I would have started a poll but I can't see how to do that.
My daughter has just asked why I don't wear any make up,
It's uncomfortable, makes my face itch, makes me look very odd and I can't do it myself and look like anything other than a clown but my husband says it's because I'm autistic, what do you think?
I replied while you were typing. Damn, reading the stuff you just typed really mirrors a lot I've gone through. Apart from the "goth" bit, lol. I do have a penchant for Shoegaze and Darkwave though!
I know what you mean about functioning without a "mask". Between the age of 12 to about 24 I didn't wear a mask much. I was far less stressed in myself but it lead to a lot of other stress due to stuff that didn't fit with the expectations of society. I hit an age where I had to conform more. I was admittedly out of control, comfortable in my skin but out of control. I could do my job, have relationships e.t.c. but I was always considered "crazy" and "a wildcard". This always ended up in incidents or burnout. I don't want to get into it too much but what was normal for me wasn't normal for most of the people I had to interact with. I tried to "act normal" after a particularly bad run.
When I did start to act more "regular" my stress levels hit the ceiling. My habits became massive concerning drugs and alcohol. I could function with massive amounts of drugs and alcohol. I'd seem sober as a judge, go to work, hit all my targets, go on a date, but it was killing me. I was telling lies to everyone around me to avoid certain situations. I became the "mask" people expected. Things would boil over eventually from time to time. The rage and confusion would boil over. I had violent incidents (never with my girlfriend or family though), breakdowns, then I'd be the model worker, friend, son and boyfriend. The pattern continued until I hit 35. I totally lost my mind.
After 3 years I got my diagnosis. Things started to make sense. All this stuff that I'd feared became no longer a mystery. I've lived with "masks" and without them. Both were equally uncomfortable at times. I think it's getting a balance between the two and admitting the things you can face as and when. I've heard that a lot of ASD stress and mental illness is caused by hypersensibilities, like finding strategies to cope, adjusting our behaviours, being more anxious of others reactions and things of that ilk.
In short I've lived a little but I'm damned if I know when and where to function without my "masks", but at least we know where to start with our diagnosis! The mystery of not knowing why we feel the way we do is gone!
I had 'friends' at all the different points in my life from school and throughout my twenties but not the same ones for all of that time. At Secondary school I flitted between the various groups or cliques fairly comfortably (in that I liked / got on with each as well as any of the others but never felt a particular allegiance to one over the others - I basically just slotted in to whichever was around at the time or how I felt that day).
Some of those groups wore make-up as if a school day was a night out, others more as a part of the Goth image (designs / symbols drawn in eyeliner), some wore make-up in a 'barely there' style, and others none at all. I experimented with various styles of make-up regardless of which group I ended up spending the day with. By the time I was in my mid-to-late-teens it was the heavy make-up that became my normal but my two closest friends from that time didn't wear any even for nights out. (They weren't allowed to.) I do remember feeling much more confident wearing it and it was a huge part of the image I wanted to portray at the time - confident, grown-up, in control etc. as if people couldn't see the real me when I was wearing it.
I'm quite well aware of what the rest of my masks are and although some 'pop-up', as it were, I'm aware (at some point) of the fact that it's happening. I just can't always switch it off except by simply walking away from the situation / conversation. The the only people that I'm ever actually 'me' with are my partner and children.
Often I consciously choose which 'mask' I'm using depending upon the situation (especially if it's a planned interaction) but it is exhausting and I can't sustain it for very long periods or over many repeated interactions. Masking like this is useful, it serves a purpose, but I do now avoid a lot of situations because it has become so much more of an effort as I've gotten older. I just can't be bothered with the effort unless the ends justify the means. I cannot imagine going to an appointment as the same me that I am at home with the family, I have no idea how that script would run or even what on earth I'd wear to such an appointment! It's unfathomable.
Did you have friends from your mind teens? Other girls that wore a lot of makeup? So would you have needed it to fit in, to hide your differences, worn it because it is normal to Do so?
Do you know what the rest of your masks are?
