Driving

I passed second time at 17. I don’t know how I passed at all.

I drove right away, but wasn’t confident. I had an accident a few years later, my fault. I took my eyes off the road while changing a cassette tape that I had to listen to while driving…out out all the telephone lines on a main road, and totalled my car... I stopped driving after that for a while. Even being a passenger was tough. I drove periodically until 30 when married.

I just left all the driving to him because it was less stressful. I only drove on very rare occasions, and even then, just in my community.

When he left, I had to drive, as I took a job and needed to get there and back. That was nearly 7 years ago. I drive to work, to the drs, dentists, some shops and give occasional lifts on my terms for my daughter or my ex partner . I have a lot of anxiety about where to park, how to park, and getting lost. I can’t parallel park, and can only reverse park if I don’t think about the manoeuvres. 
I had intended driving to my autism assessment meeting Monday. I was panicking, as I didn’t want to drive there alone, despite knowing where it is. I hate a particular roundabout and one way system, and didn’t think I’d find anywhere to park, as last time I was there it was full. I chickened out 15 minutes before my appointment time! I had to get a taxi, and I was late, and angry at myself for not trying harder.

We pretty much did elope (actually a very small wedding with a small number of guests).  

Yes don't lose your driving skills.  Currency is important in maintaining skills.

Ha ha!  I've had my moments, I guess, and tried to take them.  I turned down a big job offer once because it would have meant being office-based, and that would be a no-no for me. Yes, the whole thing is the car was my space.   I'm with you on coughing people.  Depends on the airline but with kicking kids, if you're in Economy, a quiet word with the Purser may get you upgraded to Business Class if there's room (they always want to keep the peace).  

Even when not in pursuit it was fun to see the cars in front slow down even when they weren't speeding.

Ha ha ha in a FB community group, there had been police activity at the local supermarket and although it was just a safety awareness day, apparently everyone slowed down, looked both ways, and they'd never seen so many indicators being used. Made me giggle.

I do like driving. I passed a very long time ago in the 60s when I was far younger than I am now. I love to drive. It can be a stressful environment at times but I do enjoy the freedom that comes with it. Being able to go out and anywhere when I want to is lovely.

I have many good driving memories. I did a tour of the United Kingdom once with my husband and our girls we all really enjoyed that. I drove for the police for a time that had its ups and downs. Even when not in pursuit it was fun to see the cars in front slow down even when they weren't speeding. As soon as we were noticed everyone did well under the limit of speed.

I don't enjoy driving as much now. I used to do manual transmission but have switched to auto as I find it easier. The roads are more populated than they used to be and the quality of driving doesn't appear to be as good as it used to be. And the cars aren't nearly as stylish as they used to be in my opinion. But as my girls inform me I'm old now. Old and proud.

Totally agree. I need to concentrate. When we're chatting away in the car, and we reach an unfamiliar junction or busy roundabout I'll always say "I'll let you concentrate" and then we get off the junction and carry on chatting! 

I love cars as well specially older cars. My dad was a big car fan guess I got that from him.

I’m a driver,. I love cars.. 

i need complete silence if I’m unfamiliar of my surroundings   

Yes!! Automatic for me also. Hand/eye coordination goes out the window when it comes to gears. 

Smile said:

If you can find an open field

That's if the developers don't "magic" 100 houses on it overnight 

Beautiful gown! The drape on the fabric looks really luxurious.

I hated my wedding also...

my mother interfered and made it all about her, crying for attention, etc. it was humiliating and the day turned out nothing like we wanted. I ended up with a stress migraine and went to bed as soon as I could get away with it. Took us years to pay off all the debts from the day - debt we'd have never been in had we eloped, and that's all we wanted to do. (she forbade it, simply to play "weddings") I was only 25 and a people-pleaser and couldn't quite see then, just how toxic and controlling she was. Controlling the venue, the food, the guests, everything. Only the outfit I wore was my choice.

Haven't seen or spoken to her for two years now, and counting. But having said all that, I have some fantastic honeymoon pictures that I can't wait to finally get framed and put on the walls after 10 years of being in a box. I found them a few months back together with some other holiday snaps I'd totally forgotten about. A fun project for after we've completed on the house. Waiting for an update from the solicitor any day now!! 

Understand completely with a lot of what you say above. When I passed my test I only drove every now and then, I found it to be an exhausting experience. And I only ever drove automatics I could never get to grips with doing the gears for some reason :) It's good you found an instructor who welcomed nervous drivers. I went through about 3 before I found the "one" who was like that.

Yep I was the same. Didn't always enjoy driving but did appreciate having my own space and my own music. In my own car I was in control and could choose the speed I did, have the sunroof open or the air con on. I always feel uncomfortable and anxious in someone else's car.

