Young adults with no friends

Hello Jasmine and welcome to the forum!

I have been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD.

I originally joined to see if there were like-minded people who could understand my feelings and experiences. I was pleasantly surprised to read similar experiences of other members.

I too am still single, but don't worry. You'll find that special someone eventually.

I'm pushing 78 this May and have been friendless since childhood.  I'm ok with superficial acquaintances where I can mask but lengthy friendships?---never!  Once people try to get to know me I tire with my masks and they get put off. I've managed to survive in the commercial world by holding down jobs that required solitary skills, and avoided team player requirements. I made my work my focal point.  I don't understand hidden meaning, it just goes unregistered above my head. Mine is, and always has been a direct approach. I say exactly what I mean. This kind of profile worked well for me at work where I could focus on tasks at hand but did not serve me at all socially.  My first wife found me boring.  My current wife of 42 years has issues of her own (misery loves company? :-) but we both understand each other so I'm not totally alone in this NT world but still friendless, apart from possible "engagements" in this wonderful community.  All this FaceBook, Twitter etc. "like" nonsense are not "friends"--- they ARE engagements so, a personal adjustment for social acceptance needs to be made with a development for a hard core against further social in-toleration---it's survival!

I'm 43, and never had a proper relationship. Too immature, when I was younger, and not social enough.

Now, I'm a lone wolf at home. I like it this way. No one bothering me, and I don't bother anyone else. 

I’m in Australia, things have improved a lot in regards to my epilepsy. I had a seizure where I broke my kneecap, I needed an operation straight away, so I could walk, however they also added extra medication to what I take and it has helped me very well bc since that one I haven’t had a seizure. I still avoid certain things out of habit and to be on the safe side. With my autism, well, I’ve stopped trying trying to fit in, most people ignore me at work, I’m also bullied sometimes, so I try to avoid discussion with these people, it’s how I avoid being bullied,  all my friends are online.

Thank-you, I hope you had a lovely day too!

I’m exhausted 24/7 by trying to fit in, I was hoping as I’ve been working at the same place for 18 months now I would feel more comfortable but I don’t. It must be super hard having both autism and epilepsy. I would find the unpredictability of epilepsy very hard to cope with. I’m glad it is under control now. It must be very frustrating not being able to do certain jobs, I find I can only do shorter shifts because I have IBS. So although my medical issues are far less serious I understand how difficult it is. I’m assuming as you have been billed for ambulances that you do not live in the uk. Do you mind me asking what country you are in?

It seems to be a common story that parents are left with no choice but to take their autistic children’s education in their own hands for their safety. It’s so sad and frustrating to hear.

I see where your son is coming from, I don’t tell the people I work with that I’m autistic for the same reason. But I think society is improving and becoming more accepting

. I know that you have said that your son wouldn’t talk on the forum but are there any other ways he would be able to connect with others? Through gaming? Email? Text? Letter? If he is ever lonely and wants to have a conversation with me through any of the above then just let me know and I can message you some contact info. x

Sorry for not responding sooner, Thank-you for your lovely words, it means a lot. That’s fantastic that you are going to try working next year. I had to take a brake from working a few years back due to anxiety. So it’s a big leap to make.

it seems so many autistic people are bullied at school, everyone always thinks it strange that it still has such an effect on my mental health all these years later but the hurt never really leaves. So in some weird way it’s nice knowing that I’m not the only one still struggling the consequences of bullying.

I love your profile picture, Lilo and stitch is probably my favourite Disney  film, I’ve always wanted to visit Hawaii. Is it your favourite movie too?

My son had  homeschooling from me as the other kids and staff bty were literally just taking his money and he let them bless him..the other kids were bullying to the point he was being booted in the spine on the floor I took him outta there faster than u can imagine. Sadly he won't come on these forums and I suspect he's lonely he doesn't ever go out etc..he diagnosed at 18 and so had preconceived ideas of autism and has said to me I'm not a retard etc and now misses out on any help. Yes those films  like rain man sure have a lot to answer for as these are the stero types he knows you see.

Merry Christmas!! I missed it in my last message…. I hope you enjoy your day 

Thank you for your reply Jasmine, your viewpoints help me feel better, that it’s not just me being weird. 

