Young adults with no friends

Hello Jasmine, I just joined this forum and have ADHD/Autism. Thank you for sharing about yourself, very strong of you to be working with your diagnosis. I just has to say this straight out, once in a time I loved baking and eating all kinds of cakes atleast 3 times/week. I got overweighted and then realised that all this unhealthy food I´ve been eating really just reflected how I was feeling. Today I eat very healthy and I feel my anxiety have been reduced by my new way of eating. 

Also, I am very isolated in real life except from my family, so I want to say hello to you and hopefully read some more posts from you. My name is Edgar, 26 year old male living in Sweden. I am interested in business and subtopics of it. 

I hope you can come over your past traumas from bullying Jasmine, btw when I got a daughter I wanted her name to bee Yasmine. Unfortunatly I haven´t met her almost for my entire life. That´s another story. 

Thank you and nice community.

Hello Jasmine and welcome to the forum!

I have been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD.

I originally joined to see if there were like-minded people who could understand my feelings and experiences. I was pleasantly surprised to read similar experiences of other members.

I too am still single, but don't worry. You'll find that special someone eventually.

I'm pushing 78 this May and have been friendless since childhood.  I'm ok with superficial acquaintances where I can mask but lengthy friendships?---never!  Once people try to get to know me I tire with my masks and they get put off. I've managed to survive in the commercial world by holding down jobs that required solitary skills, and avoided team player requirements. I made my work my focal point.  I don't understand hidden meaning, it just goes unregistered above my head. Mine is, and always has been a direct approach. I say exactly what I mean. This kind of profile worked well for me at work where I could focus on tasks at hand but did not serve me at all socially.  My first wife found me boring.  My current wife of 42 years has issues of her own (misery loves company? :-) but we both understand each other so I'm not totally alone in this NT world but still friendless, apart from possible "engagements" in this wonderful community.  All this FaceBook, Twitter etc. "like" nonsense are not "friends"--- they ARE engagements so, a personal adjustment for social acceptance needs to be made with a development for a hard core against further social in-toleration---it's survival!

I'm 43, and never had a proper relationship. Too immature, when I was younger, and not social enough.

Now, I'm a lone wolf at home. I like it this way. No one bothering me, and I don't bother anyone else. 

I’m in Australia, things have improved a lot in regards to my epilepsy. I had a seizure where I broke my kneecap, I needed an operation straight away, so I could walk, however they also added extra medication to what I take and it has helped me very well bc since that one I haven’t had a seizure. I still avoid certain things out of habit and to be on the safe side. With my autism, well, I’ve stopped trying trying to fit in, most people ignore me at work, I’m also bullied sometimes, so I try to avoid discussion with these people, it’s how I avoid being bullied,  all my friends are online.

Thank-you, I hope you had a lovely day too!

I’m exhausted 24/7 by trying to fit in, I was hoping as I’ve been working at the same place for 18 months now I would feel more comfortable but I don’t. It must be super hard having both autism and epilepsy. I would find the unpredictability of epilepsy very hard to cope with. I’m glad it is under control now. It must be very frustrating not being able to do certain jobs, I find I can only do shorter shifts because I have IBS. So although my medical issues are far less serious I understand how difficult it is. I’m assuming as you have been billed for ambulances that you do not live in the uk. Do you mind me asking what country you are in?

It seems to be a common story that parents are left with no choice but to take their autistic children’s education in their own hands for their safety. It’s so sad and frustrating to hear.

I see where your son is coming from, I don’t tell the people I work with that I’m autistic for the same reason. But I think society is improving and becoming more accepting

. I know that you have said that your son wouldn’t talk on the forum but are there any other ways he would be able to connect with others? Through gaming? Email? Text? Letter? If he is ever lonely and wants to have a conversation with me through any of the above then just let me know and I can message you some contact info. x

Sorry for not responding sooner, Thank-you for your lovely words, it means a lot. That’s fantastic that you are going to try working next year. I had to take a brake from working a few years back due to anxiety. So it’s a big leap to make.

it seems so many autistic people are bullied at school, everyone always thinks it strange that it still has such an effect on my mental health all these years later but the hurt never really leaves. So in some weird way it’s nice knowing that I’m not the only one still struggling the consequences of bullying.

I love your profile picture, Lilo and stitch is probably my favourite Disney  film, I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii. Is it your favourite movie too?

That’s good, I enjoyed my Christmas dinner thanks. I hope you enjoyed yours. At least you didn’t have to make anything this year. 

My son had  homeschooling from me as the other kids and staff bty were literally just taking his money and he let them bless him..the other kids were bullying to the point he was being booted in the spine on the floor I took him outta there faster than u can imagine. Sadly he won't come on these forums and I suspect he's lonely he doesn't ever go out etc..he diagnosed at 18 and so had preconceived ideas of autism and has said to me I'm not a retard etc and now misses out on any help. Yes those films  like rain man sure have a lot to answer for as these are the stero types he knows you see.

 Merry Christmas! I hope you’re having a great day. I hope your Christmas dinner was nice, lucky I didn’t have to help this year with the Christmas dinner. I watched tv instead! Don’t know how I got away with that!

