Decision making

I do struggle to make decisions when asked by someone else. However, alone i follow my instinct, which usually works out for me, possibly at times impulsive

I can see this thread is a little old, but I wanted to say that I totally understand how decision-making can be a real challenge sometimes. It's not always easy to narrow down the possibilities and choose one option. When faced with the question of what you'd like to do, it's normal to feel unsure or go with the flow. However, I wanted to share something that has been helping me recently. I recently came across a great coin flip simulator at [link removed by Moderator]. It might sound simple, but it's actually quite helpful when you're in moments of strong doubt. You can use it to simulate a coin flip and let chance make the decision for you. It adds a fun element to the process and takes some of the pressure off.

A helpful approach in the decision-making process is to break down the decision into smaller, more manageable steps. Instead of looking at the big picture, focus on the immediate choices or actions you can take. This can help reduce the overwhelming feeling and make the decision-making process less daunting.

decisions are made with the emotions, so you have to be able to feel what you feel, as i have the alexythemia thing where you can't hear your emotions i can't really do it, but don't use your head, you're barking up the wrong tree there. Head for money etc, otherwise just feelings - whether it's your sensory (what to eat?) or emotional

I am the same.people ask me what I wanna do and I say I don't mind what ever you like.then I get for once Katharine you pick and I am thinking well what if u don't like what I pick

Just found this thread. Yes yes yes. I never would have thought this a connection but decision making and change are as you have all said above. It's a miracle that I have got the plastering done and now getting decorated. Now I wonder why I waited so long. However the other things balancing against that decision are still waiting but can't have everything at once. So pleased you mentioned this topic. Without such descriptions I end up thinking it's just me unable to do things. 

Decisions can be difficult. For me, the fact that there can be more than one right answer is what leads to the fog. "Go swimming" and "See a movie" are both right answers, but which one am I supposed to be doing this weekend?

Lists help me. I would write a list of all the things that interest me that I would like to do, then you can just pick the top one off the list next time someone asks, then cross it off when you've done it. This will help you prepare in advance for the inevitable question.

Also, throwing the choice back for the final stage can help. One time my wife wanted me to buy a radio. I went online, managed to whittle the different models down to 2 based on the features I wanted, but I couldn't make that final decision, it was just too hard. So I gave the decision back to her to make - "out of these two which would you like?".

You could pick 2 random activities then ask them out of these two which they'd prefer to do this weekend. It stops you having to do all the choosing, shows you made an effort and are involved in the decision, and makes you seem thoughtful of their feelings :)

I really get this a lot too. I get really anxious about it as well, if someone asks what I want to do. The fog comes on, and then I start to panic because I don't know and can't think how to get out of the situation!

I had some sessions with an autism psychologist after I was diagnosed and she showed me it is not my responsibility to think of something, as thinking things up and making decisions can be really hard or impossible for autistic people. We practiced me asking other people to help me with the question, by me saying I was finding it hard and could they help me with it. The best thing I found was asking the other person to give me some options for things I or we could do. That way the other person - presuming they are someone trusted - will only suggest reasonable, safe, realistic and possible things, and I have some concrete possibilities in front of me to choose from. This helps me a lot because a lot of the problem is I cannot think things up easily and as you said, when I do they can be a bit unrealistic or ridiculous because I can't think them through or see them in any context.

This only works of course with people I can trust and who are reasonable and realistic about the way my brain works, but it works really well most of the time! Also I have had to 'write it in' to my autopilot because I cannot recall things on the spot and so I forget to ask for help if I'm not careful. We practice it every day at home so I do it automatically, which is the only way I can do anything.

Hope it helps

I can totally relate to the stresses of changing jobs and a few months back I did the same. 

I went through exactly the same worries, such as what if I do like it or I am not any good at it etc. I really had to force myself to go through with it and really relax as such until I had gotten through my first day and realised all my concerns were for nothing.

Change has the same impact on me also. I try to be positive about it at first but that knot of worry with creep in the closer I get to the change until I get to the point that I just want things to stay the same as "sameness" feels safe.

There is definitely comfort in numbers, knowing I am not the only one :) 

Thanks both for your responses 

Hi grendalsbane,

Wow - you couldn't have raised a more pertinent issue for me.  Everything you've said here applies to me.  Seeming vague and indecisive to other people, over-analysing, always wanting to refer to other people to help me make important decisions, thinking myself out of sensible choices.  I've done it for as long as I can remember, and still do it now.

For instance, I recently got the offer of a job specialising in work with autistic people - an area I want to work in, having worked in general special needs care for 12 years.  Also, the hours suit me better, and don't involve weekend work.  The salary is a bit better and the working conditions and perks are excellent.  What's to be questioned?  The location, though, meant I would need to get a car.  Okay - I had enough in savings to buy a small car.  No problem.

But I spent days and days agonising over it.  Did I really want a car?  Why didn't I stay put at my old job, which I liked even if it wasn't ideal?  Why this?  Why that?  What if so-and-so?  In the end, I spilled it all out on my Facebook page - because, although I knew what the right course of action was, I couldn't settle on it.

Various suggestions were put to me.  Do a 'Pros and Cons' list was the main thing.  The trouble with those is, I then have to 'weight' the value of each pro and each con - I can't just use one to offset another.  Then I came on here and mentioned it... and the response was overwhelmingly the one that I knew to be right, anyway!  It's almost as if I lacked the confidence to make that final decision.  But even now that I'm set on it, I'm still questioning myself.  I'm still analysing it from all possible angles.  What if the car breaks down?  What if I don't like the job?  And so on and on and on...

Most people would regard this as 'dithering' or 'indecision' or 'chronic lack of confidence'.  I think though, actually, it's part of my wiring that demands full and absolute assessment.  I can't do spontaneity.  I have to give a lot of thought to things.  Someone said to me recently - just an acquaintance at a bereavement support group I was going to - 'You do tend to over-analyse things too much.'  And that was just based on a few things I'd said over the weeks about caring for mum, and the things I'd done afterwards.

I'm not the best one, I'm afraid, to offer strategies.  The one thing I have found, though, is that if I get a gut instinct about something, or about a person or situation, my gut is generally proved right.  I've turned down so many really good opportunities in my life - for education, for travel - because I've ignored my gut and listened to my head.  Or... listened to other people and allowed myself to be persuaded by those who suggest the path of least resistance (i.e. better the devil you know than the devil you don't).

Comfort in numbers, at least 

Good topic!

Tom

PS  'Change', at least for me, is also a big issue to consider.  Big decisions invariably involve change - something that I don't like, and which takes me a long time to get used to.,

grendalsbane said:

If I am asked "what would you like to do today?" I always respond with "I don't mind."

This has caused people to get annoyed with me at times as they always seem to decide for me and I get frustrated at nott being able to make a choice.

i can identify with that.....being given a choice always throws me as I am so used to the familiar routines and rituals that pass for the "safe and predictable" shackles that I have structured for myself.

i find  that people need to give me more time..,I get caught caught out and flustered if I have to give a quick response...so...I would rather would ask at the start of the week, "what shall we do this weekend?" - then I have several days to contemplate and work through my options. Rather than panic, miss the opportunity, get people agitated and usually end up make the wrong choice.

so in answer....time.