Baby

Sorry to hear that he was nasty to you but I think that just shows his character and you are well out of that relationship.  As you say you need to concentrate on your health in the immediate future and just know that you will find a partner when the time is right who will support you.  do be careful what you read online and keep talking to your medical team, they have the best knowledge available.

Sorry to hear that he was so horrible to you but a huge well done for standing up to him. His reaction is  the red flags I saw fluttering now waving like mad in a hurricane. Many people end up trapped for a very long time in abusive relationships because they’ve not stood up to the earlier signs of controlling behaviour. Your medical team are the best to talk to about chemo, yes it does make you feel unwell at the time as it can’t be targeted specifically to the tumour but it can extend your life significantly. Maybe you could also try and find a phone helpline for Macmillan they may be able to send you some information. You have to be very careful what you read online there is a lot of dangerous misinformation about natural cancer treatments 

I'm really sorry he reacted that way but I think that's proof because if he really cared about you he wouldn't say things like that and treat you that way.

Now you can focus on your health and when you recover you'll be able to find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

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Without sounding unsympathetic... Your better off without someone like that! You need someone who loves and cares for you no matter what. Take time to look after YOU and always make YOURSELF the priority, wish you all the best of luck! Fingers crossed for you! ️

Wow! I am SO incredibly impressed. And feel with you. It seems 2 days ago you posted and here you are standing up for yourself, which is Self-Care 101. But I do know what it feels like to be met with that same response, it's incredibly painful, but please trust me that: Once you cry through it, and some time passes and you can take uninterrupted quality time to think and allow yourself 'be', and you, in turn, delete him from your future, most likely you will feel absolutely no regrets, but a massive sense of relief.

I was in your situation and I did end up pregnant. But without support, I was depressed, overworked, abused, alone. I already had one son and the man I was with was manipulative, cruel, eventually kidnapping my son and left me in severe debt & in the US that meant homeless. I terminated that second pregnancy and I don't regret it. I do have an adult child now (who I wouldn't change for anything) but nothing has been easy. I left his father shortly after that termination and my whole life incrementally got better one step at a time. In fact, today, 20 years later, I am in a way I could've never dreamed! And I'm not middle class, but I am content. I simply had no idea what I was capable of learning, what I was capable of becoming. And all I needed to do was hunt down everything required for self-care including my physiological, psychological, emotional and spiritual health. That started with drawing lines or boundaries and learning to protect my self, my heart, my potential, my core being. 

"Everyone is worthwhile including me". Take ALL the time you need to heal. Sometimes we find ourselves going through motions of life, being motivated by what seems innate or 'natural'. But that wild, natural animalistic nature, when reasoned with, can become disciplined, focused, intentional and inspiring: it takes work and tears. I had to cry so many wrong perspectives out of my thinking. I mean buckets. 

I sincerely hope you can find friendships - a few key good ones who care about helping, healing and invest time in them. We only need a couple really close friends. The opposite of To Dominate is To Connect. Investing in individuals who are giving rather than those who just want to take is no small matter. Learning to walk away from forceful, controlling and domineering humans was difficult at first. These people are not interested in who we are, just using us. Once I learned I could chose who I wanted to be friends with or who I allowed my self to be close to, it was life changing. x

Smiles, it's a really horrible situation, and so upsetting. But you have been brave. That reaction is a reflection of his poor character, and doesn't say anything about you. It sounds like a really good idea to get the nurses to help you; I think that a lot of people wouldn't know what to do in that situation. Many people struggle to make decisions about their own health, so getting your family's perspective might help.

There will be people who care for you, I suspect that over the coming years, you'll be able to find a much nicer partner. I hope things work out for you, best wishes.

I took advice you gave to me and told him that I'm a person and if I say no then I don't want it to happen. He called me a retarded freak and said were threw. So I'm very upset at the moment I wasn't expecting him to say and do that. He literally walked out this morning and he's blocked my number and me on Facebook. I've been crying all day so much I don't like being called mean things. I don't want to be lonely but now I'm alone. Maybe I'll find another man next year if I get better. For now I focus on my health.

I have spoken to my nurses team and they say they can help me talk to family about my health so I think one may come to house tomorrow to talk to everyone. I'm a bit worried about that too be honest. I don't know how everyone's going to react. I don't like it.

Also there's talk about them giving me chemotherapy but I read online that it can make you very sick so I'm not sure if I good idea or not. 

I have been very ill again today though so may be it would be a good idea. I don't know what to do about it.

Smiles, I very rarely advise people about what to do in their relationships, but I agree with the other comments on this thread. Rape is where someone is forcing you to have sex in a way that you don't want. People who love you don't do that. I'm worried that this man is targeting you because of what sounds like your lack of confidence. I'm so sorry that this is happening at the same time as your tumour. I think you need to consider removing yourself from the abusive relationship, which might enable you to focus on what you need to do about your health. Please take care of yourself.

Hi Smiles. I know nothing about relationships really but I do know that it's wrong for someone to do things to you if you don't want them to. You deserve better than that. Make it crystal clear to him that you don't want him to do these things, and if he continues to do so maybe look for somebody else who will treat you properly and respect you 

I'm really sorry about your health. Definitely tell your parents. If I had a daughter I would definitely want to know what she's going through so I could look after her.

