Published on 12, July, 2020
Several days ago, I found myself on the receiving end of a Friend Request from a new member, which immediately caused me to feel unnerved and suspicious.
I question if it's a generational thing, or if it's just me. At the time that I received this request, there had been no prior interaction on the forum between myself and this member. Furthermore, their member profile was completely blank. Therefore, I had no way of knowing if this person was on a similar wavelength to me, or if we had anything remotely in common.
It's an interesting thing with Friend requests. I've understandably had very few, and would never presume to initiate one (self esteem issues!). The few I've had (for which I am grateful) seem to operate in dormant mode - honorary rather than functional. That's OK, just the prevailing etiquette I suppose! It's just kind of someone to make the gesture, and that's enough.
The one exception was a lovely person who was on here for a while, sent me a friend request, would initiate actual conversations, and a nice friendship with intermittent contact was tentatively developing. We talked about/shared music, favourite tv, and a little about life in general. Then they changed their name overnight. I sent them a message to say that if they were indicating they no longer wanted to talk privately, I understood but hopefully they'd still be around on the forum as they were a really nice person whose posts were always really positive and encouraging to anyone on here. They then suddenly removed all their friends, and a day later disappeared off the forum altogether. It left me feeling pretty low as it was the latest instance of making me realise yet again what a 'small doses' person I am. To the extent that even ND people will sooner of later flee from my overly-wordy way of talking. Of course, it may have not been me (or just me) at all. Other stuff may have been going on in their life, or they may have been someone who really burns through their special interests (this place as 'the answer' so to speak), 100% into it and then suddenly not.
Goodbyes and disappearances are always hard, probably best to assume any interaction with anyone could be one's last and never get complecent.
Anyway, I can understand your caution Sparkly, especially in light of some stuff you went through a while back. Trust must always be earned, and if something feels too out of the blue, or pushy, I'd say you're wise to tread carefully.
Hello Shardovan, I know I haven't been very active on here, but certain members have made me want to bare my fangs again, but in my response to you I will keep my muzzle on, but I will get to the point, I feel you are giving too much benefit of the doubt.
This person has been repeatedly derailing topics by asking for "help" and ignoring all advice given, because they "can't", topics that someone else had put due to personal struggles that they, whoever is affected, did need advice on and has been posting endless nappy links to derail posts.
My patience has worn extremely thin Shardovan, I will be blunt, I think either you are wasting the empathy that you clearly possess on someone who does not value it or that this person is a troll, I see no other alternatives.
They "struggle a great deal" with almost no specific, concise information ever, other than nappies and children at ages that don't add up, endlessly asking for friends and endlessly asking for help but denying all advice, heck one of their posts "triggered" me because it said my "child pulls his pants up and down and his penis" in my mind I am not sure what this means, Is the child, below puberty according to what I have read, to learn how to cope with my own nonsense I will add, simulating masturbation, which is not natural for a young boy before round about twelve when puberty kicks in.
Note: I am not calling you out Shardovan, when a certain behaviour P's me off some of what I can say may sound accusatory towards you, that is not my intention, I've read enough to know you're a "sweetheart", Unfortunately sometimes people like me have to enter the fray, I am trying to say my anger is not directed at you at all Shardovan, this whole comment is just another way of me coming to grips with my mind.
To NAS82959, you've posted the above repeatedly, many people have given you advice and you have responded with I "can't", well here is what you can do, you can stop derailing other people who are struggling with their own issues looking for advice, they can't physically help you, all they can give is advice, you're on your own otherwise, accept it and deal with it, if what you have put is genuine or your other option is to die, that is of course if you've actually reached that level of desperation.
If you have I do feel for you, but it does not excuse the nonsense you've "repeatedly" derailed other people's topics with your goddamn links.
My personal opinion is that you are a troll, pretending to have issues to garner support, if that is the case, you will gain absolutely no sympathy from me, you are trash, I bare my fang's if that is what you are, if that is not the case, I will give whatever advice I am able to, but this comment spamming had to stop, a lot of the other's, I'm sure really don't need it.
Use. Your. Words.
Do NOT be vague all the time.
Hi Paul. That’s ok, and thank you for being so kind in your description of me. I know I was not the target of your primary criticism., But I can also understand how I came across as frustratingly naive and unhelpful to the situation (feeding the troll as they say) - even if I got my bearings and sussed it out quite fast overall. I hadn’t been on here in a couple of weeks so did rather blunder in with less risk aversion than I’d normally have switched on had I been more immersed in the ebb and flow of the forum over that period. Apologies for any extending of a trolling situation that was maybe otherwise fading out that I might have inadvertently caused. I’ll be a bit more consistently worldly wise in future - it helps protect everyone, especially the more vulnerable- who I know you are very good about looking out for, and in a no-nonsense way I wish I was more often capable of myself!
Hi Shardovan, stop apologising man!! (I say that tongue in cheek).
It may be true you could have come across as naive but I am sure the polar opposite can be true for me, overly cautious, distrustful and a little misanthropic of particular types I should think are good ways to view me (I watch things play out over a long time and when I see certain "signals" play out repeatedly, or conflicting information, I just can't help but feel it is someone who is up to no good and not in genuine need of help, or that the help they need is far too much than any one person can provide).
I'll reluctantly refer to the spiritualistic "yin and yang" balance stuff, it could be the no nonsense approach that you wished you were more capable of would not be a good fit for you and your approach would probably not be a good fit for me and one I would struggle with greatly to be honest.
I'd just be more concerned about getting yourself into a situation where you have to ask other people how to figure out how to unfriend someone, because you realised the "oh no" point a little too late, don't be hard on yourself about this Shardovan.