Hello everyone. Early stages,wanting diagnosis and second visit to GP.

steven said:

My Gp explained to me that isolation is a bad thing also and logically i can see the point, how ever its the only time i feel comfortable and content.

As teen i'd play in the house one my own with my Lego and Mechano, build different things and make my own Suspentions systems for Vehicals that i'd build.

Complete isolation is a bad thing. Having some time in each day, or a complete day, when you are on your own is a good thing. It is seems important for people with ASD that we have some time alone to recharge our energy and to think and reflect on things that have happened.

I gave an example of my discomfort to my Gp, when i was on the Taxi a Woman her child got in the car 'child being about 5' i said hello are you going to? 'The address i had on my screen' which she just make a grunt too, then proceeded to open a bag of Crisps, i could here the packet rustle everytime and she took some and i'd her chew every mouth full and at the end had the cheek to dust her hands off over the foot well 'how rude and how is this acceptable'.

I gave this example to my Gp and he said '***' as if to see light of it, how ever i explained this was one example and that i picked upwards of 50 People per shift and this included People communicating with each other to loudly either over the Phone or talking to each other to loudly, it hurts my Ears. If i say anything to these poeple the get Angry or Upset and won't listen to any logic. All that makes me feel more isolated, and after even just an 8 hour shift my head has gone, i can explain it as i don't know the feeling myself but i find i'm stopping at green lights and don't seem to be able to concentraite as well, I cant put my finger on it.

People have very different personalities. Some are clever, some stupid. Some are happy, some are sad. Some are introverted some are extraverts. Some of your customers will have autism, most won't. I used to hate it if a taxi driver spoke to me but now I am happy to exchange little bits of information. If you get a rude person, or a person that doesn't want to talk then you can stop making an effort and just get on with the driving and look forward to the next person who will be nice to you. Out of 50 people in a day I am sure there will be a few who are really nice?

To say to go back to work and don't isolate myself seems illogical given all this and more I havn't mentiond.

I think it has to be bearable and there is no point being angry and miserable. Is there a way that you can make it more bearable by seeing if you can ignore some of the rude people and if you can perhaps use the time between customers as recovery time on your own? Would it amuse you to keep a chart of the number of people who are rude/polite/happy/saqd etc that you meet each day. (as long as it doesn't become an obsession!)

In the past as a teen when i had couselling and i always needed a logical answer, and people often said i had an answer for everything. Which makes this more complicated, as it has to make logical sense to me and if i can't see it the logic behind it explained, which even i can see makes it more difficult

As a child at school I used to think that everything could be explained. Many things can be explained. It is possible to find an explanation about why we have autism but it is complicated. It is possible to explain why your last customer was unbearably rude but it is complicated. As I have got older I have realised that the explanations just get more and more complicated because there are so many variables. I think that we need to just try and understand a part of the world if we don't want to spend our whole lives finding explanations for everything.

I visit my Mam every day lately as part of routine and getting abit of fresh air, but certain days i can't stay long and feel very uncomfortable, if i get something to eat i need to check between the prongs of the fork, the serrations of the knife and feel the surface of the plate for a greasy residue or feel or look for signs of debris. Oftern we'll sit and watch the Tv despite the fact we're 45cm's ish apart i tend to move a couple of cusions between us and i can see out of my the corner of my eye each time she moves andi find it distracting and discomfortaing, even though i try to hide all this and don't mention any of it to spare her feelings.

Do you talk to your mum about your problems or things that have gone well? Do you ask your mum about her problems or the things that have gone well for her?

The walk their's much the same the lights to bright and makes me frown and the traffic noise and different noises going and make me cringe. I live in Town now because i lost my flat where i liked last year due to rent arrears and theres constant Traffic noise 'even with the window closed' Hospital up the road always Sirens from Ambulance or Police or noise from the Police Helicopter. 

Sensitivity to bright lights and sounds are common for people with ASD. I have to cover my ears if a fire engine goes past. It bothers me less now because I know its just part of the package of having an ASD. Having an explanation helps me to be less stressed about some of these things.

I hope an assesment and proper diagnosis can give me some clarety and i understand that they must be similarities between me and other people but up to now i can't see it so its just a waiting game.

I hope so too. I have had a really good year since I was diagnosed. It hasn't gone 100% brilliant but it is definitely better than the year before which was quite awful.

Brings me onto College interview i didn't go, based upon the logic that without this i can't go to Uni, and that i only get one lot of funding for these A levels and if i start it without being able to finish it thats the chance gone and i can't afford the money my self.

