Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to reach out and ask... how have people found the world of dating? Or those who have had relationships or are in one, how did it actually happen for you?
My dating history hasn’t been great so far and especially with me being of an age where lots of my friends are getting married, buying houses together and having kids, it adds to my anxiety that my life is basically stuck at the start. I don’t live in a great location for social opportunities and realistically I’m going to have a partner 40 miles away but I am ok with that. Some friends have suggested to move away to widen my pool of people but I really don’t think I could cope with that since it would be a massive change and right now I need a lot of family support.
Obviously while the coronavirus is a thing physically meeting people is going to be tricky but me and my mum both agree that there’s no reason why me and a date couldn’t just sit in a park at a distance from each other and chat. It isn’t a complete blocker. But in the current climate I think dating sites are really the only way forward, though I am open to suggestions.
So far I’ve registered on two, which my mum has been great supporting me with as I lack confidence. Not sure if I’m allowed to mention them but I have serious doubts about them. One has so few people on it and the people I’ve been matched with don’t seem very active. The other seems more active generally but there are few people near me and there’s no way of telling when they were last on, and wouldn’t be surprised if they are not active themselves.
There seems to be so few quality sites set up for autistic people and I’m nervous about entering the mainstream ones. Or needn’t I be? I really want to be with someone who understands me and I think definitely that common ground of autism has to be a good thing?
I also wondered about the agency they use on The Undateables, but wonder how useful this would be in the current climate (really wish this virus would go away!!!). Any thoughts, anyone?
You can post them and i may or may not decide to answer them.
Sorry! I didn't realise.
Dear RKJ,
I have locked your other thread about research for creating a dating app as it contravenes one of the Community Rules. Please keep the discussion general here please and do not share personal details such as an email address.
Regards,
Kerri-Mod
How about I just post my questions on the thread that I created and you can answer them with your opinion? As can everyone else.
Thanks for sharing Castle, that’s lovely to hear that you found love.
Ok, I understand that. How can I get you to know that I’m a real person and this is a real thing?
Thanks rkj, that's nice of you to offer but the problem isn't really that I need advice the problem is that I choose not to date now because my asd meant that we were too different. I have no problem attracting people and getting dates but they never work out because of my autistic personality and you can't change who you are, and nor should you come to that.
I met my wife through a dating website and we got married within 6 months and had a daughter together within 18 months. I moved 40 miles to be with her and transfered my job.
I'm not going to lie the change sent my anxiety off big time ended up going to a mental health place to get assessed and recommended CBT not that it really worked all that whilst managing to hold my job down was real tough. I am a very determined person so I will fight my anxieties full on and try and get on with life as best I can.
I cannot stand dating I hate it having to get to know someone I just feel lucky I met my wife and I will always remember how terrified I was when she said she would call me for the first time haha. Thankfully she did all the talking as I just froze.
She is stunning and I think if it wasn't for my looks that my personality might not have been enough at the beginning I don't know but were are happily married.
Good luck with the dating.
Keep hope alive. Someone else will be along soon. Men love women so there's that.
I'm going to go with no as you could be anyone.
I completely understand Unirella. What if it were easier to meet other people on the spectrum and you could get advice on dating? Please be a part of my focus group so I can create something that works well for people on the spectrum. If you’re comfortable with helping (all I require is a little of your time), can you email me and I can provide further details: [email address removed by Moderator]
Thank you
Great Malojian, thank you! Can you email me and I will respond with further details : [email address removed by Moderator]
I found dating complicated and awkward. It was a disaster from start to finish, no wonder he didn't ask me for a second date.
I may be interested.
