Masking- your thoughts appreciated

Yeah policy change is fun, it seems as soon as you toss out the Normie rule book they get very worried. 

We have years of practice of playing their rules, our rules with the reliance on reality over perception completely screw them up because its just hard fact, you can't sugar coat it, you either own it or well there isn't an or. 

I don't think you need to worry about starting an autism army it's coming slowly, if the genetic testing works out there may be a lot more of us than anyone realises and they'll be what someone once described as "high value Aspies".

My lad was emotionally abused by someone who thought they could punish the autism out of him, I'm using his experience to force changes throughout the education system, the choice is simple for all involved if they do nothing they risk a historic child abuse scandal because whilst it might be on the boundaries of acceptability now all the evidence is preserved and it won't stay that way forever.

I genuinely got "on paper we're doing it right" as an explanation, the mentality of NT numpties can be incredible sometimes.   

Think you could be onto something there isperg.

When I finally had to admit there was indeed a very real chance I may get old, I started looking for training materials. I found them in the excellent Television series "one foot in the grave" where that most exellent Victor Meldrew teaches us how to approach the world, and fight back even form a position of zero power or "leverage", by hurling fizzing grenades of chaos at those who would stand in our way!

Finding out I was Autistic was just the icing on the cake!

I have already directly altered policy at the govenrmental level by a series of well crafted emails..

The power of being an intelligent determined complaining ***, with a really good mask of earnest helpfulness and intelligent suggestions is like having the rocket launcher in doom!

Autism is a weird kind of power as much as it is a disabilty..

Now go watch a couple of episodes of Victor Meldrew's revolutionary training films and make the change you are looking for. Throw in reading "the hidden persuaders" to give your email a bit of penetration, and voila, the suits are dancing (at least a tiny bit) to your tune... 

I hope someone "gets" what I'm laying out here..

I can't believe the power that atypical thinking applied kindly and intelligently to the normie condition has. But I ended up guiding the production of some laws recently! POWER!! BWoahahaaa! 

There is an actual yellow and black plastic "Autism card" which I carry everywhere I go, (and if I EVER get arrested again there is a 57 page set of instructions that will arrive at the police station (which I got from here THANK YOU N.A.S.) very quickly after I do. That's raw naked power that is! Useless, admittedly, because I never expect I will do anything that involves interacting with the wonderful police force again in my lifetime, except complaining and telling them what they should be doing, as I like to do. (The life I lead is WAY more fun than being antisocial or a criminal) When I've fought the law it's because they got something wrong, and unlike the pop song, they did not win.

The point is not that the card, which at best makes the police treat you a bit more carefully, which is great for you if they are out of order but will probaly not help you at all if you actually chucked the brick though the window, is really useful that way, but the "Autism card" can legitimately be used to blunt the attack of a collegue in the meeting at work, because you can instantly call for a time out to process and translate (our thinknig is of vey good quality with great depth sometimes, but it ain't fast!) This approach nullifies the  normies usual way of marginalising you, (faster thinking and greater eloquence) at a stroke whilst enhancing your advantages, deep and leftfield thinking, and of course gives you temporary conrtrol of the situation.. 

If I make good on my idea of starting an Autism Army, we will be a real force to contend with, oo yar!! 

My "mask"/"personality"  has always included mixing honesty with humour, and a little "hyperbole" It still serves me well...

I hear what you're saying longspoons.

I was kind of thinking along those lines myself.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know what is the original you and which is the scarred you. Especially if diagnosed late in life. Old grey cells don't work as well.lol

I know it's been said here already but building out safe bubbles where you don't need to apply all your coping mechanisms seems a great compromise between needing to stay safe and needing to be yourself, I'd even go as far as developing a timetable to come out. 

I'm also not a fan of using the spectrum language, it diminishes the work we put in, if I have to explain I'll say I'm Autistic, exactly what the trait is and what I do to manage it, if I need to I'll explain what I need people to do but I don't tend to put myself in a position to need other people to behave in a certain way. 

Possibly the "real you" is a reaction to a negative environment, certainly a good level of contempt helps with some folks, maybe if you can build that safe space you'll find another you burried under another layer of armour.  

