Autistic “influencers”

I don't think there's a "representative" autistic person or people. Autism presents in wildly different ways in different individuals. I think influencers in particular are a self-selected group with survivorship bias: the people who are willing/able to talk about their autism and offer life tips are mostly those who are doing well. I've noticed on this site that some people who post here have jobs, some have relationships and families, some have friends, but few have all three. I think most of us suffer some kind of "social disability" in that way.

I am married, but I think I got lucky, or was blessed. It came about by chance, and suffered many setbacks before we got married. My previous attempts at relationships were mostly failures. I didn't go on a date until I was 27. I got married two months short of my 40th birthday, when I thought I would be single forever.

4 - we marry people who are also autistic/neurodivergent (my case).

It certainly is not easy to do what I did. I think that autistics have a heightened fear of rejection and that rejection has a greater negative impact on us. I was largely fuelled by a sort of desperation, after years of frustration. I knew I was reasonably physically attractive, kind, honest, loyal and possessed of a well-developed, if slightly unconventional, sense of humour - I can even produce the odd flash of wit - but was getting nowhere.

Yes lots of autistic people make a business out of making content about autistic experience and online advocacy.

Isn’t it a good thing if our fellow neurokin are actually delivering autistic lived experience advice as opposed to harmful ‘Autism’ experts? I certainly think it is and it is something I would like to do in the future.

We are experts on our autistic experiences, we should be celebrating our fellow autistic content creators and advocates!

You are not. 

I’m female, autistic, terribly struggle with this. It’s a lonely place to be. 

I struggle with the short videos that boil down a complex disorder to ‘5 signs you are autistic’ and it’s all different types of stimming.

Particularly when going through the identity crisis of a late diagnosis. Often have to remind myself of the realities of other people’s struggles and no hold judgement. Which can be hard at times. 

Your 10p is worth a tenna mate.....well, to me, anyway.

No iam the same, but I have some friends they feel like they're long distance because they don't message unless I message them, but they're good friends even though that is a problem. I am crap at love relationships,  and am unable to speak to a person/woman I like over time becomes people building up heartache and it eats away at you for not trying.

For me having a partner would be like winning the biggest lottery ever. Affection, love and human connection seem to be regarded as basic human needs and rights, but for some reason I was excluded birth. Handed a ticket that says “but not for you”

Yes, I am very suspicious of a lot of these people. They’re constantly doing speaking engagements and pushing their books. It’s a business.

A said:

Judging by the responses I really am the sad lonely exception.

There are plenty of others expressing the same concern on the discussio boards, but these are typically not peope with the confidence to have their own channel either

Bugger. Judging by the responses I really am the sad lonely exception.

Roy said:

I did message one of the well known ones, thanked her and just asked how she first realised she was autistic, I got a message back stating that she doesn’t do unpaid consultancy work, a link came up with her latest merchandise, the penny then dropped. 

Who did you message?

I did the same when I realised I’m autistic, I watched a lot of YouTube videos and felt really connected. To be honest I did learn a lot about how differently autism can present. 
I did message one of the well known ones, thanked her and just asked how she first realised she was autistic, I got a message back stating that she doesn’t do unpaid consultancy work, a link came up with her latest merchandise, the penny then dropped. 
I’m autistic and married, my wife was my only girlfriend, starting to realise, she stims and masks as much as me. We often have the same thoughts at the same time. It’s not always easy, we both often need time to be alone.

I tried to make a go of the "autistic content creator" thing a while back. I'd spent 2 years doing lengthy Twitter threads about my autistic experiences. I think what I didn't realise was the pressure that I'd be under while trying to be an 'advocate'.

People turn to you for support in a way, and I began to put myself on a pedestal that I needed to be this person for so many people. If you're prepared for that, that's fine, but I wasn't. I have no experience of working with other people which didn't help either.

I was constantly comparing myself to the other creators who were perhaps doing infographics, videos and getting high profile writing gigs. I'm not being self-deprecating about what I did do (as it was one of the few things I've done that my parents were interested in) but I think I realised that it wasn't something I enjoyed. I was out of my depth and I think it turned out to be a dangerous game putting that much of myself out on the internet.

I think that autistic women find that starting a relationship, at least, is easier for them than it is for autistic men, because it is socially expected that men will take a more active role in initiating 'romance'. This does not mean that female autists do not have problems, for example they are more prone to become involved in abusive relationships than their neurotypical peers. I'm autistic and have been married for 27 years and have two talented, neurodivergent, children. I found it impossible to form romantic connections for many years. I was undiagnosed but recognised, eventually, that I had a number of problems. I had difficulty in recognising when a woman found me attractive, though I sometimes recognised it when it was far too late. I was also - probably because I could not recognise non-verbal signalling - very inhibited from making my interest in anyone obvious, for fear of rejection. I think that I also appeared emotionally unavailable. I eventually solved this by researching non-verbal communication, so I had at least an intellectual grasp of it, and, by an effort of will, making myself socially brave, so that I took risks in approaching women I found attractive and possibly being rejected. I was so successful, that at the beginning of my relationship with my future wife, she said that I was amazingly emotionally open.

It is a wide wide spectrum we all participate in our own respective way

Yes. I've listened to a few of these and she's one of the small number of people who I'd say has been interesting and helpful to listen to.

I watched a few of these YouTube accounts. I don't really get on with the term "influencer", however out of the people on YouTube I have seen, I haven't seen many who I've found particularly helpful and a few who I'm somewhat sceptical of. It's difficult for me, knowing that these are monetised accounts, some of whom I imagine are making a decent living from it, and not having the message tainted by this. I don't know why. Saying that, I can't really relate to a lot of them either. It's worth remembering that anyone can create a YouTube account and start making videos so any advice should all be taken with a sceptical eye / pinch of salt. There's no such thing as one size fits all.

"So are these high profile authors and videographers representative of autistic people", I really doubt it. To have the time and confidence to do this you're looking at a specific part of the spectrum and specific abilities. That narrows it down to a very narrow field. What worries me with some of these accounts (and I'm deliberately leaving out names) is how they've evolved from straight up autism awareness videos to incorporating a lot of identity politics. Personally I find that difficult to deal with too for my own reasons.

As for people in relationships. I'm in a long term relationship myself and against all odds have two children. How this has happened is a mystery to me given I too have struggled with forming relationships and have only ever been with this one person, nobody else, ever. A lot of this has come about through me being in "emulation mode" which is a term I'd used with people before knowing about being autistic and thus hearing about "masking" / "camouflaging". Having become particularly burned-out from the lockdown up to now, the relationship is in the process of ending and I'm faced with the prospect of all the change that comes with that too. I've not seen much in the way of people discussing this kind of thing in YouTube videos and how they've dealt with them. I can imagine the next few years is going to be particularly overwhelming.

For what it's worth, I've found more relevant and interesting things in written format, blog posts and obviously some of the written experiences of people using sites like this especially as you can see conversational input from other people asking particular questions in near real time rather than a single monologue to the camera.

Just my ten pence worth - as usual :)

Just downloaded some AutisticAt40 podcasts and she mentions her husband in the first one I listened to.

Seems like a good podcast though.