Don’t have any friends

No, it's not just you. After spending my whole life masking, the very few "friends" I have are all in inverted commas because I can't be myself around them and I have little interest in the things they do and talk about, so it feels fake.

I'm really lucky to have found my 'special someone' and we are getting married next year. He's my best friend and totally 'gets' me; I can just be myself around him and he loves me for it. I'm also quite close to my dad, although he's 70 now and I worry one day soon he'll be gone.

Growing up, my cat was my best friend, and when he died it completely crushed me.

I also have a small cuddly toy named Monkey (he's a monkey), so at least I know he'll never leave me.

I feel a lot closer to the people I chat to on this forum than most of the people I come across in real life, and I find it's a close enough approximation to friendship for me, so, for now at least, I've stopped looking to make new friends out in the real world.

No, it's not just you. After spending my whole life masking, the very few "friends" I have are all in inverted commas because I can't be myself around them and I have little interest in the things they do and talk about, so it feels fake.

I'm really lucky to have found my 'special someone' and we are getting married next year. He's my best friend and totally 'gets' me; I can just be myself around him and he loves me for it. I'm also quite close to my dad, although he's 70 now and I worry one day soon he'll be gone.

Growing up, my cat was my best friend, and when he died it completely crushed me.

I also have a small cuddly toy named Monkey (he's a monkey), so at least I know he'll never leave me.

I feel a lot closer to the people I chat to on this forum than most of the people I come across in real life, and I find it's a close enough approximation to friendship for me, so, for now at least, I've stopped looking to make new friends out in the real world.

'Inverted commas' is spot on. This is a looong thread so it is not uncommon. It is possible to have friends. I think I had a couple, they really acted like real friends when I was in difficult situation needed them, so there is hope. Lasting friends is another thing altogether.

I don’t like to say it but I’m glad I’m not alone with this. It feels better to finally chat to other people with similar difficulties.  It has taken me years just to actually start joining in a forum for people who have autism. I tried so many times but I was finding it difficult to do this. So I’m proud of myself that I have become involved like this.

I have tried my whole life to copy other girls and women and as a result have become quite a good actor.  But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t genuine in my feelings. I have always cared to make friends but soon realized especially as a teenager that I was different in an extremely different way from other girls when it came to talking (especially in a group), making friends, going out with friends, going to parties etc. I have found that people have not let me be myself and when I found some things difficult (as fore-mentioned) and couldn’t understand their conversations or their social behaviors they started to exclude me and bully me. A lot of people have been not only fake to me but have also deceived me and the worst of these cases has led to violence against me on many occasions. But I myself have always been kind to other people. My dad is the only person who really understands what I am going through (but not completely understands) and he has been supportive but it took me a long time to try to explain to him because as I was growing up, I didn’t communicate my feelings much (I didn’t really understand myself either) so the support and understanding has only recently started. 

I had a cat when I was a girl and although I didn’t think of it as a friend I did love it dearly.  I too was so sad when it died. I couldn’t bear to get another cat.

I have my favorite teddies too. I think that in many ways, like Peter Pan, I never grew up.

I have just given up trying to make friends at the moment. I’ve tried so hard but people have been so mean to me. There is one person I tried to make friends with whom I had known for a few years and as I never know when I’m actually friends with someone because I don’t really understand how this is ascertained (I usually have to ask people if they are my friend or if they want to be my friend whereas I have noticed that with adults this is usually a lot more subtle which I find difficult) I asked her one day ‘are we still friends?’ And she replied, cruelly ‘no we are not friends, you hardly ever go anywhere with me and you don’t do what is expected of friends and communicate properly-I haven’t heard from you for weeks’. (I thought that she didn’t want me to contact her because she hadn’t been contacting me). I was devastated. I then said to her, hoping for some understanding, ‘but I’ve recently found out I have autism so will you try to understand and help me to be a better friend because I’ve tried my best and I care about you and still want to be your friend and I’m sorry if I haven’t been what you want me to be but I’m trying so hard. If you can just accept that I find some things difficult like going out and communicating I will keep trying and I will be a loyal friend’. But, she didn’t care. She then cruelly said to me 

‘so you’ve found out you have autism. Good, now that you know that maybe now you can do some research and find out how you can be friends with someone but I’ll tell you this I will never be your friend, you didn’t go out places when I invited you, you did not communicate like a friend because I’ve not heard from you in months and so I hope you just find out how to fix yourself but not with me’.

And she was angry, so angry and unforgiving and uncharitable. I had not contacted her for a while because I thought she didn’t want to be my friend as she hadn’t contacted me either for months. I was correct though, it’s obvious that she didn’t want to be my friend. I also tried to go out places with her but I was going through a bad time at that time and anyway I do find going out places so difficult. It’s not my fault.

I have other similar experiences with trying to make friends.