What did you get for Christmas?? 

I have to work tomorrow but the store will be closed, which I find more stressful because I don’t wear the uniform but then I’m worried someone will judge me for what I’m wearing…. It annoys me that it bothers me what others think, but ever since these two idiots started talking about me behind my back, my confidence has hit the floor. It’s really weird that I thought I would hate working in a supermarket with unpredictable customers but it’s actually when the store closes at 9, that I struggle. The night staff are a difficult bunch to work with. (To put it politely) but hey the money is good and we got £60 off our Christmas shop this year with my discount card! So I try to put up with it.

Merry Christmas!! I missed it in my last message…. I hope you enjoy your day 

Thank you for your reply Jasmine, your viewpoints help me feel better, that it’s not just me being weird. 

I agree with the fact that I would rather be weird then normal idea. I don’t worry what other people think, I think it’s why I have few friends. At work is where I have to fit in the most and act like the others or they might get rid of me, I usually need a sleep after work, I’m exhausted. 

Another part that makes my life interesting and prevents me from branching out too much is the fact that I have epilepsy as well. About a year ago I had my medication looked at and changed, I haven’t had a seizure since they did that. Before then I used to have seizures all the time, maybe 1 per month when it was bad, other times it was 1 in 2 months, but I couldn’t be sure how many would happen. I had no warnings, I just always woke up in hospital, they kept me there for observation. I had to get ambulance cover insurance bc I was always getting billed for the ambulance bringing me to hospital. With branching out, I have a few restrictions like.. not having a license, so lots of jobs I can’t do bc it says I must drive. Jobs that require me to work alone I can’t do, bc I can’t guarantee my safety. I’ve been knocked back from lots of jobs bc I’m viewed as a liability. I try to find jobs in small groups, I really don’t mind working by myself, but having epilepsy means it’s not a good idea, just to be on the safe side.

Hi jasmine, lovely to meet you :) 

I'm 27, also still single but I'm hoping to maybe try dating in the next few years. See how my anxiety is I guess.

I'm hoping to start working next year too.

I'm so sorry you were bullied at school - I was as well, it defos does have a negative impact and that can lead to PTSD, depression and lots of other sad things.

Look forward, you've got lots to look forward to :) 

Xxx

Thanks, there’s plenty more fish in the sea. Luckily my family don’t really put pressure on me to find a partner which is good. That’s a long shift, at least it’s usually quieter in the supermarkets at those late hours. I’m not cooking a Christmas dinner tomorrow but my uncle is, so hopefully it’s nice. Are you going to make Christmas dinner? That’s nice that you can bake cakes, there’s a lot of precise measurements involved in making cakes. 

I’m the queen of awkward silences especially around people I don’t know. I am one of those people who really enjoyed wearing face coverings during covid. I just felt better when I was hidden and when there are these awkward silences I tend to find myself laughing. Which is easier to hide with a mask. So many people kept questioning why I was wearing one that I caved and stopped wearing one. Worse choice ever and my anxiety is way worse for it. 

My brothers also use gaming as a distraction to stressful times. I use music in a similar way.

I’ve never been diagnosed with autism or anxiety for the same reason as yourself. I spend my entire life masking and trying to fit in and its exhausting. I was never seen as normal, but now I realise I’d much rather be weird than normal!! My younger brothers with autism attend an additional needs only trampoline club. It’s my favourite time of the week, as I can be myself and no one cares because everyone else is doing the same.

thanks for your response I really appreciate it!

Thanks for you reply, I appreciate your sweet response.Playing the piano is a gods send when I am anxious, I really wish I could convince the supermarket I work in to let me have a keyboard in the staff room! I will look into the techniques, thanks for suggesting them. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

I’m sorry your date wasn’t successful, but when it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be. I’m trying not to worry about it, but this time of year family members love to keep pointing out the fact that I’m single and it just gets annoying. Some look disappointed, some look confused and then there’s my grandparents who were expecting me to be married with children by now! It all just gets too much especially when you are trying not to worry about it.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I have a favourite football team, I enjoyed watching the World Cup and the women’s England team are awesome. I don’t really get much chance to watch games as I’m usually working. I do evening shifts and finish at midnight. And by that time I just want to eat and sleep!

I love a tuna pasta bake, tbh I just love pasta! Are you cooking a Christmas dinner tomorrow??

Yes I do bake cakes, biscuits, cookies. All the super unhealthy stuff! I have little brothers (10,7,3) and they love ‘helping’. I tried making a Yule log with them the other week, it looked alright but didn’t taste the best…  but normally when I bake it’s more successful. I’m going to attempt to make some cookies with my brothers tonight (to leave out for santa.) The problem is they eat all the mixture before I get chance to bake it! And the mess…is crazy!

I’ve got no problem with you messaging me! I’m sorry that you have been let down by your pen friend, it’s very disappointing when people let us down. Maybe something has happened in their life that is preventing them from communicating with you. I glad you were able to enjoy a Christmas meal, I love chocolate so I’m a bit jealous. I hope you have a lovely Christmas tomorrow.