Traditional / Old Fashioned Thinking

And can you explain why most people out there in that real world disagree with your views? 

Peter said:

‘autism should never be an excuse’ sounds very nice to some people until we have to deal with the practicalities of a real world and social ambiguities.

THIS!

Whilst I appreciate that many autistic people avoid the social outside world, there is a real world out there.
Sometimes (a lot of the time) it is a big scary world that even NT's struggle with at times where things can and often are unpredictable. Some of us have significantly more exposure to and experience of that big bad world where all good intentions can simply fly out of the window.

Sorry, but I don't see anything in your bio that you're a psychiatrist. I'm not sure that you are qualified to say that I have conscious bias.

Yes, this is a public forum, but caution needs to be exercised - especially when there are potentially libellous comments being made. Being a public forum, people are entitled to respond with their viewpoints, but some of those viewpoints include indicators that could be considered close to the line.

I haven't asked you or anyone to feel sadness for me - that is something that is completely up to you...it has no effect on me.

At no point have I tried to use my autism (or other undiagnosed psychological conditions) as an EXCUSE. I have simple openly expressed concern that the impact that they could POTENTIALLY have on my behaviour. I am not saying that my condition(s) make it right to go around spouting hatred. That is the key point that is being missed by so many.

Do you really think that I want to pick and choose my autism to suit me? WOW just WOW!

Who exactly are you to say that I could change my "old fashioned traditional thinking"?
I want to change lots of things. I want to change the fact that I am autistic for starters....not happening!

Sloan said:

I don’t think having autism can be an excuse to say the wrong thing at the wrong time

I have to say that personally I think that’s the kind of thinking that leads to 16-year-old autistic girls being manhandled by six policeman for saying that someone looks like their lesbian Nana.

‘autism should never be an excuse’ sounds very nice to some people until we have to deal with the practicalities of a real world and social ambiguities.

I did actually write it around the other way, I then thought it sounded wrong, always go with gut instinct. 
I originally thought, a sheep in wolf’s clothing.

Or a wolf in wolf's clothing.

Maybe a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But yours is conscious. From what you’ve said it is clear you are well aware of your beliefs, therefore all the judgement you have is a conscious decision youre making against other people. 

You chose to write your comments on a public forum, you can’t now turn around and call out other people for “judging” you on that, you chose to write something controversial, you can’t now ‘oh poor me’ when people respond with their viewpoints. 

There is not one part of my post that is hate towards you. In fact it is the total opposite..I said i felt sad for you. Sad that you feel that you can use your autism as an excuse to judge, criticise, rant and mutter about people who do not fit into your beliefs. 

I was just trying to point out you can’t pick and choose when your autism or your inability to change suits you and you use it as an excuse for your beliefs, and was trying to show you that by the simple fact of something like now being able to use the internet means you are capable of change, of learning new things, of changing how you see the world, when clearly from your posts you felt that this was not something you were able to do. 

my point is, if you wanted to change your “old fashioned traditional thinking” you could. You are just choosing not too, and then blaming your autism for that. That fact would remain the same whether it was about sexuality, gender, or anything else like technology. 

On the subject of rules, may I bring rules 4 & 5 to your attention

Content must not be graphic, obscene, defamatory or libellous. It must not encourage, promote or glorify any forms of self-harm of self- neglect. Please do not use the forum to identify other individuals, whether in passing or when making complaints. Please use alternative websites or resources if you wish to make a complaint about an individual or third party service.    

Be nice to one another and enjoy chatting with others. We encourage conversation and respectful debate; please be aware that individuals may give opinions which are not shared by other members. Insulting posts or comments making personal jibes will not be tolerated.   

There are numerous response to my OP which could be deemed / proven to be in contravention to the above rules. Hopefully the mods / community manager will be along soon to sort this out one way or another.

People DO judge - simple fact. It may be conscious or unconscious bias.

It is obvious by your comment Sloan and many other peoples' comments that I have been judged. I was "brave" enough (or foolish enough depending on your point of view) to share an honest concern that I have about the possible impact of my recent diagnosis.

