Am I steange?

You can be credited for seeking out all those books with pictures when you couldn't understand the text. 

I'm guessing your issues with text and reading are related to dyslexia which wasn't picked up at school. It's never too late to seek support. It is understandable you are reluctant due to your past experiences but things are very different outside of school.

Life can be hard for us autistics, especially when you are also struggling to survive financially. There are ways of acquiring new toys without having to pay full retail price. You could try charity shops, car boots sales or freecycle if you have those things where you live.

Don't give up. Things can get better.

yes can I but more reson as well. I play those toys I have and love it but cannot afford new one that I want. Even new small soft balls to roll against the wall are expensive to me. My social pay helps me survive day and bills pay then I have £50 to live each month.
I saved 1,5 year to buy my lego model Giza pyramid

It has been more than autism 2 but it was hidden. My grades were result of parents job to tell teachers. I knew what the first word I read was when I was 13 years old. Then I could read like someone who recently began to understand text. Dont know when age that done is but someone told me about 5 year old. It has been terrible.
After nine year in school I would say I understood maybe as a grade 1 child.
Today still hard and text horrible is to understand. Need support and help with everything with text but I say nothing to anyone. Dont want to be abused and kicked in my head again as I was when I was 11 years old and 12 years old and 14 tears old.
Its hard life. I want to play but no job only living social payment. Survive each month yes but still is very hard. Wish could afford toys to play with but I cannot :( Im feeling so sad knowing the toys are there but nothing play with because never given chance to do that. Probably will never be able to have that fun more than with the few I have

It is hard to break away from what our family teach us.

Could you not put the toys away if your family come?

That's very sad your parents seem to be stuck on the idea that people will judge you as lesser and juvenile for playing with toys but really lots of adults autistic or not have games and toys and are still big kids, yes people will judge if they see it but so what, you can't hold back your happiness just because of what someone else doesn't think if suitable for an adult to spend their free time doing. You aren't hurting anyone by playing with toys.
And miniature railway building is a respectable hobby I don't understand why this would be looked down on as childish in anyway.
I do not think you are strange at all.

If it is okay to ask how old are you now and are you still living in the nursing home?

Welcome to the community Sebastian.

You are not strange or stupid or wrong. You are an autistic person who has sadly been misunderstood and traumatised for much of your life.

SebastianASD said:

I have a swedish blog but what does that help. Swedish is my native language and blog sites are very hard translate. dont know how to do that. its here, Autistic Sebastian (wordpress.com)

I have read your blog. I don't speak Swedish but google helpfully translated it for me. I can identify with so much of what you say about your experiences of school that I could have written parts of it myself. The confusion about the other children in the playground, the unbearable noise in the canteen, being unable to eat, being the quiet one, hiding during break times, etc.

It is heart-breaking the way you were treated by your mother. You were never really allowed to be a child. If playing with toys is what makes you happy and calm now as an adult then that is what you should do. There is nothing at all wrong with that. 

You can be immensely proud of all that you achieved without support, being president of the school council, achieving good grades and finally achieving your independence after what must have been a horrendous time living in a nursing home.

I hope that you gradually begin to lose all the misplaced guilt and shame that your parents wrongly instilled in you. 

I have so many things to play with that its a bit strange.  I've got loads of stuff..most of it I consider to be toys and useful stuff ... but most of it is considered rubbish or weird to keep.

I think I was quite lucky when I lived at home with my parents because they were a lot like me.  I had very few "toys" that you could buy from a shop....but I was more than welcome to play with the stuff that my parents had found themselves with.

Your parents sound different to you.

Stick around Sebastian, we all try to help each other around here, be better and be happy.

risk family comes and after 28 years of forced to learn things at home its hard to abandon those thoughts. I love to play with toys in stores and look at them. In my dream I would alot have at home toys play with.

I could know my first word what it meant when I was 12 year old. Until then I was just guess.
Without my text reader on my computer or tablet I cannot understand any text still.
I dont work its not possible have small amount of money to survive as social payment or whatever its calld.

I have a swedish blog but what does that help. Swedish is my native language and blog sites are very hard translate. dont know how to do that. its here, Autistic Sebastian (wordpress.com)

I would love having my own sandpit to play in.
But play in the sand at a beach YES I would love that but never viit a beach too many people there. Wish there was somewhere no one was but hard to find.
I would love to have more toys but to far my parent taught me its wrong play with toys as adult that is why I do not have much sadly

I don't think you're strange and certainly not stupid and wrong. It's sad that you can't speak to your family about your disabilities. If you live alone, why can't you play with toys?

