Masking- your thoughts appreciated

I guess vape is safest initially because you can titrate the dose, but my guy makes his own edibles which seem to be very popular. Whenever I give up tobacco I use a sebsi style pipe, but it's not at all "stealthy" for outdoor use.

I was once told that magic mushrooms can open you up to very negative spirtual forces, (A.K.A. demons!), my experience was that it made it next to impossible to tell which gear you had the motorcyle in, and the strong visual hallucinations didn't help my progress either... Ah, the days of being young and stupidly adventurous beyond belief...

ALL drugs both medical and illicit, extract a price from the user as well as conferring the desired benefits. With psychedelics there is enlightenment to be had, but tehre can be horrifically scary times too, and yes I have personal anecdotal evidence that you can make permanant brain changes under the influence of psychedelics.I do think that society should dissuade people from seeking their solutions though drug use, and was very careful not to let my kid know anything about my own drug use until an accident involving a careless collegue forced my hand when she was about 17. She accepted my explanation that I didn't want to influence her postively towards my drug of choice, and my reassurance that it was and is the only thing I've ever purposefully misled her about. I was misled a lot as a child, and I didn't want to do that to MY kid.

There was always one drug that ever since I learned of it in my twenties, I'd always wanted to try. it's called D.M.T. and it was reputed to give you the full on psychedic experience but for a manageably short time, 15-20 minutes. Finally, in my fifties I got the chance... Here's what happened to me..

I smoked the stuff in my own home with a friend to keep an eye out for me, and at a time where I felt O.K. about myself and my place in the world. I had been warned to make dusre I was sitting down as it could be a very abrupt and powerful experience. By the second toke I could feel the happy sensation I always feel at the onset of the psychedelic experience. And I decided to take a walk onto the patio. I was enjoying the feelings and then my eyes alighted on teh very untidy (and long slated for removal) rowan tree. At that moment I knew beyond any possible doubt that that tree loved and cherished me/us. I felt it's unconditional love and affection, and noted how golden and beautiful it's leaves looked... Soon after the drug wore off, and I could see the tree as it really is, not shining and golden, but my relationship to it has been permanently changed. We've had it manicured a couple of times since by professionals, I keep the ivy off it, and occasionally give the roots a bit of my personal nitrogen fertilser supply when no-one is looking, because I know it loves us! 'Been doing it for about 10 years now...  

That's interesting about the cannabis, I tried smoking it a little bit in my youth and found it just made me dopey. Didn't like the feeling. I didn't know I had AS then though.

Don't want to smoke again. What's the safest way,? Vape?

I also tried magic mushrooms once when I was a kid. Had a very bad trip.

I'm not sure if the mushroom incident maybe even changed me slightly, permanently in some way

Don't think I've been diagnosed long enough to take a position on that one about it's.

I will observe them closely from now on though isperg. I like to study these things too

If you channel your own sensitivity, and approach most situations with a good heart, you can win the affections of many normies, particulary if you learn how best to employ humour, and if neccesary cutting humour.

The normies actually LIKE being "pushed around" a bit, it seems to make them feel secure. (They are completely MAD I tell you! No wonder we find them such a challenge. But they are all mad the same way...) Ever since my diagnosis, figuring out how to put them to good use has been a recurrent thing for me. Their psychology fascinates me, they are clearly so easy to manipulate and make jump though hoops compared to us. (Come on, you know really why so many of us are unemployed a lot of the time!)

If the reader can give this comment a thumbs up or thumbs down on it's own merits, independent of whether you like or don't like other things I've said, basing your "vote" on how accurate my assessment of the normie majority is, that would be both educational and interesting for me (and maybe others)  

That is a sort of 'performance anxiety', because so many aspects of socialising, that come subconsciously to neurotypicals, require intellectual input we are 'putting on a show' and are always in fear of forgetting our lines and 'stage directions'.

