Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone my names Steven and i'm 29, i'll try to be as consise and as accurate as i can be and i'd appreciate any feed back, Thank you.
I had trouble being in School as a Child. In Primery School was branded as lasy up until Yr6 where i ended up attending some sort of centre out of School, i can't remember much of this or the feeling though i can remember the inside of my Headmasters Car whom took me there. I now know that his car at the time was a 1st model of the Rover 400 and since i have been able to identify the Stain Glass windows that i remember from that centre in can now identfy the location of this this centre as a result of passing by inprevious years.
At Secondry School i had much the same troubles and from Yr7 to Yr9 i'd moved 2 Schools. I never had any Friends and wasnt able to make any, my interest in certern subjects was quielled by peoples bulling and teachers lach of ability to see or identifiy how interested i was and most were messing about.
From leaving School i went to College and up on Leaning that they were just Teaching me at level 1 after 2 years i left feeling that this was a waste of time and they had let me down, I was under the impession that i was studing level2 after an early departure from School.
From then age of 18 i got my first job at 21 after being unemployed. My first Job was at Tesco on nights filling shelves and doing odd warehouse work while the shop was closed, after 2.5 years i left Tesco. After which i picked up a job as a Maintenance man at McDonalds near my home, id been a customer after each shift at Tesco for 2 years.
My Maintenace job by the end i was responsable of repairs to the fabric of the Building 'more than ican explain here' and contractors for specilist jobs.
I ordered the stock which was around £50,000 a month and orded the operational supplies with a budget of £800 per month though i could achive this easly in £650 per month with strict and reasonable controls and accurate proscedures
After this i started and finished my Taxi Liesence, as i thought i could learn at College and do this as its flexible.
I want to go to college to do Enginnering but worry abut my ability to be able to finish it.
Lately i have no idea whats happend or me or how to explain it, i use to be able to analise things and explain it in a logical context.
Now i feel confused, working on the Taxi 'which has been a year and a half' i have no idea how to process this. it feels like to much has happened i have non idea what to make of it.
I use to be able to put everything into order and now it feels like so much has happend i have no idea what to make of it.
I use to be able to anilise peoples behviour now it feels that its moving to fast for me to anilize.
Any questions Pleas ask as it helps me as much as you thanks Steven...
Hi Socks, and Thanks.
I'll try to be as concise asi can.
My Gp explained to me that isolation is a bad thing also and logically i can see the point, how ever its the only time i feel comfortable and content.
As teen i'd play in the house one my own with my Lego and Mechano, build different things and make my own Suspentions systems for Vehicals that i'd build.
I gave an example of my discomfort to my Gp, when i was on the Taxi a Woman her child got in the car 'child being about 5' i said hello are you going to? 'The address i had on my screen' which she just make a grunt too, then proceeded to open a bag of Crisps, i could here the packet rustle everytime and she took some and i'd her chew every mouth full and at the end had the cheek to dust her hands off over the foot well 'how rude and how is this acceptable'.
I gave this example to my Gp and he said '***' as if to see light of it, how ever i explained this was one example and that i picked upwards of 50 People per shift and this included People communicating with each other to loudly either over the Phone or talking to each other to loudly, it hurts my Ears. If i say anything to these poeple the get Angry or Upset and won't listen to any logic. All that makes me feel more isolated, and after even just an 8 hour shift my head has gone, i can explain it as i don't know the feeling myself but i find i'm stopping at green lights and don't seem to be able to concentraite as well, I cant put my finger on it.
To say to go back to work and don't isolate myself seems illogical given all this and more I havn't mentiond.
In the past as a teen when i had couselling and i always needed a logical answer, and people often said i had an answer for everything. Which makes this more complicated, as it has to make logical sense to me and if i can't see it the logic behind it explained, which even i can see makes it more difficult
I visit my Mam every day lately as part of routine and getting abit of fresh air, but certain days i can't stay long and feel very uncomfortable, if i get something to eat i need to check between the prongs of the fork, the serrations of the knife and feel the surface of the plate for a greasy residue or feel or look for signs of debris. Oftern we'll sit and watch the Tv despite the fact we're 45cm's ish apart i tend to move a couple of cusions between us and i can see out of my the corner of my eye each time she moves andi find it distracting and discomfortaing, even though i try to hide all this and don't mention any of it to spare her feelings.
The walk their's much the same the lights to bright and makes me frown and the traffic noise and different noises going and make me cringe. I live in Town now because i lost my flat where i liked last year due to rent arrears and theres constant Traffic noise 'even with the window closed' Hospital up the road always Sirens from Ambulance or Police or noise from the Police Helicopter.
I hope an assesment and proper diagnosis can give me some clarety and i understand that they must be similarities between me and other people but up to now i can't see it so its just a waiting game.
Brings me onto College interview i didn't go, based upon the logic that without this i can't go to Uni, and that i only get one lot of funding for these A levels and if i start it without being able to finish it thats the chance gone and i can't afford the money my self.
If i have a diagnosis and a plan to go forward i at least have an idea how to deal with social situations and move forward.
In my Teens i was a keen Cyclist and use to have cirtern routes and times for doing these. i'd do them in reverse and record, ave time , speed and do sprints the last 2 tenth's of a mile and i got the the stage where i wanted to start competing in Cross country Mountain biking events, i then later found out that i had a Bicuspit Aourtic Valve which to me ment that i could compete at a competative level.
I then joined the gym after a bit of time and i started doing more strength and power training. From the start and with little reading but alot of common sence and trying to feel the correct movement, i was progressing and started to lift more weight over time. this suited me more as i'm 5'6'' and 13 stone. Cycling required me to keep at a slower candace and rely more on power, the gym work was more natural to me but as time went on people started talking to me and asking stuff and i felt abliged to answer and get involved. I was a member there and after 6 years and working there the last 6 month that i was there, i left and feel i didn't want to go back, speak to anyone from there and i have not trained for a long time.
I know this is long but its the smallest of which i can give any example to, apreachiate feed back, thanks sock and any one else that posts a response as they are all good points of view and give me a broader view.
Thanks Steven..