I think it would probably do you good to tell your story. I don’t think there’s anything embarrassing about playing with toys. Particularly not if you have a lot of anxiety and it provides you with some stress relief. Your parents obviously know that you are disabled because they’re treating you like a child telling you what you can and can’t do in your spare time what you can and can’t talk about but you were over 28.

so clearly they think being a disabled adult means they can treat you like a child, yet they are embarrassed for anyone else to know that  you are disabled. that doesn’t sound like a healthy situation to me.

Hello

I like playing with lego as well and got two books for ideas.

Everyone thought I had learning disability and teachers knew that I had autism symptoms (without telling my family);

I've been bullied quite a lot by former work colleagues and in 2015 had a nervous breakdown. 2019 I was very unwell with the lingering flu. Ending up leaving after 11 years of hell. Had no after care which should happened. Handled my notice badly and begged me to change my mind. The day after my family told me to find a job ( big mistake); Every year relatives come to stay nearby and got this fixation of not understanding what I'm doing these days. Wanted to do something different for my birthday and said no. 

Finding some people not accepting me as got this fixation. Kept on asking do I have a job? Etc. Tried to explain I go to a group where do different things. I go to the ones enjoy doing.

Some people understand me and gained a good relatives with the cheese shop and butchers (helped me out during 2020)

In a nutshell. 

Just do what you want to do. 

My parent never admitted my disabilities they just deny it. 

My toys are lean and we'll look after. I love to just be on the floor playing it's so relaxing. 

Building Lego all day would be dream me to but it's expensive models. I would love 10 kg of Lego that would be heaven to me. 

My parents think I'm very childish when I get overload. I need alone time playing with my ball rolling it on the floor sometimes just just sit quiet having finger in mouth or something like that. It's feeling wrong write about it since parents told me not to since it's crazy stupid and wrong. 

I write a little about my disabilities in blog I link to link in Instagram @autisticseb but I want to tell about my life somewhere but afraid being bullied and abused as I was in school for many years kicked to unconsciousness more times I'm afraid of that again happening.

Thank you you reply here great 

Auto correct text app when write here helps me. 

I built chops Pyramid have in my Instagram @autisticseb pictures story Lego

Toys i mean toys to play with indoor not huge cars or so they don't interest me. 

Small toy things like Lego, model railway, stuffed animals, play dough, kinetic sand such things. Great idea post a post thank you. 

A parent that tells their  child they are stupid, even when they do have an intellectual disability, raises concerns for me.

obviously if you’re playing with toys is in someway destructive or unhygienic I could understand why there might be objections, but it seems vindictive to deny you the opportunity to use things that are helpful ways of removing stress and that are ultimately harmless.

there are after all serious adults who play with Lego. Some even make a career out of it.

it’s also extremely concerning that your family is trying to prevent you talking about your disability. I would imagine but you have a lot of frustrations relating to your disability and that talking about them is therapeutically necessary.
It also suggests that your family might be suggesting that you are in some sensE something for them to be ashamed of. And lastly it suggests that your family may not want the world to know exactly how they treat you and in particular how they manage your disability. That last point is extremely concerning. Because whether or not their behaviour towards him is abusive, their insistence on secrecy suggest to me that they’re concerned some might view it that way.

Most men like playing with toys. We disguise it by selecting toys like cars and tools which society says is acceptable for us to play with, but when we do not have such things available to us, we start rolling a ball against the wall quickly enough.

In my case, as an engineer, I made my entire career from "playing with toys". And I always carry a yo-yo if I have to go to work or through an airport or anywhere else that makes me "wait quietly"...

You aren't "strange" based n what you write, you've just got a couple of conditions that don't affect most people and they can be very ignorant about it. A popular retort to such criticism as you report is "I was born like this, what's your excuse?".. 

YOUR DLD does not extend to your writing, it's very clear and of good quality. Although your finger might well have hit E instead of R when you wrote the word strange in title, there seems to be less typos and spelling errors than I and a lot of others here manage.

IF you want more Lego and don't mind washing it, try placing a wanted ad on Freecycle.co.uk and keep refreshing the ad after it runs out..Sooner or later someone will give you some. (I wanted a CB radio, and it took me about a year of Freecycle ads, but then someone gave me FIVE! 

Finally, I got a question. What's the best thing you have built out of lego so far?

Hello 87721, I am Number.

I love being on a swing.  I do it a lot.

I love playing with Lego.

I'm in my 50'S.......but I am very child-like at heart.

You don't sound wrong.  You don't sound strange.  You sound like you are autistic.....just like me.

I don't like playing in sand pits.....I'm too scared of finding animal poop in it.....although sand can be OK on a beach.

People think I am strange and "a bit wrong" .... but that is because they don't understand.  I don't care.

Keep being you.  Nice to meet you here.

Kind regards

Number.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. You are most certainly not 'wrong'.  Perhaps a little unusual but I don't like the negative suggestion behind the word 'strange'.