Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, would appreciate your thoughts on this.
As a recently diagnosed older person, I am now starting to realize, after reading a lot of other People's stuff on this site, that I have been masking more or less my whole life.
Some say you should drop the mask now that you know you have as, and show your real self.
I have given this a lot of thought over the last few days, and I'm not sure if it's a good idea- for me anyway.
The masking I've developed over the last 50 years or so seems to get me bye, and is more or less socially acceptable (when I can keep it up, which is most of the time)
But when I really look at the 'real' me, I don't think it would be a good idea to show myself.
The real me doesn't seem to like others (in the main), and can be mean spirited, shy and recluse and judgemental.
Is this real me what autism is?
If so should I carry on with the masking, and try to subdue the real me?
Does anyone else think this
I have a problem with the term 'masking' in that it makes the process seem facile, what is easier than slipping on or off a mask? What we are doing is social adaptation, adapting our behaviour to externally imposed norms. This is much more difficult and requires effort. Everybody has to socially adapt, but, as society is created by and for neurotypical people, they have to make much less effort in adapting than autistics do. This is because our natural modes of behaviour are further away from the social norm. This extra effort is the reason behind the exhaustion many autistics feel when put into situations where socialising is particularly intense or of long duration. I think that the trick is not to stop being socially adaptive, because that would have negative consequences for everyone, but to pace yourself, so that you avoid 'burn-outs'.