Don’t have any friends

Nope you're definitely not alone with this.

All throughout my school years I wore the Isa-Mask. When I wore my mask I was a little more confident and anxiety and social problems didn't bother me as much. At school this allowed me to a degree to get close to others and I hoped it would help me to make friends. Did it? Nope. The problem was after school when everyone wanted to hang out or go shopping I always said no because I was scared and knew that the shops would be packed and that I'd struggle to talk with them...

And it's the same now. Even at work I wear my mask, it's another me, a better me but after work I have to tell people no to going out for a drink or something to eat. I wish I could make some friends but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I have my mask but it only seems to help me when I'm at work, anything or anywhere else and it's gone and I'm left an anxious mess.

Hi, I’ve just this minute joined this community and this was the first post I read. I thought I’d reply as this is something that’s affected me my whole life too. 

im 43 years old and I don’t have any friends.

when I was a child I didn’t have any actual friends either. There was a few children that I would sometimes go out to play with but I think I always knew they weren’t actually my friends, but if they had no one else to play with then they would talk to me until their actual friends turned up and then I’d simply be forgotten about. 
It didn’t really upset me at the time, I didn’t care very much as I was quite happy playing on my own anyway.  I did find it all quite confusing though. Why would they talk to me one day and ignore me the next? If anything it probably just reinforced to me that people were strange and  I was better off doing my own thing.  I always remember being happiest when I was playing on my own in my own little world.  
As I grew up I sometimes played with my cousin, who probably didn’t have much choice in the matter thinking about it, but of course that meant she would touch my toys, put them in the wrong places and she then also had her own ideas about what game to play and how to play it etc which just really annoyed the hell out of me. I’d look forward to her leaving just so I could put my dolls and horses in their proper places, I’d then have to continue the game on my own basically having to undo all the stupid things that had happened in the game during the time my cousin was there interfering.  My cousin had put the wrong doll on the wrong horse, Jenny never rode Storm , she only ever rode Brennin .. my cousin had imagined Jenny had took Storm showjumping. Storm was far too difficult for Jenny to ride, Jenny wasn’t a very good rider, hence why slow and steady Brennin was her horse. Storm would definitely have chucked Jenny straight on the floor and probably trampled on her for good measure! So to me the idea that Jenny won first place in the Jump off riding Storm was just completely and utterly ludicrous. My cousin was quite obviously deranged as far as I was concerned and I’d be left feeling extremely stressed out and often angry too whilst trying to desperately figure out some way of undoing it all and putting it all right again.  I couldn’t just end the game, if I was told to go to bed for example before I’d set everything right again it would lead to a full on meltdown with my parents in hindsight being completely and utterly clueless as to what was wrong and no doubt wrongly assuming that my cousin had been mean to me or something. 
I don’t remember ever trying to explain this to my parents. I just thought they would automatically know what was wrong. I didn’t realise my behaviour wasn’t “normal” and I didn’t understand why on earth they would keep inviting her around when I just wanted to play on my own. 

As I got older and went to high school it just got worse. I was by that time aware that I just didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. 
I still didn’t actually care much about having friends or not but I did care about fitting in, or trying too. So I tried to make friends simply so that I stood out less. I needed friends to fit in, to seem less weird, to be accepted. I hadn’t had much practice at being friends with anyone, Id also been moved into higher year groups during primary school, meaning the other children in my class were several years older. I’d then had to stay in year 6 repeatedly until I was old enough to go to high school so no doubt this also had a big impact on my pretty much non existent social skills. I was also seemingly unable to consider the feelings of others. I suppose I am very selfish. I can only think about myself and my own life it seems. I can talk to people about what’s been going on in my own life, but when they start to talk about themselves I simply switch off, either change to conversation back to focus on my life or I’ll excuse myself to get away. 
obviously this is not a recipe for any sort of friendship and it’s no wonder I don’t have friends. 
Im unable to to do the whole to and fro thing, give and take. 

At school I had also got made fun of and bullied. A girl that had been bullying me for months finally hit me ,  so I hit her back, several times and that was the end of that.  But I quickly realised that some children were frightened of me after that. It was easy enough to appear intimidating and scary when needed, I wasn’t mean and I wasn’t a bully, but I’m ashamed to admit that I let others think otherwise as a kept up the pretence as a way of protecting myself. 

I left school with no real friends, but I did have some almost friends, acquaintances who I could talk to if I wanted too. Maybe they liked me, more likely they were just being polite because I’d built myself such a reputation from 1 single incident and they were probably just scared of me. 

As an adult I’ve tried and failed many times at the whole friendship thing. I’ve even managed to fake it for a while. 
But ultimately it never lasts. I still have no interest in what’s going on in anyone else’s life. It’s not that I’m uncaring because I do care, I’m incredibly kind and the sort of person who’s always willing to help others if I can. But I just simply can’t deal with anyone else’s problems or lives because it takes me every single thing that just to get through each day and deal with my own. 

I would like friends, or even just A friend.  But it also comes with so much pressure. Sometimes I can’t deal with talking to anyone, maybe for weeks. I guess unless you want a friend who will ignore you for weeks and then bombard you with their life stories only to get up and leave when it’s your turn to talk then I’m not a good choice.  I’d like friends but I don’t think they’d like me. 

instead I’ve always been a huge animal lover so I have several pets who are better suited as friends for me.  They offer the companionship but they don’t make my brain hurt with conversations, they n’t judge me and I can therefore be myself without the need to pretend I’m someone I’m not. So that’s what works for me. 

