Losing faith in talking therapy

That's exactly right, I totaly agree. It requires so much strength though. Hopefully time will help open up more and more!

Finding the right therapist is tough, as is recognising when a particular therapist's style or focus on something that isn't helping you.,

Hello BloodySpoon

I thought this guide produced by NAS may be of interest. It collates suggestions on ways professionals can make mental health talking therapies better for autistic people.  

Content note- the guide contains sections on suicide and self-harm. 

Good practice guide for professionals delivering therapy 

Best wishes

Sharon Mod 

KLM said:

There are some things I don't think I should say and then I start wondering if it will ever really work if Im not willing to share it all. 

Unfortunately for the therapy to be effective you need to be completely open and honest otherswise the therapist has only part of the jigsaw puzzle to work from.

It is difficult to do which is why finding a therapist you feel you can trust is important.

I relate to your anxieties about this. I am also now giving it a 2nd chance with the same doctor because she seems very good and I like her voice really. It is so soothing.

But I never know exactly how much I should share.

There are some things I don't think I should say and then I start wondering if it will ever really work if Im not willing to share it all. 

I also find it is very difficult for me to trust non ND people sometimes, and sometimes I do wish I could find a psychologist who also has ASD. 

Good for you, BS, I hope it all goes well.

I want to add that the second link does a mix of talk and body work - but for me - i bypassed the talk as Id has enough of it and went for the bodywork alone and this is something you can ask for and is appropriate.

I just got in touch with my local Mind and I promised to continue with my counselling sessions and to be more open and honest about my problems.

I don't know how dry you like your writing..

https://www.angelespsychologygroup.com/files/journal_of_psychiatric_orgone_therapy.pdf

or for something a bit more for the lay person

https://orgonomicscience.org/orgone-therapy/

I can check my contacts and see if there is anyone on your area if you like. friend and PM me about it if you like.

I will investigate and get back to you. It was the only thing that worked.

You need to find the right therapist. I got fobbed off with lower levels but in the end I spoke to a psychologist who allowed me the space and guidance to discover "why or what" was going on.

In the NHS you get 8 sessions which isn't nearly enough for something as complex as ASD or any other form of ND and it's often associated baggage.

I started off discussing my constant low mood and it's perceived causes before finally "seeing" the elephant in the room.

If you find the right person all you can do is be as open as possible, you may think one aspect is unimportant but it may be a pivot point that allows the door to open.

The fear of judgement is natural and incredibly difficult to overcome if it ever can be.

If I'm honest I think I just deployed another mask to get over the initial sessions but once I felt safer I opened up.

Take care 

I just want to say one thing. Don't see the silence as awkward. They are being paid for their time. If you want or need to sit in silence for however long, it's your right to do so. It's hard but you won't start to make progress if you don't open up. It is a leap. Autists struggle with communication, even when both parties are on the spectrum....unfortunately this is part of our difficulties. Of course you have to feel you are in the right space to be able to do this.

When someone is comming to the end of their theraputic journey what you describe Iain is fairly normal, it's not normal when one's at the begining of a theraputic journey, I don't think it's about ASD or not, it's about engagement with the theraputic process. Seeing as many Autists over analyse things at the best of times, I think weekly or more often is entirely appropriate.

I'm actually surprised at your surprise, you wouldn't expect someone to have half an operation or half a course of drug treatment, why should it be any different with therapy? Therapy is tough, I think it's often better not to start at all if you're not going to complete it to a natural break off point. You may come back to it later of course, but to have it every few weeks isn't good practice.

TheCatWoman said:

Wow, what sort of therapists are you and your friends seeing Iain? Weekly sessions are the absolute norm

I'm surprised at you CatWoman, you of all people should know that neurodiverse people often need longer to process things than "normals" so the frequency of the sessions should reflect their ability to cope with it..

For the heavy lifting part of the therapy then sessions can be days apart, especially when there is a lot of strain on one or other party, but when it changes to taper off the work being done then dropping this to fortnightly or monthly is entirely appropriate.

