Baby

If you do not consent then it is rape it is as simple as that.

Isn't rape when your pinned down and you crying. It's not like that, it's just he takes off protection and sometimes when I don't feel like it he still wants to do it. I'm never hurt or crying though. I don't really like intercourse because I find it painful but it makes him happy so I do it.

We been together for not very long really but he seems to like me. I like him to its nice not being on my own now but sometimes I feel unhappy I'm not sure why though. It's a bit like I feel like I'm a burden and he could do a lot better. I struggle because of the autism and I miss important things when we speak and he looks annoyed with me. I can be a bit lame sometimes. And I'm mostly a boring girl. 

The tumours are hard to live with but I'm not on my own. I don't have just one nurse there's a team for support and they answer any questions I have. So I'm not going through it alone. I don't feel well at the moment and I've been sick a few times this morning, but my headache isn't to bad so I can't complain. 

Thanks for the advice I'll ask my team for help to tell my family. If I'm lucky they may tell them for me. I'm not sure if I can have the strength to tell them myself. It's going to be so upsetting.

Only thing that bothers me is that my team said in time I may end up in a hospice. I guess that's a sort of hospital. I don't like the sound of that at all. I want to stay home, is my comfort zone.

Hi Cassidy just wanted to say I agree with Plinky, removing or not wearing a condom without your consent is considered rape. Does he try and force you to do other things? Or prevent you from doing other things or talking to people? I can see some red flags fluttering that he is trying to control and coerce you (which is now also a criminal offence which can be tried in court) Sorry to hear about your tumour, are you having any treatment for it? Most if not all cancer treatments and a lot of brain/mental health meds are not compatible with pregnancy. Also if you were considering hormonal contraception to prevent pregnancy that could cause the tumour to grow more depending on which type it is.(pregnancy also can due to the baby’s growth hormones) If you speak to your doctor they’ll be able to help with contraception choices which are suitable but please don’t let your boyfriend force himself on you if you’re not feeling up to it, still rape even though you’re in a relationship.
I also agree with nousername as difficult as the conversation will be you need to tell him and your family about the tumour before your symptoms progress from fainting. Do you have a cancer nurse or any access to charities like macmillan who could help?

I'm concerned about the pressure that this person is putting you under. I don't know how long you have been together but it sounds like still a relatively new relationship? As Plinky said, removing the condom without your consent is legally considered to be rape. You could also catch STIs if he hasn't been screened before starting a sexual relationship with you. 

As for your tumour, perhaps Macmillan can help you to communicate with your family about your prognosis. You don't say whether you are receiving any treatment to try to slow the growth of it and I know tumours can be unpredictable so you may not have been given an accurate timescale, but these are also factors to consider before conceiving. 

Personally, I found having my children one of the hardest parts of my life for various reasons, and I'm not an amazing parent now but I am more than good enough. I'm not passionate about being a mum like some people are and I do struggle with the demands they place on me. I would advise anyone to not make such a decision lightly, and I'm glad you don't seem to be doing that although I'm concerned this person may be forcing you into a situation where that choice is removed. If he continues to behave in this way, please contact someone for advice. I'd start with your GP/nurse if you don't feel a rape centre is right for you.

Hey, obvs I don't know either of you,.but if he can't grasp the fact that it is YOUR choice then well..... I'd show him the door. On another note, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now I'm so sorry to hear that, but it would be good for you to tell someone perhaps you parents? They may be able to help you, also maybe perhaps speak to your Dr, They maybe able to help you explain to your parents. Sorry of that sounded ranty, sounded better in my head, but all down to one my point is.... It's YOUR body and it's YOUR life, and please don't go through this alone. I wish you all the best luck! Always around if you need a chat about anything

Smiles said:

he takes off protection even though I tell him not to. I don't think I want to get pregnant

Do you know… removing a condom during sex without consent is rape.

https://nottssvss.org.uk/consent-coalition/campaigns/removing-a-condom/

Hello

In regards to your boyfriend, how long have you been together? It seems a bit soon for him to be trying to get you pregnant. He may think you will be a great mum, but the decision to get pregnant is yours, and clearly you don’t want to, especially with your current health situation!

I would firstly suggest going to the GP, and talking about contraception. Hopefully you can find something that works well for you.

Secondly, have a chat with your partner. Explain that children aren’t on your list of things to do right now, or even at all. He needs to respect your decisions.

Regarding your health, please open up and tell your parents. They will be glad you told them, trust me. I’m sure you will feel a little better knowing they are there to support you through this.

Thx I'll work on that today.

maybe write it down and either let them read it or read it out to them?

I know right, I had a feeling my health might effect a baby as well. Good point thx.

Hi thx so much. I know I should tell them sooner rather than later but I'm rubbish at social stuff I always have been, I don't know what to say or how to say what has to be sad.

Any ideas on how I could do it?

Look after yourself, first, before considering conception. Any health issues will have a knock on effect on the foetus. 

Welcome to the forum.  Sorry to hear about your condition.  I would say that you should open up to your family and boyfriend about the tumour and get all the help you need to deal with it