Cutting People Out

Yep!  I closed my FaceBook account and I closed Nexdoor account as well.  They ganged up on me on Nextdoor, and I could not be bothered with the trivia on FB. NAS is the only circle of "friends" I have as the town pariah. I'm use to it in my old age.  Since childhood I was always the odd one, the square pin trying to fit in. It has taught me self reliance, and a very thick skin.  My oldest son is an illustrator---that talent was inherited from my ex-wife who can trace her lineage back to Sir Josuah Reynolds founder of the Royal Acadamy of Arts. Anyway, and more to the point---during a recent tel.- con. with my son It became very apparent to me how much of a bubble my son has created for himself. He is totaly immersed with himself despite having his own family with two very demanding daughters. His attitude is probably reinforced through my autistic gene pool but is mainly through his mother's who was an absolute careless individual. My point is this; Thay are both (mum & son) very lucky people to be able to cast their fate's to the wind without any apparent concsious awareness outside of their little respective bubbles. Perhaps ignorance really is bliss.

Reading all your responses, it seems to me that most of us are cutting People out, not through anger but through dispair. Perhaps we are just looking for some peace away from social complications? Bng alone often providing this antidote

Yes I do this as well.

I can't focus on sustaining relationship with family and friends when I'm trying to do other things like studying or when I'm shopping. I go mute and withdraw myself. 

It isn't a horrible thing just my reaction to pressure. Not everyone understands. My mum does luckily but I've lost friends because of it.

It's rare that I completely cut people out to the point of no return, but I do have a tendency to temporarily distance myself from people. In my case, it's usually my relatives.

Lol Mark Renton's parent were pretty decent people. Mine were not.

Judge Dredd said:

being alone is much better than being surrounded by liars, bastards and druggies.  

Your story was recounted in Trainspotting:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Renton

I can even buy a backpack with your photo on .

You're famous:

https://www.redbubble.com/i/backpack/Trainspotting-Poster-by-sharlenemcfsp/132156926.K1KHE

Edit: so as not to cause confusion, 'Mark Renton' has miraculously transmuted into 'Judge Dredd' ...

I only tend to push people away if they are causing me to relapse or revisit something that is overloading me, usually the reason I push some people away as a reaction is because I’ve come to assume that they will do the aforementioned, however I can be completely unguarded around some..

That's understandable. I suppose if I was in your shoes my worry would be "would they come back" but I guess only you would know.

Been there, done that. Cut out my *** father and every single one of my friends and acquaintances in 2000. One of the best choices of my life, being alone is much better than being surrounded by liars, bastards and druggies.  

I do this unintentionally. When there's so much going on I can't process it all and can't cope with interaction and inadvertently push those around me away while I try to get through whatever is going on.

I have had the tendency to decide to phase out/cut off connections which I don't feel are going anywhere, but I look at it slightly differently now.

Were they really that one sided or have I had my own issues with demanding attention etc? Because my own self esteem and need for validation affected a lot of things.

Having said that, I do know when something isn't working anymore. There was one instance where I was too afraid to cut someone off because I knew they'd blast our conversations on social media and I didn't want to deal with that, although they did that anyway.

I do look now as to how comfortable I am with someone, and whether I can be myself, or close to myself, around them. 

I may be on the ASD spectrum but I got to make an GP appointment because my family no help with the paper work needed that I have from mental health when they tried to help me after they suspect I may be on the spectrum. So I won't know till I get a diagnosis to find out. However, I feel this post with deep annoyance of what I have experienced.

All my life, also doing it in relationships when they ask you to open up and you don't know how too; or you try to and your partner at the time gives you "I asked you to let me and you drop all this on me, you need to realise that it is not all about you, there is me and others in your life too".  

Also, family and so-called friends that tell you "I am there for you, if you need someone" and when you reach to them, they completely dismiss and ignore you by saying "Oh sorry, I got something on or I am busy".. 

Like WTF, why would you tell me then that you are there for me, when you clearly haven't got time, each time I have tried or Tell me to open up or let you in, if I am thinking about myself all the time. It like I try and nagivate friendships, family and relationships but I always perfer to be alone or really struggle to nagivate them. 

I think it might come from an issue with executive functioning as I've read this also effects emotion.

Struggling to identify emotions (alexathymia) that you then need to know in order to establish how you feel or reason with an intrr-personal situation makes it near impossible to navigate.

Yesterday I experienced a whole day in shutdown after my parents visited. There was some weirdness from them after they wouldn't come over to see their grandson through fear of catching a cold he has. I didn't know how to read it so I just shut down and sort of went into hibernation mode for a day.

Ended the day with a migraine

I’ve been described as odd and unrewarding for this reason, ultimately if it draws my interest I am interested, if it doesn’t draw my interest I’m not interested.  
It not really a complicated affair for me, it just that if I don’t incorporate something into my routine before I run out of interest, then I just cease to think about it, it’s not personal it’s just a quirk of my neurology..

From my observations, I have concluded that non autistic people can resolve disputes in a different way. There might be a tendency (from myself at least) that situations are "all or nothing",  whereas I've recognised other people are able to see the grey a bit more and manage situations accordingly. Having said that a very "neurotypical" person I had known for a very long time cut me out but I am glad this happened in the end.

I just call it diversity. Which is entirely typical, ironically

Yes, comments like, “ try to be positive and think about the good things.” Last week a family member told me that I’m not autistic but there’s definitely something going on. I see this person about 3 times a year so they obviously have a in-depth knowledge of me. That person is now on the muted list.

JT said:

I always just feel like they've neglected to listen to what I'm actually saying

That’s exactly it, I suppose on my part, I said nothing to anyone about how I function and see the world for over 50 years. Everyone only knows the person I created.

Absolutely. I've concluded that for me it's generally due to a lack of care by others - or at least that's how it seems to me. 

I'm devoted to those I love, I would never abandon or betray them and always do my best to please them. I have learned to my cost that most people do not feel as I do, it is difficult to have anything more than a superficial relationship with them and for the most part, I don't try. 

o.k
Maybe "condition" was the wrong word.
How about  " a strange state of affairs " ?

Thanks.

Just for the record, i don't consider it a condition tbh, I consider it a label that society requires to explain away difference instead of excepting that 'difference' has always been present in human culture.

I know lots of people with 'limitations' who aren't autistic