Hi everyone, I read this original post and the replies from everyone. I am a mum of an autistic boy and an advocate of people with autism - yes it is difficult and challenging at times, but people on the spectrum are also some of the best I know! I am going to create an app for dating and meeting people on the spectrum. So here's what I want to ask - would you all be interested in becoming my focus group? It means I would take some time to speak with you to understand what you would want from this app. I realise some people may have anxiety at the thought of this, but I would really love anyone who feels comfortable to do this. I will not require anything but your time to connect on a call. Reply to this thread if you could help me and I'll share next steps. Ultimately, the goal is to help the autistic community in love and friendship.
Try a forum that’s related to your special interested. Almost certainly the other users will be mostly aspies undiagnosed and unaware they’re aspies.
I think what i mean by that is. I don't like selling myself. I don't like advertising. I don't like all these braggarts that you get everywhere when you go out there. The ego has landed. All that. These are the successful people because they draw others to them like bright stars. But i can't lie like that. Well not Can't. I don't want to. I might have found someone else now anyway. Very early stages but they like me for me. Rather than some sunshiney picture of me that i could paint. So we'll see how that goes.
just wedded to honesty
Well, me too. I'm devoted to that partner even if most of the world doesn't see its appeal. Principles and reservations (even about what someone does for a living) have been a barrier to getting too close to other humans, but once in a relationship honesty becomes a strength.
Is giving off the 'right signals' a matter of 'confidence', or is that just how it seems to the outside world? Does it require dishonesty?
I am happy if i just get a like on a dating site tbh. I may not date me either as i'm currently in a vulnerable state. I'm too ground down by life to give off the right signals even though i know what they are. Also a big part of me is just wedded to honesty. I'm in love with the purity of honesty. And committed to being me rather than someone else. I could play the game better but as the game has no value to me, i'd rather not. I do think that as ASD people though we can get too wedded to copying the rules of NTs literally. Life is a broad spectrum and you are here on earth so you are a part of it. Whether you're single or not. You Belong.
You work as someone who is 35 years old I find it very difficult to make friends to the point I have none...!!
and I am also a single bisexual that finds it hard to get into the later ships with anybody because I don't know how to engage or how to communicate with NT'S and my fellow autistics with most of my relationships with them can be on and off on and off with some indeed for the silliest and the most ridiculous of things...!!
I really think what we need is we need to see more autistics trying to push against the grain trying to be out and about and trying to socialise a good place to do this and to try meet with others autistics and to keep your eyes open and to try and meet other people when it goes back to normal after the the covid-19 outbreak is McDonald's and KFC at Jamaica Street in Glasgow city centre...!!
I tried a while back to start a social group where I advertised it on Facebook to invite people between 10:30 and 11:30 at night to meet socially within McDonald's on Jamaica Street Glasgow the reason doing this is it's in the evening and also gives good time for people to get the buses home safely from the city centre...!!
I also considered the evening to be a better time because I know a lot of people with autism can suffer from sleeping disorders like insomnia as well as other conditions I myself can relate to this with having severe insomnia and having dish cookies with sleep due to body pain throughout my body due to sensory issues and problems with sleep so I believed in the evening it would be good to meet for an hour and then allows people to get home safely and get to bed in the evening can be more atmospheric and I just don't like it being too bright during the day and it just seems more comfortable more welcoming send them indoors in the evening that is during the day and it was to bring people together to talk about their interest learn from each other and try to create a free non-profit ing non-managed but social group that brings all sorts of autistics on the spectrum together to socialise and make friends and support groups and networks that they can learn from and can help each other well making friends...!!
so when everything gets back to normal in the city centre of Glasgow keep your eyes open in McDonald's for people who are sitting about being sociable and just try and ask if you could join the table during the conversation see where it goes because there's a good philosophy every stranger is a possible friend all it takes is you to make the first steps to trigger the beginning of a friendship that could possibly be lifelong....!!
we need to be braver we need to have courage and we need to push ourselves because life isn't easy even for NT's so we need to try to be braver with her emotions and try to have courage and sometimes maybe we need to try and push and try to speak to people and try and start the first steps to beginning conversations socializing and starting the beginning of friendships...!!