Do you work?

I work 3 shifts a week. Really need my down time in between these, I worked this evening, and I’ve loads of stress in my neck and shoulders, and my windpipe is restricted and tight. I’m just sitting here massaging the fenders areas on it . I actually felt like quitting today. I hate it. But I need the money, and I’ve just had a 2nd pay rise in 3 months. 

Thats true and very comforting

Billy87 said:

you have to remember that by trying to go to work for so long as an autistic person going through all this, you have already achieved far more than most NT people do in their fancy careers. It probobly took way more strength for you than for them. You deserve time to be kind to yourself

You have to remember this too Billy87

I can really identify with this, I think we are in the same boat. I am currently working in English in a school right now and I just cant cope with it much more. I am so overwhelmed and burned out from the expecations, the noise, the constant social interactions, the rules, everything. Just want to run away somewhere. Can feel another big burnout coming on soon

I went to work before Xmas but left after an hour I couldn't cope

This is exactly the sort of thing that happens to me 

it's like I get pulled under fierce waves in the dark and I can't breathe or see.

Thats a really good description of it. I often feel like its a wall in front of me that I physcially cant push through but the whole world around me is forcing me to try

You really dont need to feel guilty. It sounds like you have a really supportive husband and you have to remember that by trying to go to work for so long as an autistic person going through all this, you have already achieved far more than most NT people do in their fancy careers. It probobly took way more strength for you than for them. You deserve time to be kind to yourself

I have never worked properly but I hope to figure it out one day. I am so good at the studying format but the second I have to turn towards the world of work I freak out. I did a gardening course and really enjoyed it but the second I had to turn those skills towards earning money it because unbearably stressful. I don't know if its PDA or what.

I am thinking of volunteering with animals to find a sense of purpose again and maybe I could try becoming a dog walker as it seems it would only be minimal contact with their owners just discussing the pets needs. If you are okay with animals and find their company easier perhaps that can be a way into finding less stressful work one day. 

NAS83898,

Yes, I've been there an done that but it leads me to stress too.  I appreciate the thought. :-)

I do content writing from home, but one of the platforms I work for is closing down because AI has gotten so good at creating that kind of content that human writers are becoming obsolete, and the other two platforms have very little work available. I have no idea what I'm going to do tbh, as I can't hold down a job that involves interacting with people. I relate to your feelings of burnout when trying to have a traditional job.

And u haven't failed or let anyone down. Some time just need a break from life and all the hassle o work, no shame in that. You have a supportive husband who believes in you and we do as well. Look after urself for now and worry about return to work when your ready when the time is right. Take care

Since return to scotland Ive been working in writing. I do a couple o pages for the local paper in my area, meets with success and good response. Writing about all the important stuff like the wait times with hospitals atm. My own personal experiences are most popular in my writing. I like writing work cause I can do it mostly from comfort of my own home and that perfect as Im not a mum so my baby keeps me busy. sometimes i work in the local community centre as well if Ive got time. It’s not steady work and not making a fortune but it’s work and I’m proud I can do it.

You haven't failed again. 

Teaching is hard work. People who are not autistic also burn out in this job. Have you spoken to your manager about your struggles? They might be able to put adjustments in place. I teach adults and have reduced my teaching hours over the past couple of years. I don't know how people can do it full time. There are different environments within teaching and yours might not be suitable.  Teaching is stressful but then you have the added layer of being autistic....it's not usually in the classroom I feel stressed. It's usually around colleagues, communication and expectations. I feel guilty on my partner that i am not working full time. I'm considering a change. I'd love to follow one of my interests but it'd mean retraining and I feel it's indulgent.

Perhaps you have a hobby or interest that may be saleable from home?  Nowadays anything can be sold on the internet through proper marketing techniques!

Investigating those techniques is an education in itself, or you can hire someone. There are freelance sites for that purpose. 

NAS83898,

That comment has really cheered me up at I have issues with not being able to work in that I often berate myself.  Your support in this comment has helped me see that there are partners out there who accept when their love cannot work.

Try not to stress yourself with imaginings of failure. Be gentle on yourself with your strength of spirit.  You are lucky to have an understanding, and supportive partner. My wife is an agoraphobic and hasn't worked for 25 years. She is no less a good person.

Home is my work. 

I work part-time, two days a week, and am exhausted a lot of the time. I do also volunteer one morning a week, but I don't find that so draining. I want to set up some work from home proofreading and editing, but I'm not sure if that's going to work. I'm really still supported by my parents, which embarrasses me, but there's not a lot I can do about it right now.

I just slept for three hours there on the sofa after a day of doing not much and then just gently taking down the Christmas tree. A combination of lingering fatigue from Christmas (I was ill with a chest infection, and my dad was in hospital for lung cancer surgery) and the overwhelm of readjusting to office life (albeit with hybrid working) after getting out of practice with managing the energy drain and environmental stimuli. Being in my forties has brought the threshold down too I think - burnout comes sooner and harder. 

I work, but my diagnosis explains what I’m always exhausted despite a low pressure job. I’ve been in library work for two decades, the last few in a niche - largely back room area- and I feel lucky to have hit upon one of a few things that I can cope with long term with minimal burnout/shutdown. Though I’ve definitely been like a zombie at work many times when overwhelmed and over ruminating due to life in general. It’s impacted for sure at times in my productivity and speed. 

Angel,

I volunteer but always get ill if I try to work.  I'm going to see if the volunteering works out or leads to anything.  For me it's the expectation I perceive that ends up being too much and if others don't put as much effort into their jobs as I do.  I've working in sooo many different areas that I've lost count.  Each time I've gotten ill.  It's incredibly frustrating but it's awesome your husband accepts it and supports you.  Is he supportive if you are unable to work or is he expecting you to go back to work?

Hello. I am sorry you can’t cope with work anymore and you have struggled with autistic burnout. That must be really difficult for you. Please be kind to yourself, work is not suitable for everyone.

My husband is supportive and has said to stay at home and go back when I'm ready but I don't want to quit in case I'm never ready to return to work. But I feel selfish for being like this because my husband has to deal with

I understand your concerns about being selfish but you are just looking after yourself. It’s sounds like your husband understands your situation very well, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.  

I am sure many other autistics on this forum will be able to relate to your situation. You are not alone.