Bullying

No problem

My first experience of being bullied was at infant school, when I was around 5 years old. The bullying continued throughout my education... mostly in the form of name-calling, although there were a couple of occasions when I was beaten up.

Back in the 1970s and 80s when I was at school, it seemed to be the case that boys were more likely to be the victims of physical bullying, whereas girls generally tended to be the victims of emotional bullying.

There were people I was at school with that I have long since forgotten the names of, but the names of the bullies are scorched in my memory, along with the memories of how those bullies had made me feel.

I happened to encounter one of the bullies at a friend's wedding back in 2013, so I told them how they had made me feel back when we had been at school. The person was absolutely mortified and profusely apologetic, as they genuinely had no idea just how much their behaviour towards me at school had negatively affected me.

It’s still no excuse - two wrongs don’t make a right - just look at how the gay community achieved rights and equality against a backdrop of bullying, hate and intolerance - there are so many parallels here 

I was bullied at school.
Hell on Earth.
I bulked up, got an attitude and now i bully bullies.
They pick on the weak,so they ARE weak.
They do it because we let them.
Start believing in Yourself and preserve Your pride.
Defend Your Morals.
I never used to say "boo" to a goose, now when i say boo the justy explode in a whirlwind of feathers.
Learn to say " NO" and You will soon find an inner respect and confidence You never knew You had. 

Apologies for editing my original post. 

Mental health isn't 100, but I 'd have to  go back a long way to find a time when it was better than it is now. There's several physical health issues, which I may have mentioned before. 5 years after a dx, and I still struggle with doubts as to the validity of my diagnosis. I can't identify with those who need 24x7 care and support. At the other end I can't identify with ' autism is my superpower' autistic  people. I guess I may be in some vague  kind of 'middle'.

Reading through the comments on these forums and it comes across that people here are leading  lives with far more complexity, and depth than mine. My daily life could be summed up by food/drink/internet/a bit of TV/sleep.

Primary/Junior shoool were ok for me because there were lots of kids that lived near me and it was quite a small school. Secondary school was hell. Of course this was the 1980's and I had no idea about ADHD and ASC. I was always diffrent, a bit slow on the uptake, didn't do verbal instructions well, I seemed to be a bully magnet. I needed glasses but didn't want another thing to stand out so I struggled through lessons not being able to see well.

It was never particually physical bulling, more phsylogical. I was good at Geography, science and history and in those classes I was ok as I was with the better kids. However at Maths and English I was rubbish and was in the midle class where all my bullies seemed to lurk. The teachers were apalling, it was a run down school on a big council estate. I would go from having a OK morning to then have a afternoon of being bullied. Stuff like sitting behind me and pushing my chair across the floor, things being thrown at me, , bullies trying to get me in trouble etc. I have purged secondary school from my mind. Yet when I left and went to work I loved it as I worked with decient adults. Right through my childhood I perfered the company of adults.

You are not alone in your struggles. I didn't do well at school, I was very average and nobody really noticed me. Never went on to work any high paid jobs, and now at 54 I just want to retire, after 35 years I am burnt out.

Rob

So hurt people do not hurt people?

I’ve heard that phrase before and I profoundly and fundamentally disagree with that phrase on ethical and moral grounds - the fact that someone even coined that phrase clearly points to the moral bankruptcy and deep hypocrisy of our society regarding bullying, as if this is some kind of excuse for the crime of bullying, for which there can never be any acceptable excuse in a properly functioning society - it has been a disturbing reality in mass shooting events in the US that the shooter has mentioned bullying as a motive for their shooting spree 

Experiences of bullying like these clearly point to the fact that we need to massively and fundamentally rethink so many things about our society, crucially that bullying is a criminal act and must be dealt with via the criminal law - the police must always become involved with bullying cases and those who are bullying must be tried in a criminal court - we don’t allow rape or murder so why do we fail to take the same hardline approach against bullying - the parents of child bullies must face criminal prosecution and bullies must have serious mental health interventions while in jail, while child bullies must be sent to residential child psychiatric facilities to root out their bullying behaviour, the bullying parents attitudes must be robustly challenged and rooted out via the criminal justice system - too often, we see situations where victims and targets of bullying are in effect punished for being bullied and this is clearly a situation that must stop, same applies to the effective silencing of victims and targets of bullying - we pretend to be and call ourselves a “caring” and “civilised” society but with so much bullying, both documented and otherwise, this alone is proof of how deeply hypocritical our society is in actuality and in reality - it is only morally right and proper that targets and victims of bullying get the correct type of supports, along with their families, preferably within thier communities, but it is both scandalous, an outrage and totally disgraceful that the current reality is that targets of bullying are punished for being bullied, in many cases left with lifelong psychological scars that in many cases will never heal 

Yes, I have had too much experience of bullying and too little of something better. I heard a phrase regarding it on an autism online platform I was unaware of and can relate to: 'hurt people hurt people'. I'm glad Richard Beard has written his book to do with this too imo www.google.com/.../public-schoolboys-boris-johnson-sad-little-boys-richard-beard 

Hello firemonkey. I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult experiences you faced during your school years and the lasting impact it has had on your self-confidence and self-worth. It's heartbreaking to hear how bullying can have such long-lasting effects on an individual.

