Friend Requests that arouse suspicion - Is it just me?

Kerri-Mod  Karin ModJust hoping that tagging some moderators in here might highlight some of our concerns that the user might still be doing this and highlighting this as a potential issue? Sorry if there was a better way of doing it, but I have reported said user a couple of times and not heard back if this is something being looked into (and it is clearly causing a fair few users issues)

Hi Shardovan, stop apologising man!! (I say that tongue in cheek).

It may be true you could have come across as naive but I am sure the polar opposite can be true for me, overly cautious, distrustful and a little misanthropic of particular types I should think are good ways to view me (I watch things play out over a long time and when I see certain "signals" play out repeatedly, or conflicting information, I just can't help but feel it is someone who is up to no good and not in genuine need of help, or that the help they need is far too much than any one person can provide).

I'll reluctantly refer to the spiritualistic "yin and yang" balance stuff, it could be the no nonsense approach that you wished you were more capable of would not be a good fit for you and your approach would probably not be a good fit for me and one I would struggle with greatly to be honest.

I'd just be more concerned about getting yourself into a situation where you have to ask other people how to figure out how to unfriend someone, because you realised the "oh no" point a little too late, don't be hard on yourself about this Shardovan.

I don't like the idea of that either bit unnerving.

I did notice that the 'identity' had edited one of their posts so that it now includes more information. However, I was unaware that they had done similar with their profile / bio, so thanks for pointing that out.

There is one thing that just does not add up though, which was something that another member had spotted. It relates to the age of the 'identity' and the age of their child.

I know it's not impossible for a female to get pregnant and give birth at a young age. In 1939, there was a girl in Peru that gave birth by caesarian section when she was only 5½ years old. I believe she was 7 months pregnant.

To be honest, it's hard to know what to think.

Difficult choice here. If it is a very "edge of the bell curve" person who's been speaking to us, then I'd want to be kind, but if there's some script kiddie reading this thread and laughing at us, It would be good to find out, and release the flying monkeys... 

I note that the identity everyone has been talking to has opened a channel of private communication and responded to some of my suggestions, seemingly, and filled in some profile info. But it was proving impossible to open a simple dialogue, even simple questions were just reflected back to me. 

I'm really not sure what is going on. (My default condition for most of life, sadly..)

It's an interesting theory Martin. If you're right, I'm not so sure I like the idea of us being used as guinea pigs to test out an AI construct.

I will admit that when I initially returned to this post to read the various responses, I felt  what can best be described as a sense of foreboding when I realised you had been targeted. Having observed the way that other members had been targeted, it was rather like watching a TV or film scene... The viewer knows what's coming, but the unsuspecting character doesn't.

Several months ago, there was a conversation that had taken place between myself and another member. They were of the opinion that the likelihood of someone going to the effort of registering with NAS, for the purpose of trolling, spamming, or anything else untoward was slim. I disagreed. Whilst I find it hard to understand the mentality of such people, I'm aware that it's their idea of fun. If they are determined enough, they will go to extraordinary lengths to get their kicks.

Possibly. The uncanny valley on this one feels very deep. I did politely explain my rationale before unfriending but feel a bit of an idiot if I was doing so to a random bit of programming. The last thing they said to me was ‘I’m not a bot’ which I couldn’t help projecting the characteristics of sadness and rejection onto. I felt sorry for them. But I think ultimately  it *was* projection, and that it was my own empathic hurt being mirrored by  an entity that did not care. 

My only means of accessing the internet is via a desktop PC, so I have no idea what the difference is for members that access the site via a mobile phone.

On the topic of NAS number members, I cannot deny that I find it considerably easier to remember and recognise names. I used to think they were people who didn't know or hadn't got around to changing their number to a name, or else were not planning to stick around. However, if there are members that feel more confortable sticking with the NAS assigned number, then what right do I have to judge them for it?

The conversations with 'the entity' are so very odd and one-sided, that I wonder if someone is testing out an artificial intelligence construct on us? One designed to gather information on a topic, then create conversations related to the topic - in this case autism? Just a thought.

Genuinely nonplussed too by what any real person (even if a troll) could be getting out of it anyway. They communicate so sparingly and confusingly that there’s not even any sense of ‘baiting’ so to speak - just a sort of deep unease and confusion that is so instant that communication from our side would cease immediately anyway. Not much sustenance there for someone on the wind-up is there? 

I'm only looking on my phone so that might be why I haven't seen one.

Hi Paul. That’s ok, and thank you for being so kind in your description of me. I know I was not the target of your primary criticism., But I can also understand how I came across as frustratingly naive and unhelpful to the situation (feeding the troll as they say)  - even if I got my bearings and sussed it out quite fast overall. I hadn’t been on here in a couple of weeks so did rather blunder in with less risk aversion than I’d normally have switched on had I been more immersed in the ebb and flow of the forum over that period. Apologies for any extending of a trolling situation that was maybe otherwise fading out that I might have inadvertently caused. I’ll be a bit more consistently worldly wise in future - it helps protect everyone, especially the more vulnerable- who I know you are very good about looking out for, and in a no-nonsense way I wish I was more often capable of myself! 

Yes! I got ‘can you help me?’ as soon as I posted in this thread. I have a stupid thing even at my age where politeness can overcome common sense. But never for too long! The weirdness was impenetrable anyway. As a 45 year old bloke I do not want to be privately corresponding with someone who publicly has a kid, then privately mentions ‘my school’ and is linking to the most problematic and delicate of topics with no context. Ten minutes was all I needed to step away, so I can imagine it’s been the same for many others.

We live and learn. I think that’s the magic formula for sure! 

I can understand this thinking. Only a rare few private messaging situations would ever feel ‘right’ and a few dormant gestures of welcome or attempted but unsustained continuity is probably the universal pattern - the result of a trade off between societal structural inevitability and luck. You did a kind thing for that person Sparkly, despite misgivings, but your intuition proved right about the outcome as it was always most likely to. I think we’re all open enough on the public side to make a go of being collectively good friends to one another out in the open for the most part. Shared interests or vibes or local connections or whatever might foster ‘backend’ conversations with a few particularly kindred spirits too, and that’s a healthy balance overall. 

Thanks Sparkly, that’s very kind. And you’re right - on balance it was something going on with them, not me. The same person had, not long before, started a thread/poll asking for forum improvements to help them feel and others safer, especially from predatory men. Ways to block etc. no wonder given some of the nonsense that women (especially) online have to put up with. Maybe they just never got to a place of feeling this was enough of a safe space to trust one or several private friendships - even ones they initiated- being as they appeared - authentic, gentle and appropriate  (assuming it was the case for the others too). I just hope that no tiny nuance of any comment at any point was the trigger to flee. Or that I gave the impression  I’d be messaging way often than would have been the case. Ultimately I will never know, it’s just one of those things that makes me feels like an alien sometimes even on here. People seemingly highly valuing something one minute, discarding it the next. Makes me realise why solitude is probably my healthiest state - I’m not good at treating personal connection like fast food. So I’d rather have nutrition or starve. 

An observation I made, which I'm willing to admit that I could be wrong about and could just be a coincidence... I got the distinct impression that the forums were being closely monitored by a particular individual. As soon as someone they hadn't interacted with before was active in the forum, that member would immediately be targeted.

I am sorry that you found yourself in this situation. Perhaps because of my own past experiences, I find I tend to observe the way members interact on the forum. Depending on my mood, if I think there are red flags and something seems 'off', I'll either do my best to avoid them, or else try to diplomatically voice my concerns.

I believe you have to do what feels right for you, and what feels comfortable for you.