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Relationships and dating as an autistic person

Ash
over 3 years ago

I wanted to reach out and ask... how have people found the world of dating? Or those who have had relationships or are in one, how did it actually happen for you?

My dating history hasn’t been great so far and especially with me being of an age where lots of my friends are getting married, buying houses together and having kids, it adds to my anxiety that my life is basically stuck at the start. I don’t live in a great location for social opportunities and realistically I’m going to have a partner 40 miles away but I am ok with that. Some friends have suggested to move away to widen my pool of people but I really don’t think I could cope with that since it would be a massive change and right now I need a lot of family support.

Obviously while the coronavirus is a thing physically meeting people is going to be tricky but me and my mum both agree that there’s no reason why me and a date couldn’t just sit in a park at a distance from each other and chat. It isn’t a complete blocker. But in the current climate I think dating sites are really the only way forward, though I am open to suggestions.

So far I’ve registered on two, which my mum has been great supporting me with as I lack confidence. Not sure if I’m allowed to mention them but I have serious doubts about them. One has so few people on it and the people I’ve been matched with don’t seem very active. The other seems more active generally but there are few people near me and there’s no way of telling when they were last on, and wouldn’t be surprised if they are not active themselves.

There seems to be so few quality sites set up for autistic people and I’m nervous about entering the mainstream ones. Or needn’t I be? I really want to be with someone who understands me and I think definitely that common ground of autism has to be a good thing?

I also wondered about the agency they use on The Undateables, but wonder how useful this would be in the current climate (really wish this virus would go away!!!). Any thoughts, anyone?

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    Hi .. dating with ASD/AS is really tough .. we're all special here and NTs often don't appreciate our gifts ..

    I've had more or less zero success with dating sites - they're all based on superficial characteristics anyway - and most NTs are way too shallow to understand us wonderfully complex, deep-thinking AS people :-) ..

    I've built the best connections with people (both M and F) through getting involved with local projects or volunteering or activism or simply through joining nerdy groups focussed on my particular interests ..

    As they say - the best way to find someone who likes doing the things you like is by getting in amongst other people who are already doing the things you like.

    There are some very interesting and helpful articles and YouTube videos on this tricky subject - maybe by Googling you'd find something useful there ...

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Up t'North

    thank you I’ll see what groups I can find on Meetup, though it’s anybody’s guess as to when they will be doing physical meets again!

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Ash

    Try a forum that’s related to your special interested. Almost certainly the other users will be mostly aspies undiagnosed and unaware they’re aspies.

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