Not liked?

I believe popularity is simply a passing whim with people who enter and exit your life and should not justify all the efforts to gain it. Apart from a narcissistic desire I can't understand why popularity is held in such a high regard. Perhaps this is a rationalisation I have created for myself. I detest pushy influencers and view such people with great suspicion---what is their ulterior motive?  I question altruistic behaviour in the same way. This may be part of my rationalisations. For me as an ex-pat New Yorker justification is needed in my mind before I can accept someone as authentic. To my experience authentic people are a rarity.---such is life, (or perhaps it's just my distortion of it ??).

You are very fortunate to have a support network. That is something I NEVER had until joining this forum. But to be fair about that I was diagnosed very late in life.  Since childhood there had never been any understanding of ASD symptoms. I had strange ticks which was very isolating. Thankfully I outgrew them upon reaching my teen years, however I still continued to be a social misfit to this day despite my efforts. 

Today I thought I'd have yet another attempt at trying to fit in somewhere. I joined a "Short Mat Bowls" event advertised locally as taking place on the 8th of this month. I'm trying to keep an open mind.  Before the pandemic I was a member of a 10 pin bowling league. I was treated differently and as a result have not returned after investing in a bowling ball. My ASD diagnosis was after I quit the team. I will not make the same investment mistake with bowls. Lets see how it pans out.

I've never fit in anywhere. My thoughts are always hyper focused on if people like me, have I said something wrong, are people looking at me weirdly?

It does my anxiety no good whatsoever. I feel like the most unpopular girl in the world. Funny fact I'm writing a series of journals called the journals of the most unpopular girl in the World!

I've never been very popular. It's highly like that I'm the most unpopular person ever in the 459 year history of the public school I went to.

I am the exact same in regards to your post. I start a job like nothing is wrong, everyone is friendly as such then people go back in to their own groups of socialising. In the years that I have worked and I have worked a variety of different jobs in the last 16-18 years. I have found the more that I am exposed to this, the more 'this is what to expect' comes to mind. Do not get me wrong I never go into a work place with that attitude. I always greet people, ask people how they are, but the thing that makes me different to NT people is I can not get into any of this small talk which NT can. I prefer to discuss things that relate to topics that I enjoy like politics, news briefings. One thing I admire about myself is that I have taught and learn to enjoy my own company. Now in regards to work, I have been lucky enough to land a processing only role within the civil service. That did not come easy, I have spent the last 4 years battling with my employer because he/she would not recognise I had health conditions. Eventually after union representation involvement I was eventually listened to.

But going back to your post, I feel the exact same, so you are not alone. The main thing that I need is a good support network around me which I have.. Obviously at arms length but that is just me. It did take a long time to find the job to suit myself, but I knew from the first day 'ok, I might not be liked but this is my forever job' .. I hope this helps you moving forward.

I'm sorry. Very frustrating,I get so frustrated, see the problem but can't get past it.

Thank you. Yes I'm like that too - running all the time but never moving.

Mark, The best advice I can offer is to simply BE YOURSELF.  I've lived a lifetime trying to run away from myself and guess what---I disappeared up my own ar-e before discovering that small gem of thought. You can become a prolific reader of ASD possibly giving you a better understanding of our condition but at the end of the day if your not at ease with yourself acceptance of who you are I believe all that research effort is a bit futile. To this day I still need to remind myself to stop ruminating over my past. I think I will pose the question in a new thread " Can any ND truly claim to have found peace of mind?

I know nobody likes me. Even the one place I felt I belonged, eventually people made up false accusations about me and got me kicked out, after over 6 and a half years there.

I don't know what to do about it though! I've got no idea what's wrong with my social skills.

welcome aboard !  I've spent most of my life trying to run away from myself---gets you nowhere

I don't feel people are plotting against me, I just don't feel very liked or wanted. And I end up feeling like I don't fit in.

Your question is welcomed here despite not having an official diagnosis

For me I am certain of not suffering with paranoia or delusional imaginings when I state I have a history of being snubbed, excluded, being treated as a pariah. 

If you have my sort of communication difficulties then you will easily be singled out by NT's as odd always ending up as a misfit. It comes with this ASD profile for some of us.

It's frustrating because they live rent free in my head basically.

I screwed up and I had to step back from that community. I only realise now how helpful it was to me.

I’ve had times in my life, certain jobs for example, where I’ve felt this very much and it might have been true. I’m a very distinctive and passionate person, especially when my special interests are involved, and coupled with my inability to read many social cues and problems understanding people (as in I presume people actually mean what they say) it’s all conspired to genuinely make me un-liked. However my partner has been successfully helping me see that this didn’t apply to everyone in my life, she’s helping me realise that to some people I really am fascinating and a joy to be around. The application of DBT skills is proving to be hugely beneficial here and I now know, as I absolutely didn’t, that I’m not disliked by EVERYONE, I think the countering of black and white thinking is crucial as is the dialectic concept that opposites can co exist, yes some, maybe many people have disliked me, but actually many have and continue to find me interesting and a joy to be around 

People can be cruel like that. They don't think how their words and actions might affect somebody else, how is it that song goes? Words are like weapons they wound sometimes...

True.

I'm sorry you can't access that community now. I've never fit in anywhere it's something I used to dream of finding, a place I can fit in and be myself but I don't see it happening anymore.

At this point I know rather than feeling like I don't fit in and people don't like me. Everywhere I've been and everyone I've met, I either make no connection or I feel like I have only to be hurt later on.

Going through another 50 years like that doesn't make me overflow with joy. 

It's difficult because certainly for me, when someone has disliked me, that alone isn't enough. They feel the need to *show* me they dislike me. That's what bothers me, because I probably wouldn't care if they just left me alone.

I'm the same with not fitting in, the only time I ever found something resembling a community I fit into was online and I don't have access to that anymore sadly. 

The worst part is I realise after having lost all of my friends that they did actually like me. I never truly realised or appreciated it at the time - I wanted to believe them when some would tell me that they loved me etc but I couldn't allow myself to. It went against absolutely everything I've believed (no one likes me, I have no positive qualities etc).

I think I'd have felt happier if I stopped trying so hard and just allowed the real me to come out but I didn't know how.

I have the same, constant thoughts and feelings that people don't like me. It used to worry me but now I'm not so bothered by it. I don't think I've ever truly fit in anywhere, my home, school, nowhere. I've always felt different and felt I am treated differently.

I have felt all my life that people are not interested in me.For along timeI used to try and avoid people who I vaugely knew as Ididn't think anybodywanted to know me.I was completely wrong. ASD makes us completely over think stuff,'normal' people do not genrally think like that. Relax, don't let it stress you out.

I get that feeling. I've always had this desire to be liked by others, to a point I recognise it has become unhealthy.

I end up trying really hard to fit in and that tends to make things worse.