Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, would appreciate your thoughts on this.
As a recently diagnosed older person, I am now starting to realize, after reading a lot of other People's stuff on this site, that I have been masking more or less my whole life.
Some say you should drop the mask now that you know you have as, and show your real self.
I have given this a lot of thought over the last few days, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea- for me anyway.
The masking I've developed over the last 50 years or so seems to get me bye, and is more or less socially acceptable (when I can keep it up, which is most of the time)
But when I really look at the 'real' me, I don't think it would be a good idea to show myself.
The real me doesn't seem to like others (in the main), and can be mean spirited, shy and recluse and judgemental.
Is this real me what autism is?
If so should I carry on with the masking, and try to subdue the real me?
Does anyone else think this
Well, I think the mask develops for a reason and that reason is often to keep you safe. So I'd suggest simply being aware of it and gauging which situations are genuinely unsafe or uncomfortable for you and which, if you'd like to, it might feel OK to be your authentic self.
I certainly wouldn't advise unmasking suddenly and in all circumstances as this probably carries too many risks for you. But maybe it's be useful to evalute how much energy you're putting into masking and whether this is damaging to you in the long run. What I'm doing (as a late-diagnosed woman) is gradually opening up more "safe" zones in my life, as otherwise the excessive masking could lead to burnout (look at the work of Kieran Rose, The Autistic Advocate for more on this). A bit of a balancing act, yes, but it it also helps to head off major distress for me.
Thanks Jenny I'll try that.
It's all a bit new and confusing at the moment.
I'll have a look at that