Published on 12, July, 2020
Were any of you bullied as children/teenagers? I was subjected to mild mocking/teasing at prep school, but that was nothing like the severe verbal bullying I was subjected to at public school. I was introverted,shy,badly coordinated and socially awkward/naive. In other . words, not like the usual brash and extremely self confident people that went there. Nearly 50 years later and I still struggle with the psychological effects of it. I've never been able to pursue further education in a bricks and mortar setting for fear of being bullied and mocked My 1st psych admission was at the start of my last term at public school, the A level term.Hence no A levels and no degree.
My self belief and sense of self worth is gossamer thin. Ditto my self confidence. If I do well at something my mind says 'everyone can'. If I do badly at something then I'm stupid.
You just described me! With little differences , I was bullied since I ever remember, but I managed to do the degree finally (I was told by my family that I’m too dumb for that they laughed me off and said that after 1 month I will stop) but then they were shocked to see that I passed everything with high grades. I habe always had the negative narration, if I do well it’s “it’s nothing special” or “could be better” or “others for sure can do it better” but if I do poor, it’s “yeah, like always”! I think my family is partially guilty for that because it was them who told me many time sh*t about me like: you’re not suitable, you can’t live independently, you will not make any good career, what’s wrong with you and of course “you’re too dumb” don’t even try you gonna fail. And now they wonder why I have negative self talk and low self esteem. Well, if the artist made an ugly picture, the picture is ugly. It will not fix itself and turn into beautiful one.