Does it not occur to anyone on here that Autism may only be part of my psychological makeup and challenges? Oh no, let's all jump on the bandwagon and try to ostracise someone for having a different experience to our own.

I find it very sad that I am feeling so much hate for this honest and open thread.
If it were really THAT controversial, provocative, hateful, etc then I would have expected that the mods would have jumped all over it at some point during the past 10 hours - especially as I have reported the thread to mods and emailed the community manager.

If you guys want to keep attacking my thread, fine - I will continue to respond. 

I don’t think having autism can be an excuse to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s things like this that I feel give autism a really bad impression to people in a world where autistic people are already struggling to be understood.

I struggle with change, I can say the wrong thing at the wrong time.. however I still fundamentally know what it right and wrong, and wouldn’t ever use my autism as an excuse to be a bigot or to say I was unable to make any changes to past beliefs. 

The world is always changing… there certainly wasn’t a forum on the internet 20/30 years ago to discuss autism, yet you’ve managed to change and learn the skills to use the internet and a forum and use technology, so you can deal with change. So I don’t see how this is any different. Yes change can be difficult for autistic people but it is not impossible and should NEVER be used as excuse to speak hatred about other people. You’re just being picky about what changes you will and won’t fundamentally accept or be prepared to make.

if you know that your way of thinking (whether it’s developed from the past or not) is not acceptable in todays society, then do better. 

thank god we live in a country where people can love who they want to love, can be free to express who they are and are not internally tormented for who they were born to be. Imagine being told that something, just like your autism, that you had no control over and was born with, is being used as a reason for others to judge you, condemn your way of living, to not agree with you and your existence.

the fact that you have admitted to saying things ‘muttered’ and have put the word behave in quote marks would suggest that fundamentally you actually still hold the bigoted beliefs that you grew up with. I feel really sad for you that you are not prepared to accept people for who they are and question who they were born to be.

I am also in the LGBTQIA+ community, so I imagine you may also feel that my viewpoint on the whole matter is somewhat biased. 

But i simply cannot understand and never will understand how who someone loves, how they choose to dress or act, what they look like or who they feel they really are has any impact on anyone else and why this would be an issue or problem for anybody else. I literally couldn’t care less who someone identifies as.. I just wish that person could live in a world without hatred, self hatred, judgement and bigotry. 

I don’t think there’s a person alive who doesn’t have some kind of prejudice. What matters is our ability to notice when we have such a thought and reflect on whether it’s a thought or belief we want to have.

One thing that has definitely changed since my diagnosis is that I have become much more sympathetic to other peoples’ challenges and less judgemental about their differences.

Personaly I'm not at all sure it would be a bad thing is we did have hetrosexual pride marches. It seems to me that hetrosexual men in particular can't express any joy in their own sexuality these days with out being accused of being mysogynists. It really shouldn't be seen as a mysogynasist sentiment to say that, as a hetrosexual man, you find women sexualy atactive and would like to have sex with them. But if you pop your head above the parapet and say this you are liable to get your head bitten off.

Maybe if we all clubed together, say in a march, we could renormalise openly showing sexual desire towards women. (which clearly is a difrent thing from sexually harasing people)

I'm not inclined to get into the debate above. I don't handle conflict well. The unshackled pdaer would sum me up pretty well right now. 

I'm really self conscious about my now visible stims , I still mask to an extent, or perhaps I dissociate I'm not entirely sure. I know in company I tolerate more things for other people's benefit, but also because I'm less aware of my own senses I can eat/drink things I don't like because I don't think about it with everything else that's going on. However the distractions of other people also mean I don't notice how I feel and I get dysregulated by their emotions so end up having to take the next day to recover. I only realised I was doing this last week so haven't figured it out yet. But it's getting to the point where I'm going to have to say to a friend I can't eat at your house cos I actually really don't like the packet food taste. Not sure how I'm going to say that politely when she's feeding me because I don't eat! 

If it helps at all she and her children are also undiagnosed but now self suspecting and they are all losing the ability to mask too. Her son literally said "I can't eat that it tastes horrible and the texture is gross" the other day, and then regretted being so blunt. We are all on a learning curve, it's how we tackle it that matters I think. 

