Autistic “influencers”

You were blessed Luftmensch

I’m reasonably good at speaking to people and getting along with them, I just cannot convert that into real friendship never mind a romantic relationship. 

And you’re right about it eating away at you.

Thank you 

I would agree but it seems my lived experience is not like any influencer I’ve seen.

It makes my blood boil when I hear people talking about loneliness then mentioning their husband or wife and children. They have no idea.

How do you even meet them?

I don't think there's a "representative" autistic person or people. Autism presents in wildly different ways in different individuals. I think influencers in particular are a self-selected group with survivorship bias: the people who are willing/able to talk about their autism and offer life tips are mostly those who are doing well. I've noticed on this site that some people who post here have jobs, some have relationships and families, some have friends, but few have all three. I think most of us suffer some kind of "social disability" in that way.

I am married, but I think I got lucky, or was blessed. It came about by chance, and suffered many setbacks before we got married. My previous attempts at relationships were mostly failures. I didn't go on a date until I was 27. I got married two months short of my 40th birthday, when I thought I would be single forever.

4 - we marry people who are also autistic/neurodivergent (my case).

It certainly is not easy to do what I did. I think that autistics have a heightened fear of rejection and that rejection has a greater negative impact on us. I was largely fuelled by a sort of desperation, after years of frustration. I knew I was reasonably physically attractive, kind, honest, loyal and possessed of a well-developed, if slightly unconventional, sense of humour - I can even produce the odd flash of wit - but was getting nowhere.

Yes lots of autistic people make a business out of making content about autistic experience and online advocacy.

Isn’t it a good thing if our fellow neurokin are actually delivering autistic lived experience advice as opposed to harmful ‘Autism’ experts? I certainly think it is and it is something I would like to do in the future.

We are experts on our autistic experiences, we should be celebrating our fellow autistic content creators and advocates!

You are not. 

I’m female, autistic, terribly struggle with this. It’s a lonely place to be. 

I struggle with the short videos that boil down a complex disorder to ‘5 signs you are autistic’ and it’s all different types of stimming.

Particularly when going through the identity crisis of a late diagnosis. Often have to remind myself of the realities of other people’s struggles and no hold judgement. Which can be hard at times. 

Your 10p is worth a tenna mate.....well, to me, anyway.

No iam the same, but I have some friends they feel like they're long distance because they don't message unless I message them, but they're good friends even though that is a problem. I am crap at love relationships,  and am unable to speak to a person/woman I like over time becomes people building up heartache and it eats away at you for not trying.

For me having a partner would be like winning the biggest lottery ever. Affection, love and human connection seem to be regarded as basic human needs and rights, but for some reason I was excluded birth. Handed a ticket that says “but not for you”

Yes, I am very suspicious of a lot of these people. They’re constantly doing speaking engagements and pushing their books. It’s a business.

Amerantin (former member) said:

Judging by the responses I really am the sad lonely exception.

There are plenty of others expressing the same concern on the discussio boards, but these are typically not peope with the confidence to have their own channel either

Bugger. Judging by the responses I really am the sad lonely exception.

Roy said:

I did message one of the well known ones, thanked her and just asked how she first realised she was autistic, I got a message back stating that she doesn’t do unpaid consultancy work, a link came up with her latest merchandise, the penny then dropped. 

Who did you message?

I did the same when I realised I’m autistic, I watched a lot of YouTube videos and felt really connected. To be honest I did learn a lot about how differently autism can present. 
I did message one of the well known ones, thanked her and just asked how she first realised she was autistic, I got a message back stating that she doesn’t do unpaid consultancy work, a link came up with her latest merchandise, the penny then dropped. 
I’m autistic and married, my wife was my only girlfriend, starting to realise, she stims and masks as much as me. We often have the same thoughts at the same time. It’s not always easy, we both often need time to be alone.

I tried to make a go of the "autistic content creator" thing a while back. I'd spent 2 years doing lengthy Twitter threads about my autistic experiences. I think what I didn't realise was the pressure that I'd be under while trying to be an 'advocate'.

People turn to you for support in a way, and I began to put myself on a pedestal that I needed to be this person for so many people. If you're prepared for that, that's fine, but I wasn't. I have no experience of working with other people which didn't help either.

I was constantly comparing myself to the other creators who were perhaps doing infographics, videos and getting high profile writing gigs. I'm not being self-deprecating about what I did do (as it was one of the few things I've done that my parents were interested in) but I think I realised that it wasn't something I enjoyed. I was out of my depth and I think it turned out to be a dangerous game putting that much of myself out on the internet.