Overthinking - how to deal with it

I’ve met plenty of drama queens during my time on the gay scene many years ago and they were off the scale 

Perhaps that’s why my family in Ireland firmly believe and maintain that I need ultra strict discipline to manage this condition via a live in carer or residential placement in order to (make) me “cop myself on” according to traditional Catholic Social Teaching 

The term “overthinking” has always bothered me, as it’s always been in my experience, been used as a bullying tactic, as a way of shutting down certain conversations that are deemed by others (bullies) to be “negative” or “inappropriate” where it is deemed that the person with autism is “wrong” (by default) on all issues, regardless of the merits of any issues - and needs to become (silently) obedient and (silently) compliant without any response, question, objection nor any other comments - one is usually told to “cop yourself on” (and far ruder/abusive versions of this) due to a total refusal to understand it in any other terms, except from a discipline standpoint/mindset 

It would seem that you need to work on your spontaneity skills.

Where overthinking is concerned, and by proxy perfectionism, it can be the case that you think you way out of doing things.

I would recommend that to get a dice, like ‘Rory’s story cubes’ or an actual dice and write a table of relative activities, and literally roll the dice on what you do. For me, I roll the dice on what I draw, so that I can actually get to drawing. The goal is to surrender to chaos! Enjoy!

I read today that you cannot doodle and think at the same time. It's not about producing artwork; more about keeping your hands busy and focusing on the activity. You can experiment and see if it helps. I'm going to test the suggestion myself.

Alice said:

Anyone have any insights into why that might be?

On the extremely rare occasions that I have felt very angry, I do feel like a different person (someone who really scares me frankly) so it is wholly reasonable to understand why I would speak of "the angry me" person in the 3rd person.

I do both, depending on my mood.  I tap on a keyboard and/or write on paper.

*gulps*   

I can't really be angry to any great extent, because being so makes me ill and confused. In many respects, my childhood home life didn't prepare me for confrontations or upset.

I have learnt never to send a first draft of a letter haha. When I'm angry, I can be brutal. You can literally feel the rage burning off the page, or me if you're foolish enough to provoke me to my face. Scathing is a pretty apt description of my tone. Interestingly, the times that I have torn people down in person, I remember in the third person. It's like the rage takes over and pushes my consciousness out of my head and I'm just floating above, watching. Huh, now I think about it, many of my memories of high stress/emotional situations are in the third person. Anyone have any insights into why that might be?

My mother used to write things down rather than fire-off a letter of complaint to a company or whatever. This habit soothed her, cleared her mind, and led her to understand anger a little better (she was a very passive person, and likely autistic).

I get the impression that this arguably related habit is familiar to women especially, whereas men are more likely to express their anger fully and in a showy manner - something which gives the lie to the noun 'drama queen' -  though, of course, I'm guilty of generalising here.

I've lost track of my own point now so instead I'm going to post my favourite emoticon, one which endlessly amuses my immature mind.  

Farewell!

*scoots off*

I prefer pen and paper as it's more personal and it feels more real or permanent somehow. I find I need that connection when it comes to dealing with what goes through my head. However, I don't think it really matters, it's probably different for everyone. Maybe try both?

I’m autistic so I take things literally.  When you say write it down is it best done with inky pen and paper, or does it matter if it is typed onto laptop or into phone? 

The autistic brain tends toward analysis. Go with it. Nurture it. 

Before I knew anything about Autism, I would be told this. Until one day I started responding with, NO. You're not thinking enough. Because after spending years diving into philosophy, supported by libraries full of others who not only also indulged in "over-thinking" but their thinking proved useful to the future that lived beyond them, I felt no reason to stop. 

What can be missing from one's 'toolbox' can be the criteria for harnessing thought so that it becomes worth while. Or a little logic formula to understand how to interrogate thought and work out what riddles we might be trouble shooting. Or what complicated systems we are trying to resolve. 

I used to be bothered by things I didn't have a term/ID/word for. But I second the 'write it out'. Somewhere your sub-conscious is giving you clues to things of interest, ideas that might be meaningful, potentials you might have untapped. Follow the thoughts. Most likely, you have not engaged with them, exhausted and resolved them.

I agree. Writing can be a very good way to organise your thoughts. I find my brain worries less when I've written something down: almost like it thinks - it's ok, I've dealt with that now.

I deal with over thinking, by writing it down.  Occasionally I send what I have written BUT BE CAREFUL WITH THAT!  The process of forcing yourself to write cogently about the matter can deliver clarity to my mind.

Like you I am also powerless over my overthinking.   If I fight it it gets stronger so I need to rely on something that’s not my own will power.  You are doing that by looking to other powers such as are available here.  Your searching is the solution in action.

I can definitely empathise with that (despite what my empathy test scores say!).  I guess I would try to set a time limit (I will send this email before my next tea break etc.)  then I wouldn't have time to overthink it, not that I take my own advice. You then just need to avoid the temptation to pick apart and criticise what you've done.  I try to tell myself that I made the best decision I could at the time given my knowledge, skills and resources.   

I'm not good at being spontaneous but it does reduce the time to worry about the meeting up with people if you can do that.  Over-thinking interests is probably very common and only a problem if it stresses you out or interferes with other things you want to do or your responsibilities.

Not sure if that helps, but I just wanted to say that I feel your pain! A counsellor I once had used to call it catastrophising.

Hi Rainbowgirl,

I find distraction helps. I often choose stimulating situations, as for some reason I feel more peaceful inside when there are lots of things going on around me (I have the ability to tune it all out and the dampening effect works on the noise inside my head too). However, I have also found physical activity to help. I particularly like swimming and cycling, as they can be done alone and I can focus on the mechanics - thereby reducing the intrusive thoughts.

Good luck in finding what works for you, and welcome to the community

I'm afraid that I can't really offer any advice, but just to say that I can be prone to overthinking too. Therefore, I can sympathise.