I didn’t intend for my first ever comment to amount to almost a novel but this is something I’ve never actually been honest enough to say before. I hope that if anyone can understand then it’s you guys.  X 

I call myself a misfit because that is what i am. I don't fit in anywhere. 

I have been to support groups, and tried to chat, or say something.  I am either ignored or stared at. The eye contact during chat  never looks my way,  making me feel totally isolated  . Even the body language excludes me. Literally turning away from me. 

It was the same at mother and baby groups, the school playground, work lunch breaks, family occasions.  Infact  every social situation i have been in.

I don't have a warning siren flashing over my head, yet i am still a misfit  

calling yourself a misfit is quite hard on yourself.  Is it because you've experienced rejection or insults?   

I know that I remove myself from most potential friendships because I worry that I will spoil them or disappoint. I get very afraid of being close to someone or having awkward silences, or finding out how to spend time together.    Maybe other people aren't as hard on you as you are on yourself?

We had a fight. 

why does it hurt? thats the route of your answer. I've always found lonliness is actually an indiciator of something we have to meet within ourselves first. you can be lonely with people there and not there. 

That's very true, I also have a husband but it's not the same. 

I am friendless, and lonely. 51 years old and never had a friend. 

I am married to a man who accepts my autism /anxieties, and of course i have a connection with him, but it's not the same as a friend to talk to and share problems with.

I should be used to being a misfit by now, but it still hurts.

No not just you. naturally happened for me this year after years of forced friendships detrimental to my well being got to the point where let it all go. feel so much better. i don't get lonely anymore now either. accepted i'm a lone wolf and anyone i'm meant to interact with i will. has made me more present and will chat to strangers sometimes or when out in a taxi when feel up to it. theres no reason to feel lonely the worlds right outside or right here or another forum if you need it. be there for yourself its you youll be with all your life. <3

I dont have any friends, I meet people think I get alone with them but then they avoid me or only contact me when they need something, I think because I'm socially awkward I struggle to make small talk or show interest in things I'm not interested in then people see me as rude but I also worry about saying the wrong thing or making a fool of myself so sometimes it's better not to talk at all

I seem to have more online friends than real life ones 

That's really sad, I am sorry.

Have you tried asking her about why she's so distant? It might be coincidence e.g. maybe something big happened in her life around the same time you shared your diagnosis with her, and she feels you didn't 'read' her need to talk to you about it or take an interest in her news/problem so is responding by no longer taking any interest in yours. Of course, I may be way off...

I keep seeing this Thread, so I shall say/support that I Myself also 'doesn't have any friends at all'...

At school, One may be forced to make friends, just to make the school look good... even when those "friends" are bullies when the school is not looking, pfui. After I left, I had none remaining from school. (Even though One ex-schoolfriend still lives near to Me!) Also, I made other friends in life after school, but then they leave, too.

I prefer "acquaintances" or "allies" rather than friends. My life is (currently) friendless, but it is a lot *easier*. -- e.g. - As a "Cynosure" I often get complete strangers, often hecklers,  claiming to know Me, & so My life is easier because of the certainty of being able to say back at them: "You are no friend of Mine because I have no friends!"

(  ...Reading this Post anyone, This is why I delayed in putting anything upon it, you see.     )

I had one close female friend who stood by me thru a lot of bad times, but ever since being diagnosed as adult a few years ago has became distant. I thought being honest about the autism with her would bring us closer, but it’s pushed her more away. It’s almost likes she’s embarrassed to know me now.

That must be really challenging when you need space, but I'm certain she wouldn't swap you for anyone. I'm sorry the school's SEN support is so lacking. It's shocking how, at many schools, this is still the case.

I love my MP3 player too. It's come to my rescue on more occasions than I care to remember. 

My daughter has some additional needs but isn't autistic and it's very hard! She likes to be with me a lot whereas I like my own space. Dealing with SEN support (or lack of it) at school is awful. I do sometimes wonder if having me as a parent is a massive burden. 

Got totally ignored at school pick up as usual! Thank goodness for MP3 players.

Fraiselongue said:

Since my daughter started school I have tried to make friends with other parents but without fail they always cut off from me once they get to know me.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's ridiculous how, even as adults, people don't outgrow their childish behaviour and playground politics. It's one of the many reasons I've decided not to have children; I know I couldn't cope with the noise, neediness and randomness of a NT child, much less a child with ASD, plus the additional pressure to nurture and facilitate their socialisation/social life would be more than I could bear. Fortunately, my partner is equally happy with it being just us, so we're looking forward to a quiet life once we're married.

Fraiselongue said:

I guess if everyone had 0-3 friends I'd be okay with it.

Me too!

I often see so called friends saying awful things behind each others' backs. And then there's the constant pressure to attend things you don't want to attend. 

Those people with 30+ friends, of those friends I wonder how many would extend themselves to help out in a tricky situation where they had nothing to gain.  It may be just the cynical old git in me speaking here, but I tend to assume probably not many.  Makes me feel a little more comfortable in my 'self contained-ness' at any rate.

horses and dogs are my  the best friends. 

I was was worried that they might, but they have carried on being just the same towards me.