Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sorry if my question does not belong here. I am not officially diagnosed but have suspected autism. Every time I start a new job, I am fine for a few months, then I go into a spiral of thinking I'm not liked or not wanted there... especially if I interact with these people a lot everyday. I can never read peoples intensions with me. Of course it could be related to my psychosis diagnosis, but I don't feel its paranoia. I realise that I could be wrong in my thinking and I know I am overthinking it, but I cannot stop it. I don't feel people are plotting against me, I just don't feel very liked or wanted. And I end up feeling like I don't fit in.
I am the exact same in regards to your post. I start a job like nothing is wrong, everyone is friendly as such then people go back in to their own groups of socialising. In the years that I have worked and I have worked a variety of different jobs in the last 16-18 years. I have found the more that I am exposed to this, the more 'this is what to expect' comes to mind. Do not get me wrong I never go into a work place with that attitude. I always greet people, ask people how they are, but the thing that makes me different to NT people is I can not get into any of this small talk which NT can. I prefer to discuss things that relate to topics that I enjoy like politics, news briefings. One thing I admire about myself is that I have taught and learn to enjoy my own company. Now in regards to work, I have been lucky enough to land a processing only role within the civil service. That did not come easy, I have spent the last 4 years battling with my employer because he/she would not recognise I had health conditions. Eventually after union representation involvement I was eventually listened to.
But going back to your post, I feel the exact same, so you are not alone. The main thing that I need is a good support network around me which I have.. Obviously at arms length but that is just me. It did take a long time to find the job to suit myself, but I knew from the first day 'ok, I might not be liked but this is my forever job' .. I hope this helps you moving forward.
You are very fortunate to have a support network. That is something I NEVER had until joining this forum. But to be fair about that I was diagnosed very late in life. Since childhood there had never been any understanding of ASD symptoms. I had strange ticks which was very isolating. Thankfully I outgrew them upon reaching my teen years, however I still continued to be a social misfit to this day despite my efforts.
Today I thought I'd have yet another attempt at trying to fit in somewhere. I joined a "Short Mat Bowls" event advertised locally as taking place on the 8th of this month. I'm trying to keep an open mind. Before the pandemic I was a member of a 10 pin bowling league. I was treated differently and as a result have not returned after investing in a bowling ball. My ASD diagnosis was after I quit the team. I will not make the same investment mistake with bowls. Lets see how it pans out.