Hugs ️

boundaries!

Oh Lord.  I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.  I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

But let's be clear about the boyfriend.  You don't have to be "pinned down and crying" for this to be abusive behaviour on his part.  Possibly, if you're compliant but haven't told him you don't really want sex, one might just about conclude that perhaps he just doesn't realise, but then add the fact that he's removing condoms when you have explicitly said you don't want that!  That is nothing short of a total indifference to your wishes and feelings.  This is something you have said you do not consent to and is therefore a sexual assault.

And no!  He could NOT "do a lot better".  This guy does not deserve you.  The truth is you could do a lot better than him.

As for the hospice, again these are your choices.  Many people want to stay in their own home.  Talk to your team about that.  They should work with you on that.

If you do not consent then it is rape it is as simple as that.

Isn't rape when your pinned down and you crying. It's not like that, it's just he takes off protection and sometimes when I don't feel like it he still wants to do it. I'm never hurt or crying though. I don't really like intercourse because I find it painful but it makes him happy so I do it.

We been together for not very long really but he seems to like me. I like him to its nice not being on my own now but sometimes I feel unhappy I'm not sure why though. It's a bit like I feel like I'm a burden and he could do a lot better. I struggle because of the autism and I miss important things when we speak and he looks annoyed with me. I can be a bit lame sometimes. And I'm mostly a boring girl. 

The tumours are hard to live with but I'm not on my own. I don't have just one nurse there's a team for support and they answer any questions I have. So I'm not going through it alone. I don't feel well at the moment and I've been sick a few times this morning, but my headache isn't to bad so I can't complain. 

Thanks for the advice I'll ask my team for help to tell my family. If I'm lucky they may tell them for me. I'm not sure if I can have the strength to tell them myself. It's going to be so upsetting.

Only thing that bothers me is that my team said in time I may end up in a hospice. I guess that's a sort of hospital. I don't like the sound of that at all. I want to stay home, is my comfort zone.

Hi Cassidy just wanted to say I agree with Plinky, removing or not wearing a condom without your consent is considered rape. Does he try and force you to do other things? Or prevent you from doing other things or talking to people? I can see some red flags fluttering that he is trying to control and coerce you (which is now also a criminal offence which can be tried in court) Sorry to hear about your tumour, are you having any treatment for it? Most if not all cancer treatments and a lot of brain/mental health meds are not compatible with pregnancy. Also if you were considering hormonal contraception to prevent pregnancy that could cause the tumour to grow more depending on which type it is.(pregnancy also can due to the baby’s growth hormones) If you speak to your doctor they’ll be able to help with contraception choices which are suitable but please don’t let your boyfriend force himself on you if you’re not feeling up to it, still rape even though you’re in a relationship.
I also agree with nousername as difficult as the conversation will be you need to tell him and your family about the tumour before your symptoms progress from fainting. Do you have a cancer nurse or any access to charities like macmillan who could help?

I'm concerned about the pressure that this person is putting you under. I don't know how long you have been together but it sounds like still a relatively new relationship? As Plinky said, removing the condom without your consent is legally considered to be rape. You could also catch STIs if he hasn't been screened before starting a sexual relationship with you. 

As for your tumour, perhaps Macmillan can help you to communicate with your family about your prognosis. You don't say whether you are receiving any treatment to try to slow the growth of it and I know tumours can be unpredictable so you may not have been given an accurate timescale, but these are also factors to consider before conceiving. 

Personally, I found having my children one of the hardest parts of my life for various reasons, and I'm not an amazing parent now but I am more than good enough. I'm not passionate about being a mum like some people are and I do struggle with the demands they place on me. I would advise anyone to not make such a decision lightly, and I'm glad you don't seem to be doing that although I'm concerned this person may be forcing you into a situation where that choice is removed. If he continues to behave in this way, please contact someone for advice. I'd start with your GP/nurse if you don't feel a rape centre is right for you.

Hey, obvs I don't know either of you,.but if he can't grasp the fact that it is YOUR choice then well..... I'd show him the door. On another note, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now I'm so sorry to hear that, but it would be good for you to tell someone perhaps you parents? They may be able to help you, also maybe perhaps speak to your Dr, They maybe able to help you explain to your parents. Sorry of that sounded ranty, sounded better in my head, but all down to one my point is.... It's YOUR body and it's YOUR life, and please don't go through this alone. I wish you all the best luck! Always around if you need a chat about anything

Hello

In regards to your boyfriend, how long have you been together? It seems a bit soon for him to be trying to get you pregnant. He may think you will be a great mum, but the decision to get pregnant is yours, and clearly you don’t want to, especially with your current health situation!

I would firstly suggest going to the GP, and talking about contraception. Hopefully you can find something that works well for you.

Secondly, have a chat with your partner. Explain that children aren’t on your list of things to do right now, or even at all. He needs to respect your decisions.

Regarding your health, please open up and tell your parents. They will be glad you told them, trust me. I’m sure you will feel a little better knowing they are there to support you through this.

Thx I'll work on that today.

maybe write it down and either let them read it or read it out to them?

I know right, I had a feeling my health might effect a baby as well. Good point thx.