I tended to avoid the busier places as well. I went on the motorway once, big mistake and never again! I got so stressed and had to pull over several times. When I drove and if I drive again I will always avoid busy places and roads.

There is a lot of pressure to drive and there shouldn't be really. But my parents put loads of pressure on me to get my license. Personally I was happy walking or on the bus but at the time I was also working and needed a car to get there which is why I went for it in the end. As it happens I didn't really need to as I no longer can work and don't drive at all.

Oh wow that's so interesting. See I could never bring myself to do anything like that. It would kill me! Lol I keep everything, my car which is some Volvo not sure what model though. It's a late 90s car I think. I hated my wedding absolutely hated it but I've still got my dress hanging in my wardrobe, never been able to get rid of it. When I have something I get so attached to it I can't ever let it go. This is my dress, cropped myself out so I don't break the rules :) Really pretty dress. Yours sounded lovely. I didn't wear a tiara or jewellery with mine.

PersonAnon said:

I don't feel I have anything to prove, to anyone

Something we can all live by.

I have the same rule about driving, I've always been very law abiding and conscientious. If I see someone coming up behind and they're driving too fast, I start to slow down to close the gap, and force them to do the same. If they want to overtake, I try to allow extra space for them to do so. If they want to wrap their car/bike around a tree they'd better go and do it, and leave me be. I've been thanked by bikers before who have seen me making space for them to overtake.

I can see why driving is comforting to you - you're fully in control, and it's your own space. I understand totally.

Sounds like you've had quite an exciting life! I'm not very well travelled, but, maybe one day. I'm a bit uneasy about flying because of all those coughing people in close proximity, and there's always, always, either someone in front of you with the seat reclined for the entire flight or a kid kicking my ass for 9 hours (this happened once, asked the mother to please stop the child kicking (this was 3-4 hours in, couldn't tolerate it any more) and she said I'd ruined her kids holiday because he should be able to kick kick kick away, come on!)

*Raises hand

I did used to get like that at times it all depended on how bad my anxiety was. It was different every day for me. I can remember some days where I burst in to tears behind the wheel and sometimes I had to pull over and wait until I was less anxious. 

Good idea it might also be an idea to put it in to drive and reverse and go back and forth a few times just so you get the feel of the car. There's no pressure with that. If you can find an open field you could drive in there as well as no one else will be around. I used to do that if things had got bad.

It just shows how different we all are. I know that it's common for people on the spectrum to struggle with driving.   For me it's the reverse ... being in the car on a long journey is precious time.  I'm one of those people for whom driving seems almost like a natural state of being. It's what is sometimes called a 'compensating' factor for me.   Believe me, I have plenty of the other sort, so I'll take what I can get!  

I passed my test at 17 and have been a high mileage driver - for business - all my life. One year, in the late 80s, I did 100,000 miles in one year, when I believe the average annual mileage for drivers was about 9K (you have to pretty much live in a car to do that!)

In my 20s, I had a client in Belgium, and would quite often drive over after work, stay overnight, have a meeting over breakfast, and be back in the office in London well before close of business. I can barely remember the client (who was OK, but had some seriously triggering colleagues), but I remember so many of those drives.

I used to get up early and drive to Carlisle for breakfast with a client who came down from Edinburgh to meet me, and again, I'd be back in the office sometime in the early afternoon.  Through London at 4am (the M25 was incomplete), minding the drunks coming out of the clubs, through Birmingham before the rush-hour started, sun-up would be somewhere on the M6 long before the conglomeration of motorway interlinks that it has now, stop for a pee at Charnock Richard services (far less obnoxious than it is now).  Rush hour would happen across the UK as I had breakfast with the client and by the time I hit Birmingham southbound I'd get through with no stopping because everyone was in their offices.  I had a little BMW coupe, then, which was my own, private space.  I loved it, and ordered the same company car (allowing for updates), every year, without even thinking about it, for nearly 10 years (apart from moving to boring four doors when I had a family and practicality called).   

Pre pandemic (and 30 years later) I was still doing about 40,000 miles a year (in a car more suited to an old git, tho). I don't drive as a job - I just need to drive, in order to do my job.  But I'd never have done a job which was just office-based, I'd have been unable to cope with that. I can well remember wanting to get out, urgently, and into my car, because of what I used to half-jokingly call "intensive people" in the office. I had no idea, then, that I was autistic; makes perfect sense, now.

For most of my working life about 5-10,000 of the annual mileage has been in the US and Europe.  I completed multiple advanced driving courses on two Continents (defensive, tactical protection, track driving, rally driving, rough terrain, high performance sports, snow, ice, single seaters, skid pan, karts, you name it). I did some of these through work but also paid for quite a few of them myself.