The OP seems to remind me of someone.  It's almost like deja vu.

I’ve been lurking on this site for 2 years plus, I am just trying to play devils advocate. Similar posts have happened before, it ends in a huge bun fight and people leaving the site. Some subjects are so emotive that they will always cause hurt.  
I not saying anything should be off the table, just respect each other. I came here to learn about autism, neurodivergence covers many different angles, including sexuality.  
I was born in the 1960’s, I have learned a lot, What I saw in the 70’s and 80’s was wrong, we have hopefully moved on.

Absolutely that was bad - even for the 90's.

However, it did happen (not actual burning of homosexuals), but that is what was taught and it would have left an imprint on the innocent minds of their students.

Thank you Max has left the platform (them/they) - your post seems the only one so far from "the other side of the fence" that actually read and understood my OP.

Thank you for talking about your bigotry and misinformation which lead to prejudice. That's probably where I have been and remain to be. Your beliefs obviously changed when you invested time and energy into the subject - something that sounds like it was driven by your curiosity about your own identity and sexuality.

For me, I do not have such an inspiration or reason to recalibrate. I have much bigger battles to fight - autism being just one component of what one of my neurologists sees as a very complex multi facetted case.

Not once (unless I can be corrected) have I criticised or said anything along the lines that people of other "persuasions" should be persecuted or victimised. What I have said though is that such things weren't as prevalent in the era of my upbringing. And that is something that has influenced me and I cannot deny that they were there.

Regarding the "released shackles" (the main point of my OP) is that it scares me what that may look like. More so, will any of my past experiences be blurted out [unintentionally] at the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm not saying that there is a right place and time for that, but I do have loved ones near and dear to me that understand me. Since my diagnosis I have changed, those shackles have come off and that has already resulted in considerable changes. Things such as significant increase in my stimming both at home and out.

When everything started kicking off on this thread earlier, I took myself away to Aldi to get some bits. The people in the shop must have thought I was a right weirdo - I was in overdrive with my stimming and it wasn't confined to just my hands.

Totally not letting the drunk nuns off the hook. Our sex ed was "don't have it" and homosexuals burn in hell. Even for the 90's that was bad. 

Most people still have primerally hetrosexual relationships. Most people are cis. And from a logical point of view it still makes sence to take hetrosexualcis norms as a starting asumption. For example it makes a lot of sence to call someone in a dress 'miss' or with a beard 'sir' unless they corect you. It makes more sence to ask a man if he has a girlfriend than a boyfriend. I think there are a lot of people who are tired of being atacked for falling back on the quite reasonable assumptions they grew up with. For 'asuming peoples gender' or sexuality. It's not nessicerally that they mind making exceptions when they meet someone who doesn't fit with those asumptions. More that they object to being atacked for starting from those asumptions, that work quite well 90% of the time.

T said:

He doesn't deny the existence of people like me, he just preferred it when we hid it from the world for fear of being murdered in the streets.

I think it's more that  there are a lot of people happy to live and let live they just don't want to have to be a part of it. As long as they can opt out of having to be involved with other peoples non hetronormative behavior / culture they are happy for it to exist. for eaxample lots of people would be really mad if they made the next james bond a rageing homosexual. He's an icol of 20th century hetronormative culture and they want him to stay that way. That doesn't mean they want gay spy films banned or the media to pretend trans / gay people don't exist. They just want to hold on to that hetronormative culture they are used to.

I know a lot of people like this and by and large they are not bad people. They are happy for gay and trans people to live their lives and to do what they want. They just don't acept that they are asked to celerbrate it or embrace the wider culture around it.

GPK26 said:

• Humour was not censored
• People weren't "cancelled"

Basicly people like this want james bond and bernard manning to be able to co exist along side julien clairy and the L word. They want tolerance. Don't try to ban our comedian for using words the woke don't like and we won't try to ban yours for useing words we don't like, words like 'transphobic' and 'patriarchy.' Is that more or less right GPK26?