Newly diagnosed, who do I tell

have you told your neighbours pet cat yet?
cats are good listeners.

Welcome aboard, 

I'm 9 years older (49, 50 later this year) and was diagnosed in Feb, so far I've not told many people. 3 very close friends of ours,  My direct boss and one colleague I work close with, my parents and my wife/kids. I've pretty much known myself for years and it turned out some I've told weren't shocked either, while others seem oblivious, probably due to how well I mask, but won't realise how hard that is on me.

I feel like I want to tell the world some days, so everyone knows how hard my days can be, while other days I want it hidden. So I'm taking my time. That's the best advice I think, take your time and tell people as and when you feel you want or need to.

Most important thing is to take care of yourself, don't be disheartened. Don't be too hard on others, everyone is unique and has their issues and differences, some people will want to help but won't know how.

In a nutshell, Mastodon is a federated platform. People run their own servers which communicate with each other. It is not owned by a corporation, there are no ads, and there are no 'likes'. The specific server I have an account on is neurodifferent.me which is (as you can tell) aimed at neurodivergent people.

Congrats on being diagnosed. My advice would be don't rush in to telling people, give yourself time first to process and accept your diagnosis and let it all sink in. It's a big thing to go through and rushing it and telling people might be overwhelming so if it was me I'd give myself a bit of time first. 

Whatever you decide on doing though I wish you luck ️

Unless you enjoy being that way. If you don't then it is a matter for experimentation and investigation: find where and with whom you belong by experimenting. Other people are time consuming and I understand the urge to just feel at home and have friends just be there when we like, but friendships are work, enjoyable work if your inclined but there it is. IF you don't enjoy it, yea, one is the number.

I believe there is no rush and no obligation to tell people (certainly not until you have given yourself time to have a really good think about all the new information you have been taking onboard since receiving your diagnosis).

That said, outside of your immediate family, I wonder if you might consider updating your GP? (if they are not already in the know).

I like how this video tackles the "who to tell" challenge of disclosure and unmasking.  (I have found re-watching this video helpful to me - when assessing who / what / how / when I might be considering telling someone next):

https://youtu.be/nwFOxUmIisQ?feature=shared 

... including as Paul in the video says at the end (19:08 minutes into the video): remember to be kind to the people you are coming out to (for the reasons he goes in to explain) - people you tell sometimes need time themselves to get up to speed to then be able to join you on your journey.

What if you’re in a tribe of one and can’t relate to anybody?

I’ve looked up some info about this site/platform and I am very impressed - please do keep talking about this site as much as possible 

I too am this way.

I am often too hungry for social contact that I need to say or walk away.

The way I have come to handle it is, tell one trusted friend who knows others of your circle. they can do the rest without making it awkward. I also lead with it if it seems the person I'm talking to will be a part of my life for some time and maybe a potential friend.

This gives the person some idea of what to expect and gets the disclosure thing out of the way: no more imposter syndrome or excessive masking! Sometimes I will get the cringe-worthy "funny you don't look.." and some such comment, but often it can be "oh we thought so", or "of yes you are!", "thought so" or "that explains so much, thanks". From there we  can move on without the unsaid "something weird" hanging over us.

If people are susceptible to systematizing stereotypes, I probably wouldn't want to hang with them for long anyway.

Some become standoffish but warm back up when they slowly realize how enriching being with someone who is different can be -  or that I will NOT be reciting the periodic table to them with "fun facts" about each element - not at first, anyway. 

I also say things like  "please slow down. I'm on the spectrum." without hesitation when customer service goes too fast for me to write down what they say, for example.

The main thing is not to be apologetic, but to definitely own who you are with confidence.

I think ND people find each other. Us older folk have (me late 60s), mos def, autistic friends who would never think to consider whether or not they are on the spectrum, but they SO are. Find your tribe where you feel valued and seen.

My advice would be, don't rush into telling too many people straight away. You might be sort of exhilerated and want to shout it out to the world - but you can't take it back again once you have told them. It will make you very vulnerable and there is a risk of oversharing. Some advice that I found helfpul was "you don't owe an explanation to anyone".

Some situations where I think it is good to tell people are a) if the topic comes up naturally in conversation and it feels safe, or b) if I know that they are going to be around me in a difficult situation/situations, and I think that they can understand or support me better if they know, c) they are your boss or supervisor.

Age 53 and having been diagnosed in 2021, I can understand the reluctance to disclose a diagnosis of autism, given the lack of adult post diagnostic support, especially since post diagnostic assessments are not a legal entitlement nor requirement, so how can one possibly determine nor identify what one’s post diagnostic support needs are as an autistic adult? - post diagnostic assessments are the gateway to post diagnostic supports for many autistic adults, even for those of us who are high-functioning - frankly, I cannot understand the reluctance and/or refusal of those in power to understand and accept this basic point and frankly, it is a thundering disgrace that we are left in effective limbo - with an increasing autistic population in the coming years, as more autistic people are diagnosed later in life, we are going to have a serious problem in the years and decades ahead - it is the very definition of insanity to focus all autism support on children alone, whether NHS or private 

I was diagnosed four years ago aged 67, I've yet to disclose to anyone other than the members of this forum; however, I think that many who have known me over the years may have suspected as much on account of the rude comments I've repeatedly had thrown at me.  Allistic folk think everyone should be just like them....... and now that I understand my difference, I'm rather glad I'm not like them.

Take your time and think about it before you tell anyone, there's no rush.

Ben

It's totally your choice who you tell, and there isn't a right answer; it's just whatever you want to do. And it's OK to choose not to tell anyone else and then decide later on that you want to tell other people.

Personally, I told anyone who would listen. The first person I told was the lady on CAMHS reception as I was leaving after hearing that I was autistic. I found it such a relief to know the reason why I have never fit in that I wanted the world to know. Now, I tell people if it comes up in conversation but it isn't the first thing I say to someone but it's not something I hide as it's a big part of me. However I know of other people who don't tell anyone and that's totally OK too. 

Alisha xx

P.S. Congrats on the diagnosis, hope you didn't have to wait too long

I've told my family and closest friends. At work I've told my immediate boss and the business manager of my division, both of whom understand autism, and two other colleagues both of whom are actively involved in autism awareness. Nobody else at work needs to know. I'm fortunate in that I don't need any adjustments in the workplace (I work in a non-people-facing position, 100% remote).

I take an active part in autism discussions online, but anonymously. The internet is too toxic. I don't use social media at all, except Mastodon.