Friend Requests that arouse suspicion - Is it just me?

Haha yes perhaps 

I can understand this thinking. Only a rare few private messaging situations would ever feel ‘right’ and a few dormant gestures of welcome or attempted but unsustained continuity is probably the universal pattern - the result of a trade off between societal structural inevitability and luck. You did a kind thing for that person Sparkly, despite misgivings, but your intuition proved right about the outcome as it was always most likely to. I think we’re all open enough on the public side to make a go of being collectively good friends to one another out in the open for the most part. Shared interests or vibes or local connections or whatever might foster ‘backend’ conversations with a few particularly kindred spirits too, and that’s a healthy balance overall. 

Thanks Sparkly, that’s very kind. And you’re right - on balance it was something going on with them, not me. The same person had, not long before, started a thread/poll asking for forum improvements to help them feel and others safer, especially from predatory men. Ways to block etc. no wonder given some of the nonsense that women (especially) online have to put up with. Maybe they just never got to a place of feeling this was enough of a safe space to trust one or several private friendships - even ones they initiated- being as they appeared - authentic, gentle and appropriate  (assuming it was the case for the others too). I just hope that no tiny nuance of any comment at any point was the trigger to flee. Or that I gave the impression  I’d be messaging way often than would have been the case. Ultimately I will never know, it’s just one of those things that makes me feels like an alien sometimes even on here. People seemingly highly valuing something one minute, discarding it the next. Makes me realise why solitude is probably my healthiest state - I’m not good at treating personal connection like fast food. So I’d rather have nutrition or starve. 

Agreed....I did have the same reservation....but then I just thought....."nope, this is a wrong 'un" so I hit that button - for no other reason than to alert the MODS of what I feared was going on. I'm glad my share made you feel better........your share had made me feel better about what I had done too.  Mutual support

Your comment about being judgemental has made me feel so much better. I must admit that when I observed that people were being targeted on a daily basis, and posts were being derailed with links that had absolutely nothing to do with what was being discussed, I did feel sorely tempted to do as you had done. What stopped me though was that I found myself thinking, "They aren't being verbally abusive or saying anything that could be considered hateful, so can their behaviour really be deemed as abuse?" 

Well, in terms of being judgemental, when I saw the fateful first word of doom posted directly under one of my writings "hello" , I simply reported it as abuse to the MODS!

I do hope that the whole MOD crew (my collective terms for our moderators on this forum) have noted the content of this entire thread.  I like to believe that they have a keen eye over all such matters and the feelings of the community here.

I feel slightly uncomfortable with the images of us all with burning torches and  pitch forks hunting down a poor fellow creature like us....but the organic and spontaneous manifestation of concern and self-help for our own is really heartening.

I did wonder initially if I was being far too judgemental in my opinion of that particular individual. In light of what Catlover has said, I feel thankful that my instincts were (for once) spot on. It's frustrating that so many members ended up being targeted in one form or another.

I hadn't picked up on the person's age, so well done you for spotting that.

I've got a long stream of non replies and questions privately too. I was having to not be annoyed, but had not seen the chain of non sequiturs you mention.

Usually it is yes….

but I’ve since noticed the odd posts this person is linking. People have responded because they want to help. But this person has said they are 17 previously. So how would they have a 6yr old child for example? I’m quite annoyed now. 

Usually creepy guys who see its a female from a bio and then add and try their luck (yes....you get autistic creeps as well)....I get very few friend requests.  Which is great lol 

An observation I made, which I'm willing to admit that I could be wrong about and could just be a coincidence... I got the distinct impression that the forums were being closely monitored by a particular individual. As soon as someone they hadn't interacted with before was active in the forum, that member would immediately be targeted.

Thank you.

I think that this being sorted out will be a relief for a lot of sensitive souls on this forum, including myself.

I am sorry that you found yourself in this situation. Perhaps because of my own past experiences, I find I tend to observe the way members interact on the forum. Depending on my mood, if I think there are red flags and something seems 'off', I'll either do my best to avoid them, or else try to diplomatically voice my concerns.

I believe you have to do what feels right for you, and what feels comfortable for you.

From my own perspective, the purpose of a Friend Request is to allow private messaging. Shortly after I had discovered the NAS forum, I had accepted a Friend Request from a member that I knew I didn't have enough in common with to consider them a friend. At the time, they were lacking in confidence and reluctant to participate in the forum. I felt sorry for them and thought that I could draw them out from their shell. Eventually, I removed them as a friend because I found our messaging exchanges far too stressful. I felt horrible for doing that.

I like the forums as a way of interacting with other members. To me, it's a less pressured environment.

Shardovan said:

I'm too old and cynical at this point not to be cautious

You missed typed.....that should read "too old and wise"

Yes - I feel frustrated by any user that starts a thread and then never re-appears despite oodles of well meaning advice from many people on here.  Frankly, I find that a bit rude.......but more acutely, I hate the feeling of unresolved uncertainty that then floats around my brain.

Personally, you won't be surprised to hear that I don't assess people who choose to remain as a NAS****, but I do proceed with caution if I can see a very low 'points' score ie very new user.

I have tried to meet people half way now - I've added a profile photo and updated my bio with full personal details that I am happy to share !?

Yay hello!

(On a different note I did also report the multiple spamming links to other threads that were cross posted on other threads earlier as it was just annoying my brain so much, so don't know if mods have sorted it out yet, as it's against community rules so should have been dealt with previously)

You and me both Catlover.  Something very "off."