I have gone for long periods where I only check in with my therapist once every few months to assess if any old habits are resurfacing or new issues coming to light.

You of all people should know that it is not a case of one size fits all.

I feel I'm doing most of the talking, often trying to fill the awkward silence or jumping from one subject to another out of nervousness and there are some topics I want to open but I'm afraid they might be inappropriate, like how can I accept my sexual feelings or how can I stop being passive aggressive.

It's not that I don't respect therapists, it's that I don't respect myself.  Having to wait weeks at a time feels like forever and I end up gaslighting myself or prematurely giving up and walking away when I feel I'm alone and on the edge of sanity.

Wow, what sort of therapists are you and your friends seeing Iain? Weekly sessions are the absolute norm and if someones really working through some traumatic stuff they may need to be seen twice a week.

BS, who's doing most of the talking in your sessions, you or the therapist? I sad that you feel you're being fed platitudes and cliches, do you feel able to share an instance where you feel this has happened? I understand if you don't. Not getting on with a therapist is difficult, you do feel like you're running away, you maybe told you're running away, but there's no rule that says you have to bare your soul to someone who you don't respect. I wonder if respect is the key word here? It sounds very much like you feel unable to respect them, probably because you don't feel respected by them? I would find it hard to bare my soul to someone I didn' trespect, and I learned the hard way not to do so as ultimately I felt it did more harm that good.

Why the agony? Is it that you're desperate to tell someone whats going on for you? Or is it more a self fulfillling prophesy that says your hurt will be ignored, twisted and you'll be fed platitudes and cliches and that repeating your hurt to people that don't really honour it is another way of beating yourself up?

I've since sent another email asking to ignore my previous one.  I'll just have to wait until Monday.

As somebody who has been through therapy multiple times (and still doing it), I think it does help. But you need to find someone who's a good fit. I've had bad experiences, terrible experiences, and now I finally have an excellent therapist with whom I feel I can connect on a human level.

It's not something rational, it's a feeling. We know when it just "clicks." I also definitely recommend you find somebody with experience with ASD so they know what you are talking about, understand the struggles, and are able to advise and give solutions, instead of someone who just listens, nods, and says platitudes like "how does that make you feel?" and "that must be very hard for you."  I've had my fair share of those.

In regards with getting paid to be sympathetic, I don't have a problem with that.  If you have someone you trust and can speak freely without fear of being judged, you're a very lucky person.  In my case, my loved ones mean well but they don't exactly understand me, It's hard to explain certain things I go through to an allistic person. I also understand the problem with the long gaps between sessions.  In my case, I keep a journal, I find that putting it in writing helps to organise my thoughts, and it gives me pointers to discuss next session.  I also practice meditation, it helps me stay on track.

My son also goes to therapy, but unfortunately we haven't managed to find the right therapist yet. 

Keep trying, find somebody else soon, don't drop it.  Some support is better than no support at all.

BloodySpoon said:

So call me a coward, rude, ungrateful, that I'm running away from my problems

Sorry to hear you feel this way.

I'm afraid your problems can run faster than you though so if you can bring yourself to do it I think your best option is to call and ask them to ignore your previous message and continue with the therapy as it is all you have to help at the moment.

1 week between sessions is quite frequent from what I have seen made available to others. I don't think you will get more frequent or better sessions to be honest and if it is the best you can get them make the most of it.

Do you have anywhere that you can go to help "reset" to get over the anxiety you are experiencing?

I know a lot of this may seem pointless at the moment but it is intended to try to help in your current situation.

I couldn't bear the uncertainty anymore.  I couldn't wait 5 days to tell them.  I left an email with my local Mind saying I can't continue with their counselling.  Partly due to the agonising week between sessions and also I'm sick of being fed platitudes and cliches about "loving myself" and fake displays of empathy.

So call me a coward, rude, ungrateful, that I'm running away from my problems, I'm numb to the slings and arrows.