Autistic “influencers”

Amerantin (former member) said:

So are these high profile authors and videographers representative of autistic people or am I the sad exception?

i think what happens is the autists who are married and/or have kids are probably in the following categories:

1 - their presentation of autism is not affecting their abilities to communicate with others at a relationship level and this also helps them with presenting well on video (ie a degree of charisma).

2 - their partners have helped them adapt and possibly mask well enough to be able to present on video

3 - Their autistic traits are in very different areas to yours and this enables them to communicate well on video while having a relationship but possibly suffering terribly in other areas.

It seems to be the nature of a spectrum condition that the third point is the most likely,

Amerantin (former member) said:

So are these high profile authors and videographers representative of autistic people or am I the sad exception?

i think what happens is the autists who are married and/or have kids are probably in the following categories:

1 - their presentation of autism is not affecting their abilities to communicate with others at a relationship level and this also helps them with presenting well on video (ie a degree of charisma).

2 - their partners have helped them adapt and possibly mask well enough to be able to present on video

3 - Their autistic traits are in very different areas to yours and this enables them to communicate well on video while having a relationship but possibly suffering terribly in other areas.

It seems to be the nature of a spectrum condition that the third point is the most likely,

Agreed, there is a selection bias here. People who struggle greatly with communication are unlikely to be making videos on the internet. Those who (despite their autism) are charismatic, sociable and very good at masking are both more likely to be making videos and more likely to be in a relationship.

I have also noticed that most of the autistic influencers seem to be women, (although there are some male ones), They are also usually pretty women (which will lead to more views, and also means they are more likely to have a relationship).

I have noticed in general, for example on this forum, and the wider internet, that autistic women are much more likely to be in a relationship and have past relationships than autistic men.

I'm not exactly sure why this is, but it's probably a combination of greater masking or social ability and the fact it is greatly easier to find a partner as a woman than as a man, due to dating dynamics and the imbalance of demand.

As a woman, you are the one who is approached, and generally choose from a number of men which one to accept. Whereas it's expected for the man to make the approach, to lead in the relationship, to be entertaining, charming etc. and you have to pursue multiple women until you find one who doesn't reject you (which might never happen).

If a woman is not very good at talking, it often won't matter because the man is interested and will put all the effort in, or not even care how good she is socially. Whereas a man being bad socially is a big turn off or red flag for many women (seen as creepy etc).

For a man, dating can be a challenge even if you aren't autistic, but when you have autism and cannot read signals or subtext or body language or know how to make small talk or make conversation, it can be hopeless, which is why so many autistic men just don't ever have a relationship.

I fit all 3:

Iain said:

1 - their presentation of autism is not affecting their abilities to communicate with others at a relationship level and this also helps them with presenting well on video (ie a degree of charisma).

2 - their partners have helped them adapt and possibly mask well enough to be able to present on video

3 - Their autistic traits are in very different areas to yours and this enables them to communicate well on video while having a relationship but possibly suffering terribly in other areas.

I am married and have a kid, my trade off for having more "gift of the gab" and more tone/facial/bodylangueage reading and being able to communcate well one to one all the time I'm not in a burnout, shutdown, meltdown or gone nonverbal seems to have been in the sensory department and executive function, my eyes don't like light at all (all screens are on dark mode, and I'd be nocturnal if I could), I hear every sound in the surrounding area, feel like physically collapsing into a ball at the sound of a hoover or car breaks squealing, I can't hear a single individual person in a crowd, and I have to wear eardefenders if anyone has sports on the TV because I hate the sound of the crowds in the stands. I physically cannot do a 5 day week because of how quickly I fatigue, and I have no routine if things I have to do aren't put on a calendar because aside from washing my hands and making a cup of tea when thirsty I have no autopilot.

Having the ability to communicate has been the absolute key to coordinating with the otherhalf ways to "help me to help you" to build up my functioning over time.

But I still couldn't be on camera, it's like a big strangers eye that I have to look into and I cannot look into the eyes of strangers longer than a few seconds for at least the first few meetings and that's only people I can build a sense of trust with to make eye contact easier, I could never build that sense of trust and feel safe with a souless camera.

4 - we marry people who are also autistic/neurodivergent (my case).