I was bullied throughout the entirety of my school life from start to finish. Worst years of my life for sure! I still feel the effects mentally that came from the bullying and it's still not easy to endure.

Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way and that healing from past trauma is a journey that takes time and effort. It's commendable that you're sharing your story and reaching out for support. Remember, you are worthy, you are valued, and you deserve to pursue your passions and dreams without fear of judgment or ridicule. Stay strong and continue to prioritise your well-being and mental health. You deserve kindness and compassion, both from others and from yourself.

Well, my sibling was the school bully, so I couldn't escape the bullying from school or from home. If bullying only happened at school, I'd think of how lucky they were, because at least they didn't have to live with their bully! But it would be even better if there was no bullying at all.

But you have to realize, that the people who have bullied you, would have never thought or imagined that the bullying that they did to you, would have lingered 50 years into the future, and prevented you from living your life. Children and teenagers don't think about their own future, let alone how much their actions would have impacted someone 50 years into the future. They just think of how much fun they were having bullying and teasing someone during the time. Had they known that their actions would have caused 50 years of suffering, I wonder if they would have ever done it. 

It sounds like you've been around people with big egos, who have diminished your achievements as something that "everyone can do" so that you're not special for accomplishing that feat, and if you can't do something, they'll call you stupid. These kinds of people push you down no matter if you win or lose. 

The thing is, there are achievements that were achieved by other people, but if you've done it, you're now among those people who have achieved it, like climbing Mount Everest. And if you like a subject, and if you're brand new to it, all you can do is gain skills and knowledge over time. That's the path everyone takes. 

If everyone in the world used their potential to the highest degree, we'd have more progress made in humanity, more technological advances, cures for diseases, expeditions into the oceans or into space.

Imagine if these egotistical bullies stopped an amazingly intelligent person from pursuing their highest potential in life, a person who could have became an amazing doctor or surgeon, who would have saved countless lives, but this person was bullied into having bad mental health, never pursued their dreams, and now those people can't be saved. When I think about that, I just end up disliking bullies more, for halting the progress of humanity, by diminishing those who could have ended up helping so many people. 

Apologies for editing my original post. 

Bullying on social media  has the potential to be far worse than f2f  bullying . That's because far more people can bully you via social media than in a more traditional f2f setting where bullying can occur.

Apologies for editing my original post.

Despite your horrific experience which matches my own in many respects, to me a far more “positive” outcome should have been that when the bullying was discovered, the bullies and ringleaders should have been found by the teaching staff and the police should have been called in - the parents should have been arrested and charged with bullying as it’s often the kinds of things they say unchallenged and the corrupt attitudes that they hold that leads to bullying, where the bullying children soak up this bullying mindset - the parents should have done jail time and the child bullies should have been sent to a residential child psychology facility to be cured of their bullying behaviours while the targets of these bullies should have been given the support that they need in school to help them recover from such a horrific experience at the hands of bullies - until our supposedly civilised society finally accepts and realises that bullying is a serious criminal matter, with serious long term effects and consequences for targets of bullying, until we drop the victim blaming and victim shaming, targets of bullying will always be seen as victims who need to be silenced and punished for being bullied and the bullies and thier parents themselves face no consequences, the cancer of bullying in our society will continue to destroy the lives, mental health and future prospects of so many innocent people  

You just described me! With little differences , I was bullied since I ever remember, but I managed to do the degree finally (I was told by my family that I’m too dumb for that they laughed me off and said that after 1 month I will stop) but then they were shocked to see that I passed everything with high grades. I habe always had the negative narration, if I do well it’s “it’s nothing special” or “could be better” or “others for sure can do it better” but if I do poor, it’s “yeah, like always”! I think my family is partially guilty for that because it was them who told me many time sh*t about me like: you’re not suitable, you can’t live independently, you will not make any good career, what’s wrong with you and of course “you’re too dumb” don’t even try you gonna fail. And now they wonder why I have negative self talk and low self esteem. Well, if the artist made an ugly picture, the picture is ugly. It will not fix itself and turn into beautiful one. 

Bullying and Autism are really difficult issues, as just like with bullying and LGBT’s in many different situations - I would normally be inclined to signpost people to potential sources of professional help, especially since bullying appears to be getting worse in our times (perhaps because more people are sharing their experiences) but it seems to be getting worse not better with professional involvement, including in schools, home, workplaces, etc - there does come a point where the failures to tackle bulling (not by shutting down or silencing the targets of such bullying) needs to come to the fore and those in positions of power and athority do need to be called out and challenged on thier failures - it comes down to the penalties for bullying not being severe enough to act as a deterrent to such abuses of power against the targets of bullying - I’ve always believed that the police and the courts have a crucial role to play, as the act of bullying another person does not even come under the remit of criminal law, like rape and sexual assault offences do, because bullying is a criminal act, even if in childhood - we don’t allow children to be groomed for sexual crimes, so why does bullying get a free pass? In all cases of bullying, the police must always become involved from the outset and offenders must always be brought before the courts and there must always be a criminal trial 

I was bullied every single day at school because my hands shook and I always dropped pens and books. I also didn't say a lot and looked "weird" according to people at school. I think the teachers were aware but never said anything.

I understand you feeling little self worth I get that. Remember you are awesome. And you definitely aren't stupid :)