I love your honesty about yourself. You aren't quite as mean spirted as you think, otherwise you'd not be able to make the admission.

Since I did the first 59 years of life being told by authorities believing I was a normie, I'm not entriely sure where that "mask" ends, and the real me begins. In addition, when I tried cannabis as a kid it had the side effect of people stopped hitting me, which I later realised  also meant I did less stupid sh*t, so apart from the odd time out to check the hypothesis (which rapidly became a theory!) and see if being unstoned was as horrific as I remembered, (it is!) I've kept up the habit to the best of my ability ever since.. And it sure does make me more tolerant, and apparently likeable!

I have always wanted to be the best that I can possibly be. Which is very difficult when peopel are constantly picking a fight with you, or you are doing stupid stuff (my daughhters trick cyclist said it was very possible she got her ADD from me) and getting into trouble.

I've a lot of qualms about my lifestyle, developed as it was whilst I was ignorant of my true condition, but I'm not in the legal or medical systems, I am able to sustain relationships (when I want to leave or throw my *** out of the window I just smoke a stronger reefer and I can't be bothered to make the effort. If people are being horrible to me, yes, you've guessed it, nipping out of the room for a swift bong will bolt on "olympian calm and reasonableness". There's a lot of talk about the issues that come with cannabis, (and to be honest, there's a learning curve even if it does suiit you, and some people really should not as it can cause them a horrible time, (it's rare, but I've seen it and experienced challengiing feelings and ideas) but for me it's a useful life tool, and I really ought to get off my backside and do a bit of campaigning for the legal right to use the stuff for both medical and recreation reasons. 

Maybe organise a PROPER display in memorial park next April 20. Yeah in additoin to being Der Fuehrers birthday, 420 is the vapouriisng pont of THC I'm told (probably in farenheit) and it's "world stoner parade" day! (no-one ever said it was good for ones decision making process. (That's one reason why I give myself "timeouts" to review my decisions and objectives from a "straight" perspective I even did six months as an experiment once! - never again!) 420 day is never a good advert because the only people who will challenge the law openly in such a manner are generally the ones least likely to be able to actually organise anything. The few decent land generally law abiding people I know who use the stuff, are too scared to show themselves, as I have been for many decades. I could do it properly for once. Hand out flyers & put on a bit of a show, that sort of thing..

I wear a plant based mask I guess. (except when doing work or pleasure where the negative effects, outweigh the positives. E.G. flying or customer facing roles, where clearly cannabis use does not work at all well for me. I do have a very effective customer service role mask, where I'm a take charge kinda guy, without making it obvious. I used to judge my sucess on how long it used to take them to offer me a cup of tea after I had made the first visit. 

There is a lot of mainstream misinformation (as well as some absolutely true stuff) about illegal drug use and the users. MOST of the users I have known over the years have had quiet & stable lives, making a positive contribution to society and the workplace, whilst keeping their heads DOWN. Many hate the "double life" so much they eventually quit. I ahev a friend who employed an active heroin addict for about 15 years, he'd balanced his life, his work and the cost of his habit sucessfully, turned up every day to do his days work, and was a valued employee. I'm not so sure he is the rule of course, and I've avoided heroin and it's users for obvious reasons. I once smoked opium* when I threw my back out and conventional anti inflamatories and pain killers were not touching it, and although it obliterated my pain, I really could not be bothered to get out of my bed (which was my main aim in life prior to smoking the opium)  * A guy I knew made the stuff and when he offered me a pea sized lump, I took it and kept it for a rainy day. It had a rubbery aspect and was kept in a drawer for some years before I felt the need to try it out. HOw my guy's man managed to keep getting up to do his job will always be a mystery to me. I can see how people could use it to erase the pain of living, but I'd rather actually be able to get up and DO some living, even if it's in pain. (Mostly, some strains of cannabis can make one enjoy being very lazy, I must admit..)

