Don’t have any friends

Thats really tough, im sorry to hear that. What are your intersts?

No you're not alone,l. I try, even people with similar interests but people just seem to be repelled from me

Its really not just you. I am so lonley.

Every group of friends I had when I was younger are all still friends with each other and not with me and I dont understand why.

I spent years not wanting friends and not caring about not having them but now I really want them again and I cant make them. The only friends I have are online friends. For instance, my two closest friends, one i have never met in 15 years of knowing her and the other I havnt seen for 2 years. They both live on the other side of the world. 

I made a friend at work but i had an autistic meltdown on her and it ruined the friendship. Now she makes excueses not to see me and hardly talks to me. I know I pushed her away cos I've been hurt by so many people that Im terrified of getting close to anyone and I push them away when they get close

I never understand when I'm annoying people and I find having friends so stressful because I cant tell what theyre thinking and I can never read all the social cues everyone else understands so easily.
Im so lonley. I just wish I could have one close friend to spend time with. Not all the time though as I cant cope with seeing people too often and I get really stressed about having to mesage people in the evening when Im home with my family.

Also I feel so much more comfortable around women, most of my closest friends in life have been female. Ive never understood the male macho thing where you have to prove how manly you are all the time and that intimidates me around men 

I'm the same as well, I did have a few friends before things went bad but not a group of friends. I do have acquaintances but have difficulty in trusting people. 

I haven't had a friend for over 20 years as I've spent most of that time sitting in a bedroom. My fear of going out and meeting people has always been a problem. But I am working on it and trying to have a more positive mindset, hopefully if I can gain some confidence and courage I may one day meet someone.

I've just joined so i dont - hopefully that can change. 

Hi im adam 

I think I'm the flaky one to be honest with myself. I'd need a friendship where I can disappear for ages, not have to support them, inconvenience myself or show empathy when I need to be alone. Then pop up from time to time when I have the stamina. 

If they say 'does my bum look big in this...?' I'll say 'yes' if it does. 

I really suck as a friend. To avoid imposing that kind of suckiness on anyone I back off as soon as they get close. 

I mainly communicate with family too, theyve been wonderful tbh. Sometimes I wish I had more people in my life but much like yourself I wonder how realistic it all is. Done with flakey friends I know that much! 

Yep another one here with no friends , I have always hope to find one but they always gravitated to more "interesting people " and I think my fantasy of a friend is just that ,a fantasy , the reality of any friendship would never live up to expectations  ,I do have people I know outside work and family that I have high regard and respect for and they for me in return and this is much preferable  than some fractious unreliable "friendship".

Great idea! :) 

Maybe all of us on this thread can start a friends thread. :)

I don't have any friends either!

I've only just joined today and to be honest I don't actually know how to get to the inbox bit. Would you mind messaging me first? Thanks 

the right kind of friends I have maybe two but apart from that really not very much at all, inbox is open if you fancy a chat anytime 

Definitely struggle with this. It's always been a huge struggle from when I was really young. For a number of reasons- I don't really understand social norms and it's exhausting trying to, reading people is really hard so I get things wrong, (like thinking they're mad or they're having a go when they're just joking) I find it hard to make conversation, anything I think to say I need to re-think because it's usually inappropriate, changes the tone of the conversation or seems rude, then when I finally think of something better the conversation has moved on, and generally being in my own world. Also I can't relate to many people and find the conversations boring usually, especially on the surface stuff. 

I've got a couple of friends but I'm even terrible at keeping in touch with them because I prefer to just be left alone really. I feel most at ease when I'm immersed in my own world. A video game, a film or programme, reading or drawing. Solitary activities. It gets lonely sometimes though and I do long for friendships. When I hear people say they're going out with 'the guys/girls' or anything I do feel quite envious. I've even signed up to classes or groups lots of times but when it comes to it I usually don't go, and if I do I quit not long after. It's usually too overwhelming or boring.  

'Inverted commas' is spot on. This is a looong thread so it is not uncommon. It is possible to have friends. I think I had a couple, they really acted like real friends when I was in difficult situation needed them, so there is hope. Lasting friends is another thing altogether.

This post has helped me thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences

I've always struggled with friends and have always been bullied in some shape or form everywhere. As I got older it didn't get so bad because I was either exposed to more people when older and found it easier to mask and hide with more people rather than at a small school then workplaces a lot of the time are just a copy of school. I've come to accept now it's okay and like you said Nessie its about seeing yourself as an awesome autistic person accepting yourself for you rather than forcing yourself to fit into a box that's not suited for you.

