I would have started a poll but I can't see how to do that.
My daughter has just asked why I don't wear any make up,
It's uncomfortable, makes my face itch, makes me look very odd and I can't do it myself and look like anything other than a clown but my husband says it's because I'm autistic, what do you think?
I don't wear makeup, because it's uncomfortable on my face, and I dislike people staring at me, and I dislike strangers approaching me to talk to me.
I also find it weird to have something like liquid skin shades in a bottle to apply onto my face in order to enhance it, as if my regular face would be considered a downgrade of some kind, and makeup as an upgrade. I just find that view kind of sad. I also find this peacocking type of thing that women do as being very weird. I mean just looking at photos of men and women in formal attire, men always look like penguins with the same black and white outfit, and women always look like different tropical birds, and I wonder why we evolved to be like this.
Anyways, make up is also very time consuming, you wake up early to put it on (so you're tired, but you try to hide your tired eyes with makeup, instead of just getting a few extra hours of sleep), and all day you're paranoid about it smearing so you check every reflective surface to make sure it's not smeared to avoid embarrassment (but checking mirrors also makes you look narcissistic, and other people give you cut eyes), and then you have to take time to reapply it throughout the day, and then at night you have to wash it off, and restart the process the next day. And then when it runs out you buy more. It's just a cycle I never wanted to get myself into.
I only wear minimal make up like eyeliner, mascara and a little foundation which tends to be when I'm in the office, church or out and about. For the odd special occasion, I might add a bit of lipstick/lip gloss but that's it.
I wear the same make up whether it's for going yo work or going to a wedding. The only difference might be my lipstick. I wasn't really into make up at the same time as other girls at school. It was more when I got to college. I have worn the same make up since I was 16 but one of them changed this year so I've had to find a new one. Since then I've actually really enjoyed wearing it out of the house as I like how it enhances my face. I dont actually wear much and can apply it all within about two minutes. Overall however, I prefer not wearing it. I hate the rigmarole of taking it off at night.
I don't know how to put eye shadow on well, haven't a clue about contouring (ive only heard of this cos my friend mentioned it about drag queens) and hate foundation.
I do, but self identify at present so maybe not your target audience.
I can say I prefer not wearing it sensory-wise and can’t wait to get it off.
Thank you for the instructions to make a poll, I will try and make one one day.
Greetings. With regards to Polling, CARETWO wrote the following answer in the following Thread, which says:
After clicking 'Reply' (or clicking 'New Thread') to begin a new post, move the pointer to the place where you wish to insert a poll in the text box and then select 'Insert' from the menu below the text box and select 'Insert Poll'.
...This is a Link Directly to that Answer:
community.autism.org.uk/.../66370
(I have yet to do this myself, yet probably cannot...)
However, as my own answer to the Main Question and to Miss Song, I myself am Allergic to most man-made things: Thus, although I certainly/socially do need make-up - because I am not at all "pretty"! - I do not wear it. I believe that the choice has nothing to do with Autism, for lots of NTs would also make the choice not to wear it, or would also have Allergies to it, or would not know how to wear it effectively.
I wouldn’t leave the house without wearing my make up, it gives me confidence, helps me fit in with others, and I feel good about myself, I watch YouTube videoed how to do it, i suppose some would say it’s like hiding behind a mask, but it’s a well known fact women are better than men at hiding our needs so I suppose it’s true to some extent, for me not many people know I have Autism and I like to keep it that way or else I feel I would be treated differently.
Do you ever get home after a social interaction (anything from an appointment to a party or even just a chance encounter / conversation) and beat yourself up when, on reflection (or over-analysis!) you realise you had on the 'wrong' mask or wish you'd used a different one?
I do that. Not ALL of the time but certainly more often than I'd like.
The second half of that last paragraph you mention pretty much sums that up. I guess that's what I mean about searching for an authentic self - there's SO MANY of them!!!
