Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you make a decision?
It seems like a simple question, but I have spent my entire life not knowing how.
If I am asked "what would you like to do today?" I always respond with "I don't mind."
This has caused people to get annoyed with me at times as they always seem to decide for me and I get frustrated at nott being able to make a choice.
It is like my brain becomes a fog of possibilities, both realistic and ridiculous, and I find it almost impossible to focus on any one of them.
It is especially difficult if I have to make a decision when I am on my own and have no one to bounce an idea off as I will over analyse to the point that I end up either doing nothing or making a poor decision because I have talked myself out of the sensible choice. Sometimes I am even aware that I might be making a mistake but carry on regardless, as it feels almost like a compulsion.
So, does anyone have any useful strategies to help them make decisions and to make the "what would you like to do?" question not feel like it has no answer.
I really get this a lot too. I get really anxious about it as well, if someone asks what I want to do. The fog comes on, and then I start to panic because I don't know and can't think how to get out of the situation!
I had some sessions with an autism psychologist after I was diagnosed and she showed me it is not my responsibility to think of something, as thinking things up and making decisions can be really hard or impossible for autistic people. We practiced me asking other people to help me with the question, by me saying I was finding it hard and could they help me with it. The best thing I found was asking the other person to give me some options for things I or we could do. That way the other person - presuming they are someone trusted - will only suggest reasonable, safe, realistic and possible things, and I have some concrete possibilities in front of me to choose from. This helps me a lot because a lot of the problem is I cannot think things up easily and as you said, when I do they can be a bit unrealistic or ridiculous because I can't think them through or see them in any context.
This only works of course with people I can trust and who are reasonable and realistic about the way my brain works, but it works really well most of the time! Also I have had to 'write it in' to my autopilot because I cannot recall things on the spot and so I forget to ask for help if I'm not careful. We practice it every day at home so I do it automatically, which is the only way I can do anything.
Hope it helps