Not finishing things

If I think back to when I was at school (back in the dark ages), all I wanted to do was flop in a chair and do nothing. After a day at school, I just wanted to switch off. Of course, this wasn't always possible when I had homework that needed doing. Therefore, it doesn't surprise me that you didn't get around to sorting through your CDs.

Since becoming a member here and reading about the experiences of people with an additional diagnosis of ADHD, I have often wondered about ADHD in relation to myself. Whilst I remain undecided about pursuing a diagnostic assessment for it, I am open to the idea that I might well be ADHD.

Thank you for your kind and complimentary words about the diamond paintings featured on my profile. If you decide to give diamond painting a try and have a branch of The Range local to you, it might be worth paying a visit.

Hey Sporadic Sparkly  

Btw just looked at your profile and saw your diamond paintings! They're lovely! ️ I never heard of that before but I might take it up at some point it looks like a lot of fun. The Christmas dog one is my fav so cute! 

Whilst I've always had difficulty completing things that I didn't want to do and had no interest in, I never seemed to experience issues completing things that I enjoyed, such as my hobbies. However, as I've got older (I'm 49), this has changed, to the extent that I can struggle to even get started.

For example, I used to enjoy decorating. After having some plastering work done in my bedroom approximately 10 years ago, I had purchased the supplies I required to re-paint the ceiling, walls and woodwork. After all this time, my bedroom remains undecorated, and I feel it would be a miracle if the paint I'd purchased hasn't dried out by now.

One of my hobbies is diamond painting. Approximately 2½ years ago, I had got started on a diamond painting kit (a picture measuring 50cm x 40cm), and completed less than a quarter of it. I have every intention of finishing it, but for the past 2½ years it has remained untouched, taking up space on my kitchen table.

My inability to complete, or get started on tasks used to bother me. Now, I try not to allow it to affect my mood too much, which admittedly can be easier said than done. I'm a great believer that hobbies should be enjoyable, so it seems pointless to force myself into doing them if I'm not in the right frame of mind. 

I'm glad that this information can help you and everyone else who came across it. I hope that you get to learn many things in life that you're interested in. I wish all the best for you. 

I don't have time here to respond but I would like to so I wil lsend you a friend request and we can talk more..please cut/paste this thread in the pm and I can get back to you. I'm on a 20 minute a day diet on the forum but PM-ing: I spend a bit more time at and it's more focused. I do a lot of PMing. I think we could be good NAS friends.

That's very insightful, unfortunately I seem to fit the fixed option, food for thought!

That’s really helpful Hullabaloo and well explained, thank you

Setting a rule deadline seems to like a good idea and it works for you and that's super  

Aww wow knitting is so cool  do you make your own clothes? I would love to be able to do that! Sadly I'm not so creative in that way. I'm not good at making things. I'm okay at programming and writing but that's about it. 

See you later everyone x

Hi I'm a bit of a programming geek-e-zoid lol and use a bit of code in my text to integrate the colours. I checked with the community manager first to make sure it was okay to do.

I red your profile! So relatable I also enjoy these things. I love the reflections of sun or moon rays on the water, trees, birds, flowers. I love the nature. I relate a lot to your experience. And your cat is lovely! I think that cats and autistic people have a lot in common! - like hiding in a small space, don’t like noise, like walking their own paths and solitude. 

Hey thanks for replying and saying about the growth and fixed mindsets. I haven't heard of that before but I'd say for sure I've got the fixed mindset. I definitely have a fear of failure and a lot of the time I do struggle to even start something because I'm so afraid I'll be rubbish or fail at it before I've even got anywhere. It's a mindset I probably got in to when I started secondary school but now I know about it and understand this better thanks to you I can try and adjust and learn new ways to think better.

Think negative and I guess the outcome is more likely to be negative. I need to get out of that. If a habit way of thinking and I can be overly negative at times unfortunately but I'm working on this as I hate being like that. 

Thanks for telling me about this it gives me a lot to think about and will definitely help me in the future. 

Interesting! I have never seen this picture before! But as I can see I transitioned from fixated mindset to the growth mindset. That’s why I’m much happier than I was. 

Creativity is such an amazing escape, it's enjoyable and generally I'm always happy with the result whether it's something I've written or drawn. Though most of what I've created is only half done lol *sobs*...but I'll work on this! 

Sounds exhausting for you Number. But! You can be proud of yourself for seeing it through to the end. Hopefully that makes it feel more worthwhile and boosts your confidence. Generally if a task takes a long time I'll probably not finish it. If it's too hard or takes too long I'll lose interest and just stop. Think I've got a short attention span most of the time.

