Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there I'm Cassidy and I'm need of some advice please.
I have Autism which I do struggle with on a daily basis, don't we all? I mostly struggle with noise, going out, talking and things breaking my usual routine. Somehow I managed to get in a relationship and it's going ok. I don't think I'm an amazing girlfriend but he seems to like me so I guess that's nice.
But recently he's started talking about us having a baby. And I'm not really sure what to do. He tells me I'd be a great mum but I don't think I would. I have meltdowns a lot. And I can't stand babies, nothing personal I just don't like the constant crying and being sick :/ But lately he's getting really pushy and when we have intercourse he takes off protection even though I tell him not to. I don't think I want to get pregnant. There's a lot of factors here working against me. I think I'd be a terrible mum and I've also got a brain tumour which I haven't told anyone about yet. That's something else I need help with. I'm going to die and I don't know how to tell my mum, dad and sisters and brother. It's getting bigger all the time and sometimes I faint. I told my boyfriend the fainting is related to my low vitamin intake.
Not sure what to do about both things.
Isn't rape when your pinned down and you crying. It's not like that, it's just he takes off protection and sometimes when I don't feel like it he still wants to do it. I'm never hurt or crying though. I don't really like intercourse because I find it painful but it makes him happy so I do it.
We been together for not very long really but he seems to like me. I like him to its nice not being on my own now but sometimes I feel unhappy I'm not sure why though. It's a bit like I feel like I'm a burden and he could do a lot better. I struggle because of the autism and I miss important things when we speak and he looks annoyed with me. I can be a bit lame sometimes. And I'm mostly a boring girl.
The tumours are hard to live with but I'm not on my own. I don't have just one nurse there's a team for support and they answer any questions I have. So I'm not going through it alone. I don't feel well at the moment and I've been sick a few times this morning, but my headache isn't to bad so I can't complain.
Thanks for the advice I'll ask my team for help to tell my family. If I'm lucky they may tell them for me. I'm not sure if I can have the strength to tell them myself. It's going to be so upsetting.
Only thing that bothers me is that my team said in time I may end up in a hospice. I guess that's a sort of hospital. I don't like the sound of that at all. I want to stay home, is my comfort zone.
Oh Lord. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.
But let's be clear about the boyfriend. You don't have to be "pinned down and crying" for this to be abusive behaviour on his part. Possibly, if you're compliant but haven't told him you don't really want sex, one might just about conclude that perhaps he just doesn't realise, but then add the fact that he's removing condoms when you have explicitly said you don't want that! That is nothing short of a total indifference to your wishes and feelings. This is something you have said you do not consent to and is therefore a sexual assault.
And no! He could NOT "do a lot better". This guy does not deserve you. The truth is you could do a lot better than him.
As for the hospice, again these are your choices. Many people want to stay in their own home. Talk to your team about that. They should work with you on that.
If he's forcing you to have sex and you don't want to, that is rape.
If he's deciding to make you pregnant without your consent (i.e. taking off the contraception), that is rape.
Information about men taking off condoms without their partner knowing:
nottssvss.org.uk/.../
If you do not consent then it is rape it is as simple as that.