If i have a diagnosis and a plan to go forward i at least have an idea how to deal with social situations and move forward.

I think you have a good plan. It takes quite a while to really understand what the ASD means. It has taken me a year and I am still working things out.

In my Teens i was a keen Cyclist and use to have cirtern routes and times for doing these. i'd do them in reverse and record, ave time , speed and do sprints the last 2 tenth's of a mile and i got the the stage where i wanted to start competing in Cross country Mountain biking events, i then later found out that i had a Bicuspit Aourtic Valve which to me ment that i could compete at a competative level.

Taking the times and making records is a very typical thing for someone with ASD. That isn't a bad thing to do though. But, did you ever just ride and enjoy the scenery and enjoy the fact that you were on your own and no-one was bothering you?

I then joined the gym after a bit of time and i started doing more strength and power training. From the start and with little reading but alot of common sence and trying to feel the correct movement, i was progressing and started to lift more weight over time. this suited me more as i'm 5'6'' and 13 stone. Cycling required me to keep at a slower candace and rely more on power, the gym work was more natural to me but as time went on people started talking to me and asking stuff and i felt abliged to answer and get involved. I was a member there and after 6 years and working there the last 6 month that i was there, i left and feel i didn't want to go back, speak to anyone from there and i have not trained for a long time.

I used to play squash (badly - it seems in hindsight that I am a bit dyspraxic!) in gyms. I never fancied joining and doing the weights and things. I don't think I wanted to do that sort of thing with other people watching. I have an elliptical trainer machine at home now and quite enjoy doing that as I can do it while listening to the radio.

I know this is long but its the smallest of which i can give any example to, apreachiate feed back, thanks sock and any one else that posts a response as they are all good points of view and give me a broader view.

Everyone's posts can make us think and reflect on ourselves too. your posts have reminded me about cycling and other things that I do. Often, we do things without thinking and responding to a post like yours makes me think harder about things so thank you for sharing your thoughts.

:-)

Hi Socks, and Thanks.

I'll try to be as concise asi can.

My Gp explained to me that isolation is a bad thing also and logically i can see the point, how ever its the only time i feel comfortable and content.

As teen i'd play in the house one my own with my Lego and Mechano, build different things and make my own Suspentions systems for Vehicals that i'd build.

I gave an example of my discomfort to my Gp, when i was on the Taxi a Woman her child got in the car 'child being about 5' i said hello are you going to? 'The address i had on my screen' which she just make a grunt too, then proceeded to open a bag of Crisps, i could here the packet rustle everytime and she took some and i'd her chew every mouth full and at the end had the cheek to dust her hands off over the foot well 'how rude and how is this acceptable'.

I gave this example to my Gp and he said '***' as if to see light of it, how ever i explained this was one example and that i picked upwards of 50 People per shift and this included People communicating with each other to loudly either over the Phone or talking to each other to loudly, it hurts my Ears. If i say anything to these poeple the get Angry or Upset and won't listen to any logic. All that makes me feel more isolated, and after even just an 8 hour shift my head has gone, i can explain it as i don't know the feeling myself but i find i'm stopping at green lights and don't seem to be able to concentraite as well, I cant put my finger on it.

To say to go back to work and don't isolate myself seems illogical given all this and more I havn't mentiond. 

In the past as a teen when i had couselling and i always needed a logical answer, and people often said i had an answer for everything. Which makes this more complicated, as it has to make logical sense to me and if i can't see it the logic behind it explained, which even i can see makes it more difficult  

I visit my Mam every day lately as part of routine and getting abit of fresh air, but certain days i can't stay long and feel very uncomfortable, if i get something to eat i need to check between the prongs of the fork, the serrations of the knife and feel the surface of the plate for a greasy residue or feel or look for signs of debris. Oftern we'll sit and watch the Tv despite the fact we're 45cm's ish apart i tend to move a couple of cusions between us and i can see out of my the corner of my eye each time she moves andi find it distracting and discomfortaing, even though i try to hide all this and don't mention any of it to spare her feelings.

The walk their's much the same the lights to bright and makes me frown and the traffic noise and different noises going and make me cringe. I live in Town now because i lost my flat where i liked last year due to rent arrears and theres constant Traffic noise 'even with the window closed' Hospital up the road always Sirens from Ambulance or Police or noise from the Police Helicopter. 

I hope an assesment and proper diagnosis can give me some clarety and i understand that they must be similarities between me and other people but up to now i can't see it so its just a waiting game.

