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Masking- your thoughts appreciated

Jazzydave
over 3 years ago

Hi all, would appreciate your thoughts on this.

As a recently diagnosed older person, I am now starting to realize, after reading a lot of other People's stuff on this site, that I have been masking more or less my whole life.

Some say you should drop the mask now that you know you have as, and show your real self.

I have given this a lot of thought over the last few days, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea- for me anyway.

The masking I've developed over the last 50 years or so seems to get me bye, and is more or less socially acceptable (when I can keep it up, which is most of the time)

But when I really look at the 'real' me, I don't think it would be a good idea to show myself.

The real me doesn't seem to like others (in the main), and can be mean spirited, shy and recluse and judgemental.

Is this real me what autism is? 

If so should I carry on with the masking, and try to subdue the real me?

Does anyone else think this

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Jazz, my understanding (which is limited on this topic) is that my masking (or camouflaging) is something I do to cover up my behaviours rather than to cover up my personality traits. I'm open and generous (the opposite to being mean-spirited), often too open and too generous. But, I put that down to my personality and not my autism. 

    Masking for me, for example, has been a need to hide my stims (my self-soothing behaviours) or to make them less obvious in certain situations so as not to appear odd in front of other people. I've also hidden my anger and frustration when my routines are interrupted or changed, and when people don't keep to their agreements, or they are late, or they don't show up for appointments. I've also copied people and imitated how they react in these situations so as not to appear over the top or weird. 

    Recently, I've had to hide some of my fixations from people (especially when I don't know them) because they find it odd when I quote lines from TV shows, songs or movies as a way of responding to them.  I will often relate things that happen in my life to an episode of my favourite TV show or movie, or to the lyrics in a song.   Before my diagnosis, I didn't mask this behaviour because I didn't see it as odd. But since my diagnosis, I've learned that it can appear odd to neurotypical people and so I make an effort not to do it with people I don't know.. 

    Also, another thing I've had to cover up in my jobs and relationships are the effects of overstimulation (I have an extreme sensitivity to noise and the feel of certain things against my skin). But this was prior to me knowing that this was related to autism. Now, I'm quite open about it.

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Jazz, my understanding (which is limited on this topic) is that my masking (or camouflaging) is something I do to cover up my behaviours rather than to cover up my personality traits. I'm open and generous (the opposite to being mean-spirited), often too open and too generous. But, I put that down to my personality and not my autism. 

    Masking for me, for example, has been a need to hide my stims (my self-soothing behaviours) or to make them less obvious in certain situations so as not to appear odd in front of other people. I've also hidden my anger and frustration when my routines are interrupted or changed, and when people don't keep to their agreements, or they are late, or they don't show up for appointments. I've also copied people and imitated how they react in these situations so as not to appear over the top or weird. 

    Recently, I've had to hide some of my fixations from people (especially when I don't know them) because they find it odd when I quote lines from TV shows, songs or movies as a way of responding to them.  I will often relate things that happen in my life to an episode of my favourite TV show or movie, or to the lyrics in a song.   Before my diagnosis, I didn't mask this behaviour because I didn't see it as odd. But since my diagnosis, I've learned that it can appear odd to neurotypical people and so I make an effort not to do it with people I don't know.. 

    Also, another thing I've had to cover up in my jobs and relationships are the effects of overstimulation (I have an extreme sensitivity to noise and the feel of certain things against my skin). But this was prior to me knowing that this was related to autism. Now, I'm quite open about it.

Children