’m also starting to think it’s taking over my life… Everything I do now in the back of my head it’ll be ‘thats the autism’. So part of that is well it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad about not fitting in anymore or the meltdowns, but now I can’t get it out of my head. It’s almost like I’ve become stuck. Constantly reading about it, assessing things I do, knowing that if I don’t want to do something I don’t actually have to because of it. That in itself is becoming another addition that’s contributing to the burnout, which is ridiculous.
Anyone else feel like this?
Hi I had this after I realised I was autistic. This co-incided with lockdown so didn't have a massive amount else to do. I watched so many videos on ASD, a few of which I really identified with. Being in my 50's I have no idea what is me, what is asd, what is adhd, even though I have read so much. Don't beat yourself up about it, give yourself time and space to work things out, but be aware you may never work things out.
Rob
I’ve had much the same experiences during and after Covid diagnosis in 2021 here in the U.K. at age 52 having been “encouraged” to get the assessment by family in Ireland after redundancy from supermarket retailing after 17 years in 2019 - it does not help either that my family in Ireland simply refuse to understand autism in any other terms other than that of lack of “cop on” which they firmly believe and maintain can only be managed by the use of ultra-strict Millitary-style discipline and dismissing all other views and opinions (especially coming from myself) as “nonsense” and thier saying things like “if you had been given far more corporal punishment in childhood, slapped far harder and far more often in childhood, you would not have this “thing” and in screaming at me to “shut up, because you do not understand that you are (always) wrong (by default) on everything - and “everyone else” says so” - being later in life diagnosis is a very similar experience to my coming out as gay in my teens and especially that I come from a traditional Irish Catholic Rural cultural background as the only child in my immediate family living alone in Manchester 20 years, with 30 years in supermarket retailing - it also makes it much more difficult in my current hotel job when dealing with cultural differences and language barriers, also with so little post diagnostic support for autistic adults in my experience
I massivley feel for you with that attitude from family, that is just abuse. I was never allowed to be diffrent but it wasn't abusive, I think my parents we gueinley trying to do what was best againt a background of ignorance. Take care of your self and do as you feel is right.
'Family also keep telling me that my Autism is God’s Punishment for being a disobedient child'
We're born autistic, so they're completely wrong.
Family also keep telling (screaming down the phone at) me that my Autism is God’s Punishment for being a disobedient child in childhood and have always maintained that lack of sufficiently strict and harsh parental discipline (including corporal punishment) and lack of harsh childhood life was lacking which also caused my condition, as they are traditional Catholics - my parents marriage was never approved of by my grandparents on my Dad’s side due to both parents childhood traumas, as both my grandparents Marriage's on both sides of my family were also disapproved of through grandmothers families - many of my extended family members are from a Millitary background so firmly believe in Millitary discipline to manage the condition