For balance, and legal reasons, I must point out that my description of illegal drugs and their effects are selective and whilst I would seek to offer my own experience for consideration on it's merits, this should not be construed as a recommendation to break the law. Breaking the LAW is MUCH more dangerous and it's effects more unpredicatable (but always long lasting and negative) than the effect of cannabis

I have a problem with the term 'masking' in that it makes the process seem facile, what is easier than slipping on or off a mask? What we are doing is social adaptation, adapting our behaviour to externally imposed norms. This is much more difficult and requires effort. Everybody has to socially adapt, but, as society is created by and for neurotypical people, they have to make much less effort in adapting than autistics do. This is because our natural modes of behaviour are further away from the social norm. This extra effort is the reason behind the exhaustion many autistics feel when put into situations where socialising is particularly intense or of long duration. I think that the trick is not to stop being socially adaptive, because that would have negative consequences for everyone, but to pace yourself, so that you avoid 'burn-outs'.

Don't suddenly change the way you act in front of other people without explanation, because this will confuse and alienate those who are closest to you. They may even think you're pretending for attention (this happened to me and it was very upsetting). 'Masking' is part of life - everyone has to suppress themselves to some extent, to be 'socially acceptable'. It is only a problem when it becomes completely exhausting or emotionally isolating. Then you should think about carefully 'unmasking' with particular trusted people.

Whether you continue masking is up to you but pay attention to your mental health. Lots of Autistic adults who were diagnosed younger I've listened to shared that once they took the mask off there was a great improvement in their mental health, but on the down side, they'd been masking for so long that once they took the mask off they had forgotten who they really was.

It's your health that matters, if masking doesn't effect your mental health it's up to you. But if you feel like masking is damaging your mental health I would stop. 

Nonautistic people are masking all the time, conformity. It all depends on how masking effects your health.

I have been thinking this a lot lately , I haven’t been diagnosed yet, still a learning curve for me, not that I dislike people but I always feel happier in my own company, I’ve always struggled in social situations never know how to feel or what to do or say, constant feeling someone’s judging me.

I can handle heading out, provided I don't get stressed out driving. But, there are times I wish to go mental.

I could be completely wrong, Moon.  I'm still thinking about this whole part of my life and how it played out. For me, my masking, was (and still is) about avoiding or attracting positive and negative attention.  I tried to suppress the behaviours that I thought attracted negative attention, and I exaggerated the behaviours that I thought attracted positive attention. Needless to say, it rarely worked and was hard to sustain. It felt like trying to hold in a sneeze or stifle a yawn. I had to monitor my every movement, gesture and reaction and compare them to those of others because I was constantly getting comments about not being normal, or being an oddball, or having the wrong reactions to situations. Mostly though, I was considered a fun guy, who could make people laugh. Slowly, I learned which behaviours generated laughter and which ones generated anger. It wasn't an easy way to live. I felt like I was putting on a constant performance.

Don't be too hard on yourself Jazzydave! I'm awaiting diagnostic assessment (I'm in my early 50s) and beginning to realise similar things. I feel I've become more judgemental, mean & angry in recent years and am very disappointed in myself, thinking, this isn't me surely??! But I'm thinking a lot of it is due to being ignored, rejected, talked over, bullied or just not taken seriously for decades - no matter how hard I've tried to mask/camouflage/adapt/fit in. It takes its toll. So it doesn't totally answer your question about whether to drop the mask - but I would say take it slowly and get to know yourself again, don't assume that all of the negative traits are the "real you"! And nothing wrong with being shy!

(I promise to think up a user name and introduce myself properly soon, not good at these things!)

☕Tassimo ☕ said:

masking (or camouflaging) is something I do to cover up my behaviours rather than to cover up my personality traits

This is a pleasing way of explaining that Masked Me is still Me.

I can relate to what a lot of the previous posts have said. For me, it's a case of "choose your battles" and build in recovery time.

