Published on 12, July, 2020
I never finish anything.
Lol it's literally like it sounds. I start things and then I just abandon it. I started learning the guitar, stopped after a day. I write, either just for fun or working on a book or assignments...then I just stop.
I think I lose interest or mmaybe it's anxiety that it won't be any good? Anxiety that I'll fail?
Then just now I started making a sandwich and drink and stopped midway through no longer feeling interested in it. This causes me issues at times with self neglect because I don't eat and drink enough... and my school stuff goes unfinished.
Just curious really as to why I'm like this and if anyone else about this site can relate to it. I tell my family and they just stare at me.
If it's something you do to let me know, would be nice if it's not just a me thing!
I pick up interests and activities as I go along in life and have them in a sort of toy box of the mind, or in a file systems in my brain. I can return and pick interests and activities up again as my mind and circumstances suit.
I do end up "finishing" activities, I may just take a little longer than your average bear. I do have to admit that having everything burn in that fire clarified some things for me, like what I need to really let go of - including cherished values I did not know I had been harbouring and which I had out grown. a few things in my mental toy box have been donated back to collective unconscious, some files pulped to make room for new understanding.
Some of my interests will be lifelong and I will never really be 'finished', like learning a language, studying a subject. I will always finish things like writing a story through to submission, making a meal, painting a painting, keeping appointments (with lots of alarms and reminders on my phone) and taking a round of meds til the bottles empty. For me it is the sensation of enjoyment in the adsorption in the activity or interest in the moment.
If I had a business card it would probably read "Dharma Bum" as a job title, I suppose.
Of one thing I know for certain, I am an eternal being so, no rush.
Oh wow you have such an awesome beautiful way of thinking and looking at things. I love that! I wish I was more like you in my ways of thinking... I feel like my own thinking thought pattern is so self destructive and causes me more harm than good. But there's time for all this to change so I try not to worry about it.