I did some sales training which was basically how to switch a normie onto autopilot, it's not that they are mad as such but their brains really are averse to thinking. There are loads of cool tricks you can do where they say things that are clearly wrong but they just can't switch on enough to see it.

For example;

So if a bat and a ball together cost £1.10 and then bat costs £1 more than the ball how much does a ball cost?

I’ve been told I’m eccentric 

As I understand it, it's putting on a mask to try to blend in with neurotypical people.

As an aspie you might naturally act in a certain way, but you learn through bitter experience in life that NT people react badly to the natural you. They either think your a bit crackers, weird or difficult/awkward to make a few.

So to make life easier for you and them, you put on the mask and try to behave more NT.

The problem with this is it's extremely draining for us.

I find it more and more so as I get older

What is masking?  I’m not sure that I do it or have done it.

Sounds like that would make sense, putting them in your class.

I wonder if aspires somehow recognise each other on some subconscious level? 

Sometimes you do meet people that you immediately bond with, and now I've started looking at this through the aspire lense, I think a lot of them could be on the spectrum

After 60+ years of living as a nerdy, eccentric, 'normie' I've come to the conclusion that the average neurotypical spends almost as much of their lifetime masking as we do. They behave in very different ways in different circumstances. Is the Tom or Sally you know at work the same person as the one they are in church? at home? at the in-laws. Is the barrister keen to have her Abba collection on show when her colleagues come around for dinner? Which one of these selves is their real self? Is an authentic self even a reality? Do they get as tired doing it as we do? No idea now that it seems I've never just been one of the weirder members of the NT tribe. (off topic side note: maybe I should have guessed I was somewhere on the spectrum when all the 'aspie' students were always placed in my math / science classes on the basis that I seemed to "understand them way better than the rest of us do"?)

Lol. Think that tells us something eh

I hope you don't mind how o/t I seem to have lead your thread, JD!

My most appalling morning glory seeds experience ened up with me hearing the grapping hooks ebedding themsleves in the windowsill as the hells angels group turned up to avenge one of my many earlier misdeeds. I KNEW I was imagining it, but I could hear the bikes and them rapelling up the wall outside my bedroom. I really came close to waking up my parents that day, but in the nick of time remebred the true love of my life, Kate Bush, and put on one of her nicer albums and some pretty lights and went back to enjoying the experience until I finally fell asleep..  

I've acquired enough knowledge of the hidden complexities of existence in the context of human nature to believe that demons are (if not actually "real") a metaphor for certain aspects of life, where conventional thinking does not allow one to prevail an keep one's balance. Curiously enough, someone who fits the classical definition of being plagued with demons, can obtain relief by doing the rituals that are reputed to repel demons! My forays into the occult matters have been very careful probing affairs, just enough to establish the veracity of certain concepts, but always being mindful that occult investigators seem to be even more populated with the "unhinged" than drugs investigators..    

Wise words isperg.

I may try the cannabis again to see if it helps with the anxiety ect.

I used to drink quite a bit, normally in pubs and I think that was largely due to some sort of masking, trying to fit in.

Strange how you see these things differently with a diagnosis

I have not. I vaguely remember a chrysanthemum being mentioned but didn't encounter that either. In all fairness I don't think I had a very subsantial dose of D.M.T. For me it was a nice and gentle experience and not as visual as some of my early life morning glory seeds visions, nor did it last the 18 hours that is the longest "Trip" I ever took on morning glory seeds. (I even managed to sleep though the middle of it and woke up still "tripping balls").

From what I can gather, I took enormous risks of long term damage when I was a young man for a few months and suffered very little compared to say, Sid Barret of Pink Floyd who broke his brain with LSD rather famously.

I didn't get "flashbacks" either. I did learn by rote before hand the mantra of "this is the effects of a drug and if I just sit still and do nothing it will pass, and therefore I can safely enjoy the experience, no matter how scary it seems". And I found that a piece of me therefore could remain detached from the action as it were, and "having a plan" always helps with exploration!