I agree with the fact that I would rather be weird then normal idea. I don’t worry what other people think, I think it’s why I have few friends. At work is where I have to fit in the most and act like the others or they might get rid of me, I usually need a sleep after work, I’m exhausted. 

Another part that makes my life interesting and prevents me from branching out too much is the fact that I have epilepsy as well. About a year ago I had my medication looked at and changed, I haven’t had a seizure since they did that. Before then I used to have seizures all the time, maybe 1 per month when it was bad, other times it was 1 in 2 months, but I couldn’t be sure how many would happen. I had no warnings, I just always woke up in hospital, they kept me there for observation. I had to get ambulance cover insurance bc I was always getting billed for the ambulance bringing me to hospital. With branching out, I have a few restrictions like.. not having a license, so lots of jobs I can’t do bc it says I must drive. Jobs that require me to work alone I can’t do, bc I can’t guarantee my safety. I’ve been knocked back from lots of jobs bc I’m viewed as a liability. I try to find jobs in small groups, I really don’t mind working by myself, but having epilepsy means it’s not a good idea, just to be on the safe side.

Hi jasmine, lovely to meet you :) 

I'm 27, also still single but I'm hoping to maybe try dating in the next few years. See how my anxiety is I guess.

I'm hoping to start working next year too.

I'm so sorry you were bullied at school - I was as well, it defos does have a negative impact and that can lead to PTSD, depression and lots of other sad things.

Look forward, you've got lots to look forward to :) 

Xxx

I’m the queen of awkward silences especially around people I don’t know. I am one of those people who really enjoyed wearing face coverings during covid. I just felt better when I was hidden and when there are these awkward silences I tend to find myself laughing. Which is easier to hide with a mask. So many people kept questioning why I was wearing one that I caved and stopped wearing one. Worse choice ever and my anxiety is way worse for it. 

My brothers also use gaming as a distraction to stressful times. I use music in a similar way.

I’ve never been diagnosed with autism or anxiety for the same reason as yourself. I spend my entire life masking and trying to fit in and its exhausting. I was never seen as normal, but now I realise I’d much rather be weird than normal!! My younger brothers with autism attend an additional needs only trampoline club. It’s my favourite time of the week, as I can be myself and no one cares because everyone else is doing the same.

thanks for your response I really appreciate it!

Thanks for you reply, I appreciate your sweet response.Playing the piano is a gods send when I am anxious, I really wish I could convince the supermarket I work in to let me have a keyboard in the staff room! I will look into the techniques, thanks for suggesting them. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Hi Jasmine, my name is Jamie, in the last 2 years I was diagnosed with Aspergers. I have very few friends and don’t understand most people. I’m 37 and have struggled with relationships my whole life, I prefer to chat online to get started, finding people to connect with is a hard task. I struggle to think of things to talk about and I usually have an awkward silence….

I like gaming bc it helps me calm down and think of my day, analyse things. I like puzzles, sci fi movies.. I guess the more I know someone, the more they can know and be a real friend.

During my school days, I blended in, I thought it was normal to be the way I was bc I wasn’t diagnosed that time. I’ve just put up with the way I am, the only way I know how. 

I hope you can make some friends in here, I wish you all the best Jasmine

Hi Jasmine, you sound like a delightful human being with many strengths and amazing skills. I also play piano and find it a great comfort. I wish you all the good things you deserve. I found NLP a great help, particularly “rapport and mirroring” techniques. Best wishes. 

Hi I'm Ruby and I'm 27. I just wanted to say you aren't alone. I was recently diagnosed with autism and it's hard. I didn't have any friends really until I was 25. I found friends within my special interests and with my partner and it's gone from there. Actually a lot of my friends are Autistic. I was bullied a lot at school and have PTSD due to that. I love you are teaching yourself to play the ukulele, I love how they sound! It's hard to find your people but don't give up. I'm always happy to be friends. 

I restore and collect vintage phones. I have a G scale railway with my partner and a OO/HO railway as well. I love painting, drawing, coding. I love cats! I love squishmellows as well as most soft toys. I have lots of tattoos which are calming to look at! I've only watched on harry potter film, but I have played several harry potter games! I love baking, I usually bake after eight and chocolate orange cupcakes. I made a Jaffa cake cake once, it was so hard! 

I wish you the best of luck on your online course!