But hey, you did it! Well done! Real happy for you. 

Well you finshed a post for us to comment on. That's a good way to start.

I would say that the fear of failure is a very valid fear that people have, which makes them have issues with finishing what they've started, because they already have a negative outcome that happens to them in their minds, and that takes away their motivation to keep going. 

Have you ever heard of "the growth mindset vs. the fixed mindset"?

The "fixed mindset" is constantly focused on the outcome, that it's either success or failure, and if it's failure, then they'll lose motivation to finish what they've started. They are very critical of every mistake they make. They may compare themselves to others a lot, as if they are competing with others, and lose motivation if they are not good enough. "The glass is half empty" to them. Perfectionists also have a fixed mindset, because they want things to be absolutely perfect, or else it's an absolute failure to them. 

A "growth mindset" is one that focuses on the process. They build upon the knowledge of what they already have, even if they don't have much knowledge to begin with, and just enjoy the process of learning and growing. They compare themselves to who they were yesterday, or maybe a week, month, or year before, and see other people as sources of motivation, rather than as competition, and they'll try to learn as much off of people as possible. "The glass of half full" for them, and they just gather more knowledge, skills, and experiences over time, always growing and learning.

I would recommend that you try and adopt the growth mindset in your life, and learn things for the enjoyment that it can provide to you in your life. 

But also, another completely different thought I had about your situation...

The lack of motivation to feed one's self, or to do things, coupled with anxiety, and maybe even depression, could be a chemical imbalance of the brain. Some people take antidepressants. Other people avoid certain foods that cause an inflammatory response in their body, that leads to digestive issues and/or mood issues. Certain drugs also have negative side effects on the body as well. And this happens if you absolutely cannot "feel" any ounce of motivation or enjoyment in life to an abnormal degree, then that might something to talk to a doctor about. 

Yeah, that's common. I only finish things when I set a 'rule' that I have to finish by a certain time, as I am rules/routine based. Whether it's just to set a deadline to complete it, because it has an actual end date like paying a bill, or to force me to finish it. I often look like I am last minute dot com when asked to prepare things for work, but people don't see the hours of thinking and mental connections I am making to distill the information down to something they can follow, so I'm often exhausted before I put pen to paper, or type on that first slide.

In terms of fun stuff, I knit and crochet to see what happens when I try things, so it's more experimental than 'produce a pair of socks', which I can do as well, but I get bored doing the same thing over. I have one blanket 'to see what would happen' I started 15 years ago and it's been in a box for about 8 years, but I recently started another blanket... distraction by shiny object! Both will get done, but I can't say when that will be.

Also I'm bad for buying drawing supplies without remembering that I need to practice to use up the supplies I already have! I don't know I am doing it, until I get them home and put them in the now overflowing box.

Be kind to yourself. Not everything 'needs' to be finished. Try learning 50 instruments until you find the one you like. (Rent them rather than buy?) Listen to several languages before you find one you like the sound of and would like to try learning. Finishing is over-rated, and assumes that no improvements can be made. But I think a lot of what I do can be improved, so I call it 'finished for now'.

Thank you for your kind words. I have never used adobe illustrator. Creativity is often our refuge from this crazy world. I can see here, that being bullied is very common autistic experience. I even saw a meme here, that it’s ridiculous how poor mental health professionals are at recognising autism when compared to kids how good they are at it when it comes to deciding whom to bully. 
i was bullied and I suffered from noise during the school breaks. Wanted to have breaks in a classroom alone, but of course I heard that nobody will adjust just to make such an accommodation for me. Which resulted with meltdowns at home after school. Well, long story. I’m happy that it’s behind. Unfortunately graduating from school does not mean the bullying finished, adults also can bully in a more subtle way. Hopefully the awareness about autism will spread and autistic people will not suffer so much. There are more and more people who are aware. 

Trusty Wikipedia. 

But, seriously, well done to Number.

...... ,,,,,,,, ........ ''''''''''

Dear Debbie - please see above a small store of appropriate punctuation marks that you can keep in your metaphorical top pocket, and draw upon when the ineptitude of myself (predominantly) and the occasional slip-up from Out of Step occurs to the detriment of your sense of good order and correct written form.

And on a positive note, please celebrate the fact that, despite the many incorrect combinations imposed on your well being.......you haven't yet suffered the indignity of a "Here hear" or "He ear here"