Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve read a few bits since being here that have got me thinking today. Although I’m glad I found out I’m asd, and it explains so much of my life, I’m also angry because honestly I’d really rather not be. I’m also starting to think it’s taking over my life… Everything I do now in the back of my head it’ll be ‘thats the autism’. So part of that is well it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad about not fitting in anymore or the meltdowns, but now I can’t get it out of my head. It’s almost like I’ve become stuck. Constantly reading about it, assessing things I do, knowing that if I don’t want to do something I don’t actually have to because of it. That in itself is becoming another addition that’s contributing to the burnout, which is ridiculous.
Anyone else feel like this?
I "toe dip" in and out of this forum. I need to read and re-read threads at length to digest all that is written. Basically, I do not feel worthy enough to engage with this forum in comparison to the life experiences of you lot despite knowing in my heart it is silly of me while supported with a contradictory feeling of comradery. Since childhood I've led a life full of very transient friendships and tried to compensate via a focused work ethic while recognising my general incapability to engage with people. I have been called "antisocial". I've tried many times to join social groups and have always experienced rejection. I must give off the wrong "vibes" in anticipation of this repeated scenario with the result of having developed an emotionally numb unresponsiveness. I'm not having a moan as I have accepted this as my social status quo having thus far reached this late stage of my life. In answer to the initial question ---YES.
NAS86592 said:Since childhood I've led a life full of very transient friendships and tried to compensate via a focused work ethic while recognising my general incapability to engage with people.
I try to compensate for virtually all my shortcomings via my work abilities. My work is how and why I meet people....all kinds of people. My work is not separate to me, it embodies me. I'm ok with that....I actually feel pretty blessed that I don't consider my work - work.....it's just me, being me and occasionally getting paid for it.
btw - you definitely are having a bit of a moan above!.....but that is so ok here, you are known and accepted here, you are one of us whether you like it or not. I value your contributions to this place.
No thanks required.
I call 'um as I see 'um.
.....and please don't stop sharing your interest in UFO matters - yes, there are nay sayers about for sure, but they are calm and not shouty - just certain. That's not the worst. I have an insatiably curious mind, so I am endlessly fascinated by the topic - and frankly, struggle to understand why EVERYONE isn't like "pretty damn engaged" with the topic these days. See ya round.
deep felt thanks