Published on 12, July, 2020
I was working in English, teaching writing to students and I had been doing this for a long time but had to cut down to part time because of autistic burnout and physical stress. I went to work before Xmas but left after an hour I couldn't cope and I've not been back since. I can't do work anymore it's like I get pulled under fierce waves in the dark and I can't breathe or see. My husband is supportive and has said to stay at home and go back when I'm ready but I don't want to quit in case I'm never ready to return to work. But I feel selfish for being like this because my husband has to deal with me.
I've had a couple of jobs working in shops and at a hospital but the experience haven't been good. I was hoping my teaching would be a good one and last but it looks like I've failed again. I have no idea how people keep their jobs without burning out. I cannot get the hang of it.
I work, but my diagnosis explains what I’m always exhausted despite a low pressure job. I’ve been in library work for two decades, the last few in a niche - largely back room area- and I feel lucky to have hit upon one of a few things that I can cope with long term with minimal burnout/shutdown. Though I’ve definitely been like a zombie at work many times when overwhelmed and over ruminating due to life in general. It’s impacted for sure at times in my productivity and speed.
I just slept for three hours there on the sofa after a day of doing not much and then just gently taking down the Christmas tree. A combination of lingering fatigue from Christmas (I was ill with a chest infection, and my dad was in hospital for lung cancer surgery) and the overwhelm of readjusting to office life (albeit with hybrid working) after getting out of practice with managing the energy drain and environmental stimuli. Being in my forties has brought the threshold down too I think - burnout comes sooner and harder.