This used to be a big issue for me. From mid-teens I wouldn't be seen without full (caked on) make-up and would go to extraordinary lengths to avoid people seeing me without it - ignoring the door, even if it was a parcel delivery I had been waiting on, poor timekeeping at work (it takes a long time to do the full works) which led to me losing jobs in my teens and early twenties, RIDICULOUS lengths to avoid being seen. It was a very stressful and emotional thing at the time but I find it difficult to remember exactly why now. I would have palpitations and panic attacks at the very possibility of being seen without make-up! Autism wasn't even on my radar back then.
The make-up became less caked-on and more 'natural' looking through my late twenties and throughout my thirties but the stress over being seen without it didn't lessen until my late thirties.
Very gradually, I stopped wearing it at home. Then stopped on the days I was spending out locally with the kids. Then VERY gradually, by the time I hit 40, I was only wearing it for nights out or things like interviews or important appointments. I stopped wearing it completely by the time I was about 43. It wasn't exactly a decision, I just somehow stopped bothering with it without particularly noticing. It's been two years since then and I can't say I'd never wear it again (maybe for a wedding or publicity photo?) but I don't like the claustrophobic feeling it gave me wearing it the last few times and the hassle of removing it all just doesn't seem worth the effort anymore,
Knowing about my autism now, I wonder if wearing make-up was a sort of protection, or mask, which I needed to be able to function socially but that's with hindsight. I'm just relieved not to feel i 'have to' wear it at all anymore. Now I just have to work out how to function without the rest of my 'masks'. (Is that actually possible? I really would like to know!)
As a male I cannot see anything attractive about a woman whose face is caked in makeuo, making them look like some sort of puppet. A bit of lipsrick is ok by I hate the 'Greasy Look ' of plastered on make up.
By the same token I don't like the appearance of anyone who spends time in the sun making their skin look like leather. In later years the cost of this becomes apparent in looking like a prune. The price of vanity!
However if someone likes doing it it is no concern of mine. As I say to others who might not like the way I look or I say when I have my hair cut, it is not me who has to look at it.!
Makes me realise how correct my self-assessment was - I have no idea what those first three things are but without the context I would have guessed it's something for wood or metal treatment. It really is due to my lack of interest :D
I think I just want to be seen as the “true” me.. if people need a painted lady for me to be palatable and can’t see beyond a lipstick choice then that is their choice...
i also touch myself on my face when thinking...so make up tends not to last long anyway...
I don't use any either, mostly due to a complete lack of interest in it, I'd say. It's not that I don't care at all what I look like, but that's more about looking like I'm looking after myself and from my (naive) point of view that doesn't require any makeup. Other people, especially some women, probably disagree, but then there's the other thing that I don't really care so much what other people think of me as long as I meet my own standards. It also feels awful to have makeup on, but I could probably tolerate it and get used to it if I found it necessary. I seem to rub my eyes a lot though and when thinking my hands will be on my cheeks quite often, so don't think anything would last very long anyway.
So yes, I'd say all my reasons come down to things that fit the diagnosis, but I could imagine a lot of other people not using makeup for exactly the same reasons.
I'd say in my opinion (I'm male), I see less ASD women wear it. I don't wear aftershave because I find strong smells uncomfortable, I can wear one aftershave at a push. Another reason is because it feels dishonest, lol. It seems pointless. If I was a woman I probably wouldn't wear it because it would feel intrusive and again pointless. No offence intended to the women that do.
I don't wear makeup for the reasons you describe- it feels horrid and makes me not look like me. Ugh.
Also I have better things to do with my time than sit around putting it on!
That said, my partner's little sister (also autistic, as is my partner) is seriously into dancing and singing and regularly wears loads for performances. Doesn't seem to bother her at all.
I can easily envisage lots of autistic people avoiding it for sensory reasons though, so I would guess there would be a correlation between autism and not liking makeup if anyone seriously looked into it.
I wear only mascara and occasionally subtle eye shadow as well. I cannot tolerate anything smeared all over my face or lips, except I wear a light moisturiser with sunscreen. Powder or foundation makes my skin itch and I think I'm allergic.