I'm a lot happier now I accept I have no friends no family life it actually better for me no expectations no pressure I talk to people when out and about at appointments and i might go to a local coffee shop from time to time and chat to the staff its easier for me I actually find a closer connection chatting on forums or to strangers than with friends so I'm happy its easier for me and once I took that pressure off my mind and soul had so much more time for self care and other things which is what we all deserve. 

Hello and welcome! Yes, of course we understand, and to a depth and a breadth that no-one else can. Please dive in, ask questions, have a rant, and share your experiences and your hard-won wisdom; it's great to have you here. If you get a chance, have a go at updating your Profile with a username that's a bit more memorable and write a little about yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. Please feel free to read my profile too.

NAS64484 said:

Why would they talk to me one day and ignore me the next? If anything it probably just reinforced to me that people were strange and  I was better off doing my own thing.  I always remember being happiest when I was playing on my own in my own little world.  

Oh yes, we've all been there. 

NAS64484 said:

I couldn’t just end the game, if I was told to go to bed for example before I’d set everything right again it would lead to a full on meltdown with my parents in hindsight being completely and utterly clueless as to what was wrong and no doubt wrongly assuming that my cousin had been mean to me or something. 
I don’t remember ever trying to explain this to my parents. I just thought they would automatically know what was wrong. I didn’t realise my behaviour wasn’t “normal” and I didn’t understand why on earth they would keep inviting her around when I just wanted to play on my own. 

Ah, such fond memories... Okay, maybe not 'fond', but yes, I hated the way other children would mess things up, followed by the overwhelming frustration when I wasn't allowed to rectify it, and my parents' persistence in inviting 'little friends' over to play when I just wanted to be left to my own devices. I had them and my older brother as play-mates, and that was plenty for me.

NAS64484 said:

I suppose I am very selfish. I can only think about myself and my own life it seems. I can talk to people about what’s been going on in my own life, but when they start to talk about themselves I simply switch off, either change to conversation back to focus on my life or I’ll excuse myself to get away. 
obviously this is not a recipe for any sort of friendship and it’s no wonder I don’t have friends. 
Im unable to to do the whole to and fro thing, give and take. 

Nah, we're not selfish, we're just using all our energy and concentration to cope with all the other chaos inside us and around us, which doesn't really leave any capacity to indulge others. Unfortunately, that does seem to be the basis for traditional friendships. I like online, especially forums, because you can write your side and then switch off, and the inevitable lag between posts (responses) means it's not noticed like it would be in a real-time conversation.

NAS64484 said:

As an adult I’ve tried and failed many times at the whole friendship thing. I’ve even managed to fake it for a while. 
But ultimately it never lasts. I still have no interest in what’s going on in anyone else’s life. It’s not that I’m uncaring because I do care, I’m incredibly kind and the sort of person who’s always willing to help others if I can. But I just simply can’t deal with anyone else’s problems or lives because it takes me every single thing that just to get through each day and deal with my own. 

Exactly. That's just the nature of being autistic. Rather than focusing on what a bad neurotypical person you are, you should remember that you are an amazing autistic person.

NAS64484 said:

I guess unless you want a friend who will ignore you for weeks and then bombard you with their life stories only to get up and leave when it’s your turn to talk then I’m not a good choice.

^^^ This is the social-norm for this forum, so please trust me when I say you are among like-minds and very welcome here.

NAS64484 said:

I have several pets who are better suited as friends for me.  They offer the companionship but they don’t make my brain hurt with conversations

Gotta love the four-legged furries. For now, I just have a fiancé, but we'd love to have a cat or two someday. 

Isadora said:

I have my mask but it only seems to help me when I'm at work, anything or anywhere else and it's gone and I'm left an anxious mess

Yep, I can definitely relate to that. I find family gatherings particularly stressful and exhausting because I was so much better at masking when I was growing up, but now that I'm diagnosed and live with my partner I'm more accustomed to being myself, so it takes a mammoth amount of energy and concentration to be the (masked) person my family know. At work, I have my professional hat on, so it's easier as almost all interactions are task-oriented, but I also try to avoid all the social stuff too, just say I have something urgent to finish etc. so can't come.

No friends and no family at all. It sucks. I've started going to my local and just buying a coke or coffee when quiet just so I can get a little less lonely.