Published on 12, July, 2020
I wanted to reach out and ask... how have people found the world of dating? Or those who have had relationships or are in one, how did it actually happen for you?
My dating history hasn’t been great so far and especially with me being of an age where lots of my friends are getting married, buying houses together and having kids, it adds to my anxiety that my life is basically stuck at the start. I don’t live in a great location for social opportunities and realistically I’m going to have a partner 40 miles away but I am ok with that. Some friends have suggested to move away to widen my pool of people but I really don’t think I could cope with that since it would be a massive change and right now I need a lot of family support.
Obviously while the coronavirus is a thing physically meeting people is going to be tricky but me and my mum both agree that there’s no reason why me and a date couldn’t just sit in a park at a distance from each other and chat. It isn’t a complete blocker. But in the current climate I think dating sites are really the only way forward, though I am open to suggestions.
So far I’ve registered on two, which my mum has been great supporting me with as I lack confidence. Not sure if I’m allowed to mention them but I have serious doubts about them. One has so few people on it and the people I’ve been matched with don’t seem very active. The other seems more active generally but there are few people near me and there’s no way of telling when they were last on, and wouldn’t be surprised if they are not active themselves.
There seems to be so few quality sites set up for autistic people and I’m nervous about entering the mainstream ones. Or needn’t I be? I really want to be with someone who understands me and I think definitely that common ground of autism has to be a good thing?
I also wondered about the agency they use on The Undateables, but wonder how useful this would be in the current climate (really wish this virus would go away!!!). Any thoughts, anyone?
I am happy if i just get a like on a dating site tbh. I may not date me either as i'm currently in a vulnerable state. I'm too ground down by life to give off the right signals even though i know what they are. Also a big part of me is just wedded to honesty. I'm in love with the purity of honesty. And committed to being me rather than someone else. I could play the game better but as the game has no value to me, i'd rather not. I do think that as ASD people though we can get too wedded to copying the rules of NTs literally. Life is a broad spectrum and you are here on earth so you are a part of it. Whether you're single or not. You Belong.
just wedded to honesty
Well, me too. I'm devoted to that partner even if most of the world doesn't see its appeal. Principles and reservations (even about what someone does for a living) have been a barrier to getting too close to other humans, but once in a relationship honesty becomes a strength.
Is giving off the 'right signals' a matter of 'confidence', or is that just how it seems to the outside world? Does it require dishonesty?
I think what i mean by that is. I don't like selling myself. I don't like advertising. I don't like all these braggarts that you get everywhere when you go out there. The ego has landed. All that. These are the successful people because they draw others to them like bright stars. But i can't lie like that. Well not Can't. I don't want to. I might have found someone else now anyway. Very early stages but they like me for me. Rather than some sunshiney picture of me that i could paint. So we'll see how that goes.