Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve read a few bits since being here that have got me thinking today. Although I’m glad I found out I’m asd, and it explains so much of my life, I’m also angry because honestly I’d really rather not be. I’m also starting to think it’s taking over my life… Everything I do now in the back of my head it’ll be ‘thats the autism’. So part of that is well it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad about not fitting in anymore or the meltdowns, but now I can’t get it out of my head. It’s almost like I’ve become stuck. Constantly reading about it, assessing things I do, knowing that if I don’t want to do something I don’t actually have to because of it. That in itself is becoming another addition that’s contributing to the burnout, which is ridiculous.
Anyone else feel like this?
I think it's part of the process but I'm tired of thinking about it. I just see it as the way my thoughts go. If I wasn't stuck on this, I'd be stuck on something else. Each notion tiring me out but being unable to stop. I can't see it fizzling out completely because I can't really escape it!
I always said a diagnosis wouldn't stop me doing anything I used to do. That was 2 years ago. Now with some time off work and then reduced hours due to physical illness and time to digest the diagnosis , I feel like I'm closing down. I'm a bit reluctant to change anything or do anything to move forward in my life. Altho im more aware of the impact and am able to manage things better, I'm scared I'll end up in the burnt out positions I've been in before. So I'm overly cautious and overthinking absolutely everything. I don't know how to move forward.
Holy moly, you really are a long lost sister.....maybe ping me a PM...I would like to share some more with you....no need to formalise a "friends' status....just a one word hi, and then I can respond with some words that I only wish to share privately. Your choice - no pressure - I'm easy either way - no offense will be caused any/which/way.
Done