For me, masking is part of who I am and I don't know how I would "unmask" as it's so engrained I don't even know I do it half the time.  I mask during the day because I am at work but I want to continue with my job as I enjoy it. (My job choice could also be seen as a type of masking). I mask to a certain extent with friends, but I want to keep seeing them.

In terms of social situations with groups of people - now I'm more aware of who I am, I don't feel as much like I have to mask (ie carrying on regardless keeping up with the conversation and expending so much energy - I'm being a bit kinder to myself and understand I can take a break!) but there is still an element of masking in order to get by.

Things which I am starting to unmask with are my emotions (or managing them / trying to hide things less) because I have seen this has been detrimental to my mental health in the past. I'm also starting to creep out of my shell and say things which are on my mind more now (I'm usually quite controntation-averse but this might just be an age thing I don't know!). I'm less willing to tolerate things which give me sensory difficulties as I know I don't have to put up with them.

Thanks moon,  sounds like I'll have to do the same.

If I totally unmask, I'll have zero friends. Lol.   

Move out of town sounds like a good idea if you an possibly swing it

Hi Jazz, my understanding (which is limited on this topic) is that my masking (or camouflaging) is something I do to cover up my behaviours rather than to cover up my personality traits. I'm open and generous (the opposite to being mean-spirited), often too open and too generous. But, I put that down to my personality and not my autism. 

Masking for me, for example, has been a need to hide my stims (my self-soothing behaviours) or to make them less obvious in certain situations so as not to appear odd in front of other people. I've also hidden my anger and frustration when my routines are interrupted or changed, and when people don't keep to their agreements, or they are late, or they don't show up for appointments. I've also copied people and imitated how they react in these situations so as not to appear over the top or weird. 

Recently, I've had to hide some of my fixations from people (especially when I don't know them) because they find it odd when I quote lines from TV shows, songs or movies as a way of responding to them.  I will often relate things that happen in my life to an episode of my favourite TV show or movie, or to the lyrics in a song.   Before my diagnosis, I didn't mask this behaviour because I didn't see it as odd. But since my diagnosis, I've learned that it can appear odd to neurotypical people and so I make an effort not to do it with people I don't know.. 

Also, another thing I've had to cover up in my jobs and relationships are the effects of overstimulation (I have an extreme sensitivity to noise and the feel of certain things against my skin). But this was prior to me knowing that this was related to autism. Now, I'm quite open about it.

Hi. I'm diagnosed around 50 also.

Since then I tried to mask less around other people... but realised it just won't work for me - it just feels...  wrong, and fraught with possibility for misunderstanding.

I think I benefit far more from my interactions with the NT world when masked - and I certainly enjoy them more.

However, like many autists I find masking extremely exhausting, and now that I realise I'm doing it, it feels like picking up a heavy weight whenever I have to don it to face the world.

The only person who really sees behind my mask is my wife - and that's only because I can't wear it 24/7 and her poor health means I am very rarely alone. I would prefer her to see the chilled, composed masked me, but we are where we are.

My #1 life priority now is to move to the country and ensure I spend more time alone than in any company. *** knows how I'll make it happen though.

Thanks Jenny I'll try that.

It's all a bit new and confusing at the moment.

I'll have a look at that

Well, I think the mask develops for a reason and that reason is often to keep you safe.  So I'd suggest simply being aware of it and gauging which situations are genuinely unsafe or uncomfortable for you and which, if you'd like to, it might feel OK to be your authentic self.

I certainly wouldn't advise unmasking suddenly and in all circumstances as this probably carries too many risks for you.  But maybe it's be useful to evalute how much energy you're putting into masking and whether this is damaging to you in the long run.  What I'm doing (as a late-diagnosed woman) is gradually opening up more "safe" zones in my life, as otherwise the excessive masking could lead to burnout (look at the work of Kieran Rose, The Autistic Advocate for more on this).  A bit of a balancing act, yes, but it it also helps to head off major distress for me.