I must say, that Cannabis use did seem to cost me the abilty to do transcendental menditation as well as I used to be able to, and instead of being able to use that technique for "exploration" I found I tended to fall asleep instead.. That has always worried me.

My path to recovery from the damage I took as a child was -Antisocial Risk taking criminal behaviour, to personal criminal risk taking, to personal endangerment  misdemeanour level risk taking in ever reducing portions.

I stuck with the cannabis, because it seemed to have helped me find that path, and generally become a more positive and useful member of society. I have wondered if I were a psychopath in the past, and have self-taken the hare test just to find  out. I truend out of course to posess not such an exciting peronality...I was indeed criminally versatile as a child & teenager, but the pot put an end to all that, by allowing me to see my actions from a bigger perspective, which included that of those affected by my actions.  

I am in the invidious situation of judging myself to have benefitted quite a bit from my forays into illicit drug use, but also suspecting that Ive been unusually lucky in the outcome. I tell my drug stories for context, and to offset the hugely negative propaganda that makes discovering your kid with a bit of weed a terrifying experience for most parents and criminalises a legitimate recreational activity, drug augmented self exploration. 

Addiction is a BIG problem with drugs. And it's simple.

If you have an experience that feels or even IS really, really good you will want to do it again.  With some drugs that is a really really bad idea, but no one really knows exactly which drugs are likely to get a grip on which people, so making accurate "never take this!" safety rules are inpossible. 

Drugs like drink are obviously best sampled infrequently. But when the addict derives a lasting benefit that really seems to make their life easier, and for me cannabis HAS done that, why in gods name would they ever want to stop takiing the stuff? 

I suspect the problem is vastly greater for normies than it is for us... 

love it.

The things we do eh.

Yeah I definitely got the demon's. Very very scarry. My parents had to get doctor out at 2am. And even after he left, I would not leave there bedroom. Slept next to their bed all night

Did you meet the infamous "Machine elves" when you smoked DMT. Have you heard/read about that?

Ah, allow me to bring it back in by saying that my medicinal use of cannabis is gradually allowing me to reduce my masking.  Plus, while very relaxed from it, I also seem to be gaining more perspective and more insight into some of my long established coping mechanisms. 

This includes masking but also my attempts to self medicate for severe social anxiety using alcohol.  Plus the alcohol enabled me to mask with greater confidence, at least for a while, to the detriment of what might be thought of as the real self inside.  

Somehow, with cannabis I feel more in touch with myself and less tempted to play to the audience.  There are some (untenable) projections of a false me that need dismantling!

Yep. Smoking it particulary with tobacco is a very poor way to experience cannabis, but it is most people's introduction to it. After my diagnosis and because I am really poor by modern standards (and am in an intermittently parlous living situation, so having some regular money might be a bit helpful) I sought advice from the C.A.B.

After reviewing all my options, their first suggestion was that I find a partner with whom I could have a more prosperous and stable life, and when I declined that, the only other lifestyle change they could suggest was that I stop paying for my six montly haircuts, and grow my own. (I never hide my cannabis use except at job interviews, and in the workplace until the other pot users recognise one of their own). Sorry, I just realsied that this is hideously off topic, I'd better shut up!.  

Love the tree story!

And just to chip in on the subject of cannabis, my own preference (portability, discretion and enjoyment) is for edibles.  Joining my local cannabis club was one of my best pre-pandemic decisions because it meant I had some useful contacts during lockdown.    

The weird thing for me is that cannabis isn't what I thought it was.  As a student I once took a big draw on my boyfriend's joint and felt instantly sick and faint.  Didn't recover for some time and never forgot that experience.  That was in the early 80s and I hadn't tried it again since.  

Then, in the cannabis club, I met someone selling candy balls in a variety of strengths and flavours and ever-so-cautiously tried a blackcurrant one.  Deliciously blackcurranty with a herby edge.  And a gentle long lasting effect that I didn't even notice for an hour or so.  So relaxed and slept so well!

 Since then I've experimented with the dosage (those first sweets were 10mg THC each) and have grown in confidence.  Plus discovered they also help reduce the pain associated with a long term health condition.  

All a revelation to me.  Particularly since I only went to the club to get a safer supply for my son.