I've driven pretty much every type of car as well as trucks, vans, buses, tractors, motorbikes, quads etc etc etc. I've driven high performance cars on Thruxton, Silverstone, Bruntingthorpe, Brands, the Nurburgring, Spa-Francorchamps, Knockhill, Croft, and many others over 40 years, as well as ice-covered private roads (on courses) in Scandinavia, Alaska, and the Mid West.  In the loft, somewhere, there's a hold-all filled with little bits and bobs of tarnished silverware, for winning the odd little amatuer thing every now and then (but I didn't do it for competitive reasons, I did it to improve my driving skills). 

I learned to fly (and used that extensively for business), and I believe the same mental motivation that leads me to enjoy driving was in play when I flew.  I loved - absolutely, totally, loved - flying alone.  I have some precious memories of being at circa 15,000 feet above The Channel on beautiful sunny mornings, heading for a regular meeting in France, and it was best when no one was up there with me to spoil the peace of the moment; I'm there in my dreams, quite often.   

I had the same attitude - I did advanced flying courses, advanced meteorology, and studied every aspect of aviation obsessively.  My private pilot's license has now lapsed and I've since been diagnosed with depression so those days are over (it would be near-impossible to get through the annual medical).  But driving holds no fears for me and it can still be a way of de-stressing.

I don't dawdle but I am religious about speed limits - absolutely religious about it.  One of the ways I test myself is to always know the speed limit of the road I'm on. Always.  I let boy racers go, and facilitate their overtaking where I can (but have front-and-rear 360 degree cameras and twice in about 15 years have given footage to the Police that led to convictions for serious offences). 

I relax in the car (I don't mean I go to sleep - I mean I de-stress; I can drive 300 miles to a job, spend all day working on location, get a bit stressy about it all - very stressy with the wrong type of client - and can't wait to get back in the car, and shut the door on all that).

I'm not a cliche male 'driver' - I'm not macho (I'm definitely not macho, in any way at all, driving or not). I'm tediously law-abiding. If other drivers on the motorway annoy me I pull off for a coffee and a pee. I don't feel I have anything to prove, to anyone, but I believe that as a driver, you never stop learning. I've loved every bit of new tech that's come in to cars and I can't wait to understand it, and master it.

I do most (not all) of my driving alone, which doesn't bother me at all.  The car is my bubble, and I'll take any and every opportunity to improve my driving skills and challenge myself.  On a long journey I will do at least 30 minutes of continuous commentary (which you're taught to do on some advanced driving courses).   

One of the biggest fears for me about getting old is my goegraphical horizons shrinking, the walls closing in, and losing the ability to drive, at least to the level that would satisfy me.  Hopefully 15-20 years away, yet.   I'm not a poet, but if I was, I'd be moved to verse by a life-long love affair with driving, the experiences it has brought me, and the special moments I've had in, and around, and because of cars, all over the world.

It hasn't been my life, I have it in perspective, but it's been a much-loved part of it. (If you're still reading, then I'm sorry, and I admire your patience - here endeth the valediction!)

I drive!  But it's actually strange to hear myself saying that because, due to massive anxiety, I've had a very long and difficult relationship with driving.  

I've also found that my driving-related anxiety nests within various other anxieties that, I think, are feeding on the same insecurities, which have probably built up from early childhood onwards.  So, at it's core, it sits within what might be termed "generalised anxiety", my relationship with myself, others and the world.  To summarise, I'm a generally anxious person who has also specialised in other anxieties and phobias - driving, public speaking, heights and spiders, to name other prominent ones.  

My set piece on driving  :) :-

For decades, in fact long before discovering I am autistic, I have had difficulties with driving. High anxiety, fear of judgement or possible confrontation from others, difficulty co-ordinating gears, speed and road position whist feeling very nervous, the pressure of knowing I wouldn't be able to access various opportunties in life without this skill, shame over the whole process taking an undue length of time (over 100 lessons initially to get me there), anxiety about travelling to new places, fear of doing something wrong (with possibly disastrous consequences) plus feeling very conspicuous in a large lump of metal on wheels (my mistakes can't be hidden - oh no!)  

No! You're in the same boat as me then. I hadn't driven for a few weeks as I'd changed jobs and no longer commuted by car. Got behind the wheel and had a panic attack, and just sat there sobbing. Since then I've only moved the car from one parking space to another in the communal car park at our old flat - that's it!

We are looking at getting a newer car (still second hand) that's more suitable. I like the cabin of the car to be very compact, with a nice, upright seat. I'll likely take some refresher lessons in our own car when I move house so I can get used to the new road layouts.