Published on 12, July, 2020
Were any of you bullied as children/teenagers? I was subjected to mild mocking/teasing at prep school, but that was nothing like the severe verbal bullying I was subjected to at public school. I was introverted,shy,badly coordinated and socially awkward/naive. In other . words, not like the usual brash and extremely self confident people that went there. Nearly 50 years later and I still struggle with the psychological effects of it. I've never been able to pursue further education in a bricks and mortar setting for fear of being bullied and mocked My 1st psych admission was at the start of my last term at public school, the A level term.Hence no A levels and no degree.
My self belief and sense of self worth is gossamer thin. Ditto my self confidence. If I do well at something my mind says 'everyone can'. If I do badly at something then I'm stupid.
Primary/Junior shoool were ok for me because there were lots of kids that lived near me and it was quite a small school. Secondary school was hell. Of course this was the 1980's and I had no idea about ADHD and ASC. I was always diffrent, a bit slow on the uptake, didn't do verbal instructions well, I seemed to be a bully magnet. I needed glasses but didn't want another thing to stand out so I struggled through lessons not being able to see well.
It was never particually physical bulling, more phsylogical. I was good at Geography, science and history and in those classes I was ok as I was with the better kids. However at Maths and English I was rubbish and was in the midle class where all my bullies seemed to lurk. The teachers were apalling, it was a run down school on a big council estate. I would go from having a OK morning to then have a afternoon of being bullied. Stuff like sitting behind me and pushing my chair across the floor, things being thrown at me, , bullies trying to get me in trouble etc. I have purged secondary school from my mind. Yet when I left and went to work I loved it as I worked with decient adults. Right through my childhood I perfered the company of adults.
You are not alone in your struggles. I didn't do well at school, I was very average and nobody really noticed me. Never went on to work any high paid jobs, and now at 54 I just want to retire, after 35 years I am burnt out.
Rob