Brings me onto College interview i didn't go, based upon the logic that without this i can't go to Uni, and that i only get one lot of funding for these A levels and if i start it without being able to finish it thats the chance gone and i can't afford the money my self.

If i have a diagnosis and a plan to go forward i at least have an idea how to deal with social situations and move forward.

In my Teens i was a keen Cyclist and use to have cirtern routes and times for doing these. i'd do them in reverse and record, ave time , speed and do sprints the last 2 tenth's of a mile and i got the the stage where i wanted to start competing in Cross country Mountain biking events, i then later found out that i had a Bicuspit Aourtic Valve which to me ment that i could compete at a competative level.

I then joined the gym after a bit of time and i started doing more strength and power training. From the start and with little reading but alot of common sence and trying to feel the correct movement, i was progressing and started to lift more weight over time. this suited me more as i'm 5'6'' and 13 stone. Cycling required me to keep at a slower candace and rely more on power, the gym work was more natural to me but as time went on people started talking to me and asking stuff and i felt abliged to answer and get involved. I was a member there and after 6 years and working there the last 6 month that i was there, i left and feel i didn't want to go back, speak to anyone from there and i have not trained for a long time.

I know this is long but its the smallest of which i can give any example to, apreachiate feed back, thanks sock and any one else that posts a response as they are all good points of view and give me a broader view.

Thanks Steven..

Hi Steven,

Isolation can be a bad thing for a number of reasons. If you don't meet with people then your thinking and ideas can go off at a tangent because you aren't able to check what you are thinking against what other people think. An unreasonable idea can take root and you may find that you are becoming more reclusive and even more different and alienated from the rest of society.

A breakdown happens when you lose control of managing your work or your personal life. I don't know if alll breakdowns are the same (I don't expect so) - I had a breakdown/crisis last year and had become stressed/depressed/unreasonable. The diagnosis gave me an explanation for what had happened and it allowed me to understand how I was different from other people but also how we are not so different. People with ASD do care and have emotions and needs and desires, we often hide them and fail to express them well but being human means that we are social animals that need, and thrive best, on contact and exchanging ideas. If you want to do engineering then you have to be able to swap ideas with your teachers and fellow students. Being challenged and being able to challenge and interact is an important part of studying. Losing your emotions may be a sign of being in a bad mental state so I would recommend that you pursue the diagnosis and mental health treatment (ideally with CBT rather than drugs) through your GP.

Back to the exercise question. As an ASD I would recommend working out a way of exercising that gives you time alone. Running or cycling or swimming are all good methods as you can be alone with your thoughts and you do not need to interact with other gym members or to belong to c lub to do this.

Did you go for your interview? How did it go?

Hi Louise ,my interview is for Tuesday, i wonder if i'm best placed to purspone this till next year. I have no doubt in my abilities to be able to complete the course more doubt my abilities to  be able to fifnsh it. i have one shot at this course and can't fail it i won't be able to do it again and wont get to Uni.

Yes you may be wright that i'm becoming more isolated but i feel as it may give me an oppertunitey to be able to apply logic to things.

I have felt no emotion duering this process, couln'd this even be considerd a 'break down'? i merely struggle to make sense of this imformation.

Does a 'break down have to be emmotinal?

Issolation/indapendance is this a bad thing i've always though more clearly on my own?

Your opinions welcome all the best Steven

Hi again Louise your feed back is welcome to me as i had always thougt id was able to anilise everything, though it has started to becomeclear to me that i have overlooked alot as there is alot i can't explain.

Any feed back you have will be welcome'd by me as i have alot to learen and am not so arrogant to think i know it all by know means.

Do you have a normal relatisionship? i have always anilised and women seen to look away and seem to be uncofatable tought im only trying to anilise facial expressions and body launguage.

Hi Louise and thank you for your feed back as i've never anlised myself, i've always assumd and find it difficut to assume that logic is wrong. i'm hoping my GP can add light the the sonarieo that i may be wrong in certain area's.

After 2.5 weeks the citaloram don't seem to have made any difference, i have now ever found myself drinking a bit, some of the last few post i've made 'which i appolagizse for if have not being very usful at times.'Most have been made after 12 cans of beer which is nothing to be proud of.

I didn't know i had the capablility to drink so much, i don't undersand this urge but it makes me feel more relaxed though i seem to spend more time gathering data reguarding govenrment spending and Defence which hasn't been so important before.

All the best and kind reguards Steven