The only situation I have no mask for is the one you mention, grief is such an intense thing that I have no idea how to 'be' around it. It's an uncomfortably intense experience, being unmasked in public.
I can identify with so much of this. Especially your last paragraph - I can't imagine not putting up a 'front' - dropping the masking. In some sense it seems logical to me to behave as I do with other people. I try to be placid and goodnatured and cheerful. For instance, we've had some bereavements in the family recently and I carry on with the same mask. Not only am I unable to drop it but I wonder who would benefit from my being miserable and self-indulgent about it all? So why not carry on as I always do? (I do try to respect other people's grief and make an effort to be appropriate of course). Hope this makes sense. And you're right, this does feel very personal.
Thank you for sharing about the masks, I use them all the time like you apart from when I am with my husband and with my children, except that one of my girls says i am different when I am just with her so maybe I mask a little with my husband as well.
The real me couldn't do an appointment, not even the one for my ASD assessment.
No problem! I think the whole "masking" thing is a massive stress and yes, it too is a big thing in a personal sense. The mask I'd built caused me massive guilt more than anything. I was literally one big mask at one stage. I felt I'd in someway duped my partner, parents, friends and myself. I'd found a way to manipulate people and control my own behaviour (albiet through drugs and alcohol - which caused more guilt!), just to avoid the wreck that ASD was making me. I knew there was a problem but I didn't know it was ASD. I think the whole masking thing can be a massive drain on us. The effort in thinking, planning and pulling it off is a stressful thing to relive. Especially not knowing why we had to do it! We now know why and for me it is a massive relief.
I was diagnosed about close to 2 years ago now. I'm learning how to cope with it slowly. It's just hard now realising which is ASD and feelings everyone has. I think I overthink at times! The sensory side of it was hell for me, especially not knowing why.
My experience was the same as yours growing up. I fitted in at school, not in a particular clique either. I was well liked, I found common interests with a few people from each clique. I was always considered "weird" but to a lot of people that was more interesting (I was a massive smartmouth, people found it funny, I was the class clown). I didn't deliberately act like that, that's just me. So no alarm bells there. My behaviour was terrible though but my grades were high. I ended up having an educational psychologist, but because of probably my social skills (and masking) nothing was diagnosed.
I think that the diagnosis should make you rethink certain things but a lot of people with ASD haven't been forced to learn the social skills were have through being diagnosed late. I think it's just doing what you can handle and when you can handle it. I totally agree with not going through it again! You know who you are but you know how to handle being you better, think of it that way! All of society has to wear a mask at some time, nobody can truly "be themselves" all the time. At least we have a reason that isn't cynical! As for oversharing, to hell with it! That's how we were left in the dark for so long!
Thank you for your reply! After hitting reply on my last post I didn't feel too good about it - I don't know why because I've talked about more conventionally 'personal' things on here I think, including masking in general, but talking about 'my' masking feels ... a little close to the bone for some reason.
I think I'm used to being accused of oversharing by other people's standards about things they consider to be personal but, clearly, I don't particularly. This however, masking, feels VERY personal. I guess because it's an admission of one of my secret 'weirdness-es' (as opposed to all of my well known ones!!!).
I agree that having the diagnosis has helped enormously! I'ts previously been likened to finally being given an instruction manual and SO much is making sense now. I think I'm still at the stage of working out the balance you mention but I've also found myself telling myself off, as in "You KNOW this is Asperger's so just STOP IT!" which makes no sense at all. It's early days though, just three months since receiving my instruction manual, so I think I just need to assimilate everything and take it slowly.
I can't envisage a mask-free life. I feel I'd somehow lose, or give away, too much of 'me' if it weren't for this safety mechanism. I don't want to change who I am, just work out which parts are authentic I think. As you allude to, it's also taken me many vastly different lives to reach this one and I feel it's the most authentic 'me' so far. Or, Hell! Maybe I'm just too damned tired of it all to go through another